Feeling so horribly guilty about missing DS's 3rd birthday

[phoenixrose314]

We are having a small celebration with family at our home this weekend, but his birthday is on Tuesday - I work full time as a teacher in a local primary school and was hoping I could move some release time to use to spend the morning or afternoon with him, but no it looks like I'll be at work 7.30-4.30 as usual, completely missing his special day.

I keep getting tearful and snapping at the children I do work with. Feels like a big milestone this year as he's growing up, starting preschool and applying for Reception - and I can't believe I am going to miss it.

Yes I know he won't know any different. But the thought of packing him off to nursery to spend the day with them instead of being with his mum just makes me feel so guilty, so awful for always having to choose my work over him. I have struggled this year at the best of times, but right now I feel like I've missed the first three years and I will never get that time back.

Sorry. Crumbling right now. Please make me feel better.

Look at it as him getting the best of both worlds - a party at nursery with his friends & family party at the weekend.
Make his actual birthday as special as possible (for you not him - he won't be bothered) so open a couple of presents in the morning & have a little cake & presents in the evening.
Don't feel guilty about things you can't change. Next year he'll be at pre-school & following year in reception so you'll celebrate at different times anyway

Please don't feel bad. He will get a fuss made of him at nursery and he will have a lovely celebration at the weekend.

My DC have always, always celebrated their birthdays on the closest convenient weekend, because either DH or I have been working. They are totally happy with this, and now aged 12 and 14 they actively ask for it. We lay out the gifts on the sofa, decorate with fairy lights - it's lovely.

sounds like it's one of those latent guilt moments anyway....

OK. It's my Ds' 8th birthday today and dh is abroad, as he will be for my dd's and my birthday - as he does alternate years because of his job. It's not a problem! DS will get special day - presents with his sister and me today and some spoiling by his auntie, who is coming up at the weekend, and then a party next week with mates and his dad - so 3 special days instead of 1! And you are not even missing it! Presents before work, and favourite breakfast; a birthday celebration at nursery, where I'm sure they'll make a fuss of him (could you send a cake in?) and then birthday tea. It will be fine - and working to provide for your ds is part of (I am sure) many things which make you a good mum. Happy birthday to your ds.

Thanks everyone. Just needed a pep talk. Dh has been working away since October so DS has been suffering emotionally (and not been a picnic for me either!) and we've just been having a rough time. Didn't want him to be any more deprived.... just being silly I suppose.

Thanks plenty for your words and advice.