New arrival due soon - 14 month gap - any experiences pls?

[ChaCha]

I've posted on this before and read other MN's posts on the subject too but I'd just like some reassurance please..

New arrival is due in around 6-7 weeks, DS will be 14 months old. I probably won't have any family staying this time just the odd visits here and there. DH working all day and studying at night but will be around for bath time and tea (fingers crossed).
DS takes up all my time as it is and I feel on days like today when we are all down with the flu, house is a tip and I am craving sleep that i'm never going to cope with a newborn too. Of course, there are days where it's all quite exciting but then the reality kicks in. Just wanted to read more experiences please, I'm also a bit worried about DS when in hospital, i've never been away from him and not sure what will happen around that time.
My brain is doing overtime. Help!!

I won't lie I had the same age gap it was hard work when they were little but mainly as the younger one had silent reflux and screamed unless being held upright in a certain position.

I also remember having a lot more energy after having given birth then when I was heavily pregnant. You do less other stuff like house work on the hard days. I have to say the baby was just dumped in the corner for the first 6 weeks - she slept lots and didn't scream.

I went out most days to things in walkig distance.

Get a P&T pushchair - everything else was a nightmare.

It will be fine after a few days your ds won't remember not having a younger sibling and they don't get jealous like older toddlers.

I've got 12 months, 3 weeks between my eldest 2. I had no family help, and DH was rubbish at "baby stuff", plus he works long hours, so wasn't around at the busy times.
The thing that kept me sane was getting them both napping after lunch at the same time. And we went out every day, even if it was only round the block a couple of times!
It will be hard at first, there's no denying it, but you will manage because you have to. Simple as that.

When you go into hospital DS will be fine, he's young enough to take it in his stride. When I was in hospital with my second, my DS1 took his first steps! I was gutted!!

My two were 13mths apart and I didn't realise how difficult it was until it became easier. I would really recommend having 2 close together as when they are old enough to communicate with one another and interact its wonderful to watch and they thoroughly enjoy themselves. Do you have family to help in the first few weeks?

My 2 are 16 months apart and I eventually managed to get them both to nap at lunchtime together. It was hard work, no denying it but looking back I wouldn't change it for the world. One is 13 now and the other nearly 12 and we have had a brilliant time over the years.
Obviously there have been difficult times. Dh works away for weeks at a time and it is not easy. But we have had great holidays and they get on well a lot of the time although can be competitive.
I had never left ds1 when I went into hospital but he was absolutlely fine and when I bought ds2 home he didn't take a lot of notice at first. Then it was like ds2 had always been there.

Thanks. When DS arrived I depended on my dad and my DH quite a lot and looking back It could have been a lot harder. This year everything has changed, family probably won't be around and DH has a very busy schedule and as you say, it is amazing what you have to do when you have to just get on and do it! Just the thought is a bit daunting right now.

I have made a mental note about napping after lunch - and the going out, i'm currently looking for a Jane Power Twin so i can get out and about relatively quickly. When you had to cook or do a bit of housework did you take the baby with you and leave toddler to play? Probably unwise to leave the two together in same room, how did you manage that?

I had a playpen to put the baby in to keep her safe. I also changed nappies downstairs so I didn't keep having to leave toddler downstairs (she wasn't walking etc)

chacha no advice as yet but am being induced tommorow so will be a 12mth gap between dd and db and also a 3.2yr gap between ds and db. I will be more than willing to share any tips I manage to pick up. Just wanted to send some hugs your way and all your worries are exactly what I have had. Also think being heavily pregnant is a lot worse than having a newborn.

My 2 are 16months apart. DD is now 10 weeks old. Like you I was nervous about how I would cope. However I have to say that so far it hasn't been too bad. You just prioritise who needs what as you go through the day.
The most difficult bit is bath time, simply because of the danger element so it is great that DH will be around for that. I have been managing bath time on my own for a few weeks now as DH doesn't get home early enough. I am more flexible with timings now, basically as soon as DD wakes from a nap around 4/5pm I feed her, then I feed DS his tea, then I bath them both, ie when they are both fed and not too tired.

my first 2 are 13m apart... iwas bricking it too

tis much easier than you think. much.

first few months hard, but first few months of any baby is hard... but if you pitch it right, no1 is totally into no2 and they play together so well from v early on... then you are freer than you were with one... excellent.

