Is it always better to have the biological father involved?

[beckybrastraps]

A couple of threads today have made me think about this.

I was the result of an unplanned pregnancy. I have never had any involvement with my biological father. He was just never part of my life. When I was two,my mum met another man, they married when I was four, and he adopted me shortly after that. My sister and brother came along a couple of years later.

I have only the very vaguest memories of life before my dad, and I don't remember feeling that he wasn't my real father. I have never felt any inclination to find out more about my biological father. I HAVE a father. There is no gap to be filled. And my brother and sister are just that to me. I cannot think of them in any way as half siblings. My parents are now divirced, but o course nothing has changed for me regarding my dad.

I do sometimes wonder, when I read about how important it is for fathers to have contact, how my life would be different if my biological father had had contact with me. My family dynamics would have been completely different, and I'm not sure that would have been a good thing for me. Of course, when you have a baby you have no idea how things will pan out. Not everyone will be lucky enough to get a dad like mine. And of course a father may well be desperate for the contact. But mine wasn't. And I'm rather glad of that.

I'm not trying to upset anyone. Just musing really after reading a couple of threads today. A case of the what ifs...

interesting | was thinking about this in the night my dd2 has a child who is two, nearly three and he was born only about 10 months after she and her partner met

he has an older brother who is 4, his half brother from his dad whom he has only met a couple of times because of his half brothers mum not wanting his dad to have access..she has changed her mind several times about this..initially dad had access and then not ect but my dgs went from being tiny to last week without seeing him and he was supposed to se him for in his eues the first time last weekend not sure if it went through or not

now because they live very near each other I found it hard to think that he will maybe not know his half brother but may encounter him at school etc

just rambling really but i can see that it is very complex

oddly dd2s partner's mum won't see dd2s partner or his sister but sees the mum of the half brother and her child regularly whioch is also odd

the brother and sister were put in care when they were in teens because she didn't want them and then they were reunited and then she fell out with them again

i feel like dd2s boyfriends surrogate mum to be honest

relationships are strange