In-laws don't engage with baby!

[MediaMum1224]

I'm frustrated on behalf of my beautiful daughter! I get on with my in-laws, but they really struggle to have any kind of connection with my 5 month old daughter. They aren't used to babies so they're not comfortable to pick her up and chatter away, make silly noises or sing songs. I try to model good behaviour by being relaxed and having fun with her, and I hand her over to them a lot, but they're just so uptight with her! This weekend my brother in law came round, and he didn't say a word to her, he wouldn't even speak to her or pick her up when she was crying. It makes me so sad and frustrated; I want her to have fun uncles and grandparents who make her smile and show their love for her, but it just feels like they're not interested. I don't know how to make them engage with her, I worry that she'll be 20 and they'll have missed her amazing life just by not being brave or bothered enough to engage! I know I can't force them if they don't want to, but any ideas what I can do?!

"he wouldn't even speak to her or pick her up when she was crying."

I think you have rather unrealistic expectations here. When DD was a baby I didn't expect my BIL to be interested in her. In my experience men don't go gooey eyed over babies and they basically aren't interested in them unless they are their own.

As a new mother you are far more interested in your baby than anyone else is, and when you accept that you will feel less disappointed.

In my case it is my own family that aren't that interested in babies. OH's family are. His mum is extremely maternal and had a very close relationship with DD from when she was tiny. Sadly she has alzheimers now and DD finds her rather difficult.

My inlaws were awkward around my children when they were babies.
Once my children were walking and talking, they became the most wonderful grandparents and have continued to be.

It isn't a shame, if they didn't bother to even visit that would be a shame. As it is, they are involved, just not in a very hands on way.

Manage your expectations and you'll feel a lot less disappointed in people over stuff like this, and later when adult friends don't want to attend her parties etc.

Lets face it, unless it is your child, all other people see is a baby that sleeps, cries, pukes, pisses and shits, with the occasional windy grin. It's no wonder other people don't get all gooey eyed over them.

But just because they don't behave like Mary poppins doesn't mean they're not excited now about her. That's what people are trying to say. They're just letting life unfurl.

My inlaws have no interest in my DS (almost 2) and have never been interested since he was a baby. In fact I think FIL is actually mildly irritated by him now he's a toddler. And MiL has only met him once when he was about 2 months. FIL doesn't always acknowledge him either and wouldn't hold him as a baby.

I don't let it get to me. He has a wonderful relationship with my parents so I don't feel like he is missing out. It's their loss.

My parents and in laws are both obsessed my DS (first grandchild on both sides). My inlaws and my mum are very hands on, wanting to hold him, talk to him, change him and feed him etc. My dad is just a bit lost I think with babies. He will hold him, but he would immediately hand back if he started crying. I remember playing and reading with my dad as a child and I think he'll be great when DS is older and more interactive. I am more interested in babies now I have one of my own, but I wouldn't be picking up a crying one before I had DS, I wouldn't have had a clue what to do!