just dont go having a 3rd 18m later, thats pushing your luck

i have 14months betweenmy 2 boys and i was petrified to start with but also wanted it this way.
ds1 is now 17m and ds2 is 3m. ds1 is just getting interested in ds2 now and tries to give him his bottle and sticks his dum in his mouth if he is crying and i cant get there quick enough!! lol
he has given up trying to hurt him now and is accepting him. you must be prepared for the older one trying to hurt the new arrival because they do!- it is a natural process but can be alarming! to start with i 'wore' ds2 in a wrap until i could trust ds1 a bit more. he only really hurts him now if he gets over excited.
i dont personally think it is much more difficult with 2 this close. lucky for me ds2 is quite laid back though- or maybe i am more laid back as i have done it all before and am not so hung up about everything? i dont know. ds2 certainly didnt seem to have colic like ds1 did which really helped. i think i would have had a very different story to tell if ds2 had had it aswell.
you tend to work the second child into the first ones routine which i think is fair anyway as the forst child does have some growing up to do which i guess is a bit sad but also good for him? he seems to understand that sometimes mummy cant come straight away and he waits patiently for me but i have also found that if they both start crying at the same time it is better to err on the sideof the first born- it saves the newborn getting a thump later and saves you having to endure a 17m olds tantrum with a screaming baby too! lol
hope some of this ramble helps!!

No NG, go for 15 months between nos 2 & 3 which is what i did LOL.
I have to say that you will survive, but also that i am rubbish at advice because it's all a bit of a blur (mine are now 5,4 and 3 in a couple of weeks, and it is lovely now , they are a very independent bunch)
You will have to decide what your priorities are, don't try and be superwoman. Get yourself organised:
nappy changing stuff downstairs as someone else suggested
distractions for DS whilst you are feeding like favourite videos, toys he can play with by himself without getting frustrated, or if you are good at juggling, snuggle him up with you and baby and look at a book while you're feeding.
Decent double buggy
A sling, useful for getting on with stuff around the house if baby wants to be held.
My DH used to make my lunch the night before and leave it in the fridge so i could grab it when i had a spare moment.
Same with dinner - something easy to prepare like chicken in a sauce you can shove in the oven whilst you do bath/story/bed.
Go to the loo when you get an opportunity LOL, and get yourself dressed before you sort out the children - nothing makes me feel more disorganised than being in my dressing gown.
Lay out nappies, pyjamas and towels before you put the DCs in the bath.
Get some big baskets to chuck stuff in so you can tidy the house in 5 minutes flat!
And a million and one other things that i have forgotten!

What great advice!!! Thank you so much, I'm making notes - honest i am!!

Nemo - Wishing you all the best for tomorrow, will follow your progress on the ante/post natal. Brave woman!

Glad i posted now. The advice is really appreciated.

Memories coming back. Get up & showered and eat before dh leaves for work if possible. Get lots of healthy snacks in esp if b/f musli bars, bananas, bagels etc etc etc. At the weekends see if you can make huges meals up and freeze in portions. Or make a casserole for 2 days etc. Casseroles are good you can prepare them in bits and pieces and just bung in the oven.

Never bathed mine much when they were tiny - I don't like it. One of them moulded plastic seats are fab for making it much easier though!

Just wanted to add my voice. I have 11 months between my dd2 and ds, which meant I also had a 3 year old too. Like everyone has said it was hard in the beginning and it has got easier. My ds is 4 and in fact right now so is my dd2, but she'll be 5 next week, dd1 is 7. We are now in the middle of a really lovely time with them now, they fight and bicker and compete for attention, but... they adore each other, they play together all day long, they are each others best friends and the are bloody funny.

So, what you have to do it try to make the beginning as easy as you can for yourself. Which means accepting all offers of help and not trying to be too perfectionist about everything.

I would also agree with people who've said that the last few weeks of pg were harder then the first few weeks after they are born. so you will feel better then you do now.

Good luck, it's worth it.

wow - foxtrot. i am in awe ! not only did you do it even closer than i, but you also remember loads of useful and practical tips i am still doing, but didnt think to put on here... and you say yours is a fog??haha.

yes - get after-bath stuff ready before putting themn in the bath. def.

and loads of 'tub trug's i found at skats (you can get them at country stores and builders places i think - much cheaper than the exact same things marketed at children/parents.) around for quick tidy-ups. (they are like baskets but in bright plastic therefore: light to carry, stackable, easy to clean, attractive, kids love em)

def loads of easy fast energy injection snacks for you and kids (esp while bf) oat bars, flapjacks, that sort of thing.

def a good sling - i like the ERGO myself, but i didnt try it when v young so i acnt say what the newborn insert thing is like...

i actually have loads of equipment fast building up in a storeroom, which now the youngest is 11m, is becoming defunct... so if youre stuck, give me a shout and i might just have the thing you need (not just about money, but ideas/solutions and supply too... IYSWIM)

Good luck! I have 54 weeks between my 2 dses. The first year was really really hard but now ds1 2.2 and ds2 1.2 it's much much easier. Get all the help you can. I agree about a P&T buggy - it was a life saver and you can use it when the db is newborn. Divide the day up into small chunks - it makes it all seem less daunting at 6am! Don't even think about housework. Do all your food shopping on line.

One great thing is that ds1 never ever had jealousy issues with ds2 and they are beginning to play well together now too.