How did you decide to have a third child or to stop at 2?

[Kayleighann]

Hi I have 2 children aged 10 and 6, I have been debating a third for about 3 years now!! I literally feel like I'm losing my mind with this decision.
I go from 100% yes defiantly to 100% no daily!!
I feel like sticking with 2 is the easy option. My 2 are going in to the older phase, they are both at school full time. Life seems a breeze (most of the time) so why won't the nagging feeling for a third go away.
When I first started feeling like this I thought it was a broody phase but I just can't stop thinking about it.
I then think if I'm driving myself so mad then I obviously want one but then I panic... Pregnancy, morning sickness, the newborn stages getting up in the night, a screaming baby, a tantrum toddler! Do I really want to go through all that again.
My oh is happy ether way so not very helpful with the decision.

I worry my 2 would feel left out, I worry about holidays, days out etc everything seems harder with 3.

But the thought of not having another makes be well up. The thought of never going through it all again. : (

How did you decide? What did u decide?

I feel like I spent 90% of my time thinking about it. I'm 34 now and can hear the clock ticking, my kids are getting older, age gaps getting bigger

Also most of my friends have a baby or toddler and I get so broody every time and think I want that again. It doesn't help with my decision seeing all these lovely babies.

3rd PG was not planned, and I think I was still in rather a 'what have we done, how will we cope?' frame of mind when I miscarried. And was devastated.

We started PG4, which led to DC3, on purpose not long after.

And it's been great (well, most of the time....)

I want 2 children and an 'accident' haha!!!

We have no 1 and want to get to work on no 2 asap

xx

My dad died when I was 19, and I had to look after my elderly grandmother. He was her only child, and it utterly destroyed her mind and health. I knew I always would have three for back up.

For avoidance of doubt, my PG3 was unplanned not an "accident" meriting inverted commas.

Accidental pregnancies sometimes occur, but going for one that is intended to appear to be an "accident" always strikes me as reprehensible.

Thanks for all your replies.
I agree that I think I do want a third but it's just all the worries that puts me off. Why fix something that's not broke.
We had our nephew for the day a few days ago he's 1. Oh was like really! Are we really going to do this again : /

I just don't know what to do. I'm not sure I will ever know. I think I've way over thought it and now scarred myself out of it.
I just wish someone could tell me what was the right thing to do.

You'll never regret going for a third but you may regret not.

I, on the other hand, felt completely happy and satisfied with 1, but had number 2 when I thought dc1 was lonely. Never regretted it for a moment but would never go for. 3, I don't particularly like babies.

I wanted 3 but OH didn't so we stopped at 2. Now that mine are teenagers I am very glad we stopped at 2. Absolutely no regrets, OH was right.

I have 2 DC -DD is 5, DS is 1. DH also has an older DS who is 14. When I was pg with DS DH started talking about having a vasectomy. I was a bit miffed as we never discussed it but I had no real desire for no3 so though that was for later. After DS was born he mentioned it again. By this point I started to think I might want DC3. DH made a gp apt to discuss and asked he 'if I was sure I didn't want any more children'. I replied 'no' but told him to go to the apt anyway. He is on the waiting list which is apparently long. I am still not 100% sure so really interested in others viewpoints.

Cons: DS is not a great sleeper. We are both in our 40s and tired. Do we want to do this again?; I have a history of mc. My 4 pgs went mc, DD, mc, DS. If the pattern continued I would be devestated and suspect that would be that; finances - we'd need a new bigger car, 2 lots of nursery fees would be massive etc

Pros: Having another gorgeous bundle of joy you watch grow and develop ; we have every piece of kit and clothing required.

I feel sad at the thought of never carrying another baby. Sometimes when I am up in the middle of the night or dealing with a stroppy 5 year old and chasing my thrill seeking 1 year old I think 2 is enough. I am battling head and heart. It is so tough.

I agree hollyben I think it's follow ether head or heart. My head says no but my heart says yes. Which one do I go with : /

We talked about it and decided that whilst we couldn't really face the "first year" with a baby again we did want another family member... we went back and forth and decided that we would regret it so much more NOT going for it, than we would going for it...

So I'm due number 3 this week! Hopefully it works out!!

I dithered about having a third for so long that now I feel like its too late.

I'm 39, DC are 11 and 7...I still get immense broodiness and feel sad that I'll never be pregnant or snuggle my own newborn again, but realistically...I just couldn't go back to the sleepless nights again and the thought of yet more years of doing the school run and my career getting it in the neck has sealed it.

Definitely no more!

Congratulations astreetcar , how old are your current 2 children?

This morning I woke up and thought..I'm having another one, I'm not giving it another thought I will just come off my pill and what happens happens. But then my 2 children were like mum can we go cinema today and I suddenly thought if I had a newborn then no more cinema trips for a while, and then I started thinking that by the time the 3rd is old enough to enjoy farms and parks and days out my older 2 will be getting to the age they don't want to go to park anymore!

Hi OP and other posters....9 years after this thread I am in exactly the same position...if any of you are still on here I'd love to know how your decisions worked out now all your children are older, and if you had any regrets either way!

No regrets. I reread this thinking "well sure maybe if we'd won the lottery we'd have had DC3" and I see that was exactly what I posted at the time 🤣 Realistically, 3 felt like a much bigger logistical challenge and would have needed energy we didn't have.

Also, I have had a much easier time rediscovering my own work, hobbies, interests and friends than I would've done if we'd had a 3rd. Which isn't something which was remotely on my radar at the time, but as I've got older and out of the newborn trenches, I've definitely wanted that. And it's been hard enough with "just" two!

Really curious too to hear what was your decision in the end OP, and how did it all go? :)

Haha that's funny! Must be strange rereading it so long after.....interesting to hear your pros of sticking with 2 down the line...did you have any urge of going for a 3rd at any point which then faded?

Oh wow this is an old thread! Well you can see my comment from 2016! Baby number 3 has just turned 9 years old. The other two are 11 and 13.

do we regret it. Good question. Of course not as he’s gorgeous, we love him, and we wanted him. We wanted that 3rd family member. However holidays are SO expensive with 5 people. Sometimes I torture myself by pricing it for 4 people and seeing the difference! We are spread thin with driving to after school clubs, play dates etc and I’d definitely like more 1:1 time with each of them for things like helping with homework. So logically I’m going to say 2 children is a great amount. But of course I love having 3 and wanted 3. Only you will know which you’d regret more. Going for it, or not going for it! I love the dynamics of having a little’pack’ Of siblings and think it’s great there is usually someone for them to play with.

I think part of it was hormones too. I actually considered a 4th after number 3 was born! Which would have been a financial and practical DISASTER!!! Now those hormones have faded I can look at the situation clearly and see that.

Sort of. I was very broody when DC2 was tiny. But that also felt completely stupid, because I could look at myself and think "how are you broody for a baby, you ACTUALLY HAVE A BABY!!!" so it was a strong feeling but one I was not going to consider acting on.

So no, no real urge for a third. I'm unable to have any more now for medical reasons and that has not given us any regret at all.