Worried about going back to work

[DetentionGrrrl]

I am really,really looking forward to going back to work in March. Mostly i am looking forward to having something mentally challenging to do and earning my own money again (even if it will go on childcare!)

But i'm starting to worry about leaving my son with someone. What if they don't treat him well or hurt him? I wonder if he'll miss me or end up resenting me working- or even care at all. I'm only going back 4 full days, so Fri/Sat/Sun i'll be home for us to do family things, and Mon-Thur i'll be home before bath and bed. I feel like i'm being a crap mother to him though.

You're not being a crap mother to him at all. If working will boost your confidence and help you feel satisfied with your lot in life...then your ds will be getting a happier mummy surely?

You've been doing research already to help you choose the right childcare for your ds (saw your thread yesterday)

Plan things to do on your days off so you can 'make the most' of your time as a family (prevents you sitting at work on a Tuesday afternoon feeling awful because you think you have "wasted" precious time with your child. (you won't have 'wasted' it by the way, you will just feel as if you have!!)

I thought every Friday i could take him into town or maybe swimming or a playgroup or something. (DP in work Fridays)

I'm sitting here crying about it, and i haven't even left him yet!

My mother was always home with me, and i don't know what it's like to have someone else take care of you all day. I'm worried people will think i'm a part time mother, or i don't care about him.

Don't worry, i felt exactly the same as you. My DS goes to nursery 5 days a week from 8am-4.30pm - i feel awful for doing it, but he loves it and gets on very well.

He is always happy and smiling when i take him and when i pick him up.

Its a horrible feeling but trust me your not a crap mother but you have to make ends meet! (Your a wonderful mother for caring so much)

I'm also going back to work in march 4 days a week - I've booked DS into nursery two days a week and am quite lucky because DP and my mum are going to have him the other two days. I don't think you're a crap mother at all - I think its important to have a balance - your son will get to do lots of different things and learn to socialise with new people, and you'll be able to use your brain again!

I think its important that you're happy and that will make your son happy, and the time you do spend together will be really special because you'll appreciate him even more.

From what friends have told me its much harder for the parent than the child, once he's settled into nursery/childminder/etc he'll love it! When I took DS to see the nursery he's going to his eyes lit up when he saw all the other children playing with paint!

I do four days a week (but full time hours).

I'm home for bath and bed on three of those days, just bed on one.

I'm a better mother because I don't get so cross when I'm with them. And we have more money.

Don't fret - you'll be fine. Children get used to the way things are very quickly.

please don't worry, easier said than done i know. dd starts nursery next week, the i go back to work 2 weeks after that.

as much as we all have the worries you described, i think you should also think that your son might absolutely love it, may make lots of new friends, learn lots of new games, and then be soooo excited to see you at the end of the day!

I'm going back to work in March and will be using the same nursery 3 days a week for DD2 that i used for DD1 who is now 7. DD1 used to cry when I left but that lasted until she couldn't see me. I used to wait outside the door until she stopped (all of five secs) then used to peek through window and watch her playing with other children and "aunties". am sort of dreading first few weeks back but know that I am a better person when I am working. I have already "organised" the house whilst I have been on maternity leave whilst still enjoying all of my dd2 waking hours!!

The sorry truth is, some people will think you're a 'part-time mother', or don't care about your son. If they're people who have any real role in your life, and they have any sense at all, you will be able to prove them wrong with the way you look after your son when you are with him. They may even have some pretty fundamental views about child-rearing shaken to pieces. And then there are other people, who will hold these views no matter what. I'm sure we can all think of lots of interesting places they can stuff those ideas.

(DD is 2.9 and has been at nursery three days a week since just shy of six months - absolutely loves it, and I've been told by the owner than she and her two favourite cronies 'run the place' )

lackofgravitas is right - There are two separate issues here - what you think/feel, and what you're worried other people will think. Yep, I get all kinds of comments from other people about the fact that I work full time eg:
'but don't you love him?' (from MIL) (Yes, I love him so much that I choose to provide a warm comfortable home with food on the table for him)
'well, I suppose if you want the lifestyle...' (Yes, I want the lifestyle of shopping at Sainsbury's instead of Aldi and being able to afford a holiday (in the UK) once a year. Gosh, what a capitalist piglet I am...)

But that's what they think, and they don't really know. I know whether my little boy is happy. And he is. Once you're back you'll know too (but give yourself a couple of months - it's normal to have a bit of a 'wobble' at the beginning). There are no right answers.

Have you left your son with anyone before ?

If not then it might be worth trying him in a gym creche ( some of the local council run gyms have them) or with a helpful relative. Once you have done it a few times then it gets a lot easier.

I put a few comments in your other thread and see you are looking at the cm option, I have our DS at the CMS one short day a week and he is always happy & smily when I pick him up which is very reassuring.

Also I added up the days I would be working and with the way it all works out even on 4 days a week I will be working approx half of the days of the year and even on those days I will be caring for DS for about 4 hours in the morning and evening. Might be worth you totting up your time in this way you could find that percentage wise you aren't actually going to be away that much.

Finally my mum worked more or less f/t when I was a kid and I don't resent her for it. My parents aren't particularly tactile people but my cm was big on kisses and cuddles, plus I am an only so I developed social skills by playing with her children so in a way being with a cm actually added to my life.

Most nurseries offer taster sessions to help both of you get used to things. I think its pretty normal to feel this way and in my experience it will get better. My DS went to nursery 2 days per week from 6MO (3 days with my Mum). He has just changed to 3 days at nursery and loves it. Despite early worries I now feel quite confident with nursery and my mum looking after DS. As long as you do you research and find the right option for you, it will be fine. Don't be surprised if you do have to modify arrangements though, it may take a while to find the right type / time of care to suit you both. Good luck.

Thanks guys.

I have left him with family members for a few hours before, but never a whole day with essentially a stranger.

If i'm unhappy when i go back, i can always go more part time / stay home or something.