ds1 seems to be deliberately bedwetting

[elliott]

And I don't know what to do about it.
Ds1 is just 5 and has only been out of night nappies for about 4 weeks. He had been doing really well, with occasional accidents - about 4 in total in the first three weeks. However,the last 3 nights in a row he has had a wet bed in the morning. He claims that he didn't go to the toilet because he was 'snuggly in bed' and it feels 'nice' when he wets his bed - he is pretty clear that he knew what he was doing. I'm at a bit of a loss what to do about this - I'd thought he was feeling really proud of himself getting out of nappies and we had been giving him lots of praise.
As a bit of background, we have previously had lots of problems with daytime wettings (usually damp pants rather than full accidents) which have been quite a lot better (though not perfect) recently.
Any ideas how I should be tackling this?

My ds just turned 4 has been dry at night for about a year, but recently has been wetting the bed. A couple of days ago I just told him it wasn't acceptable, that we know he's capable of going to the loo and we didn't expect him to do it again... he hasn't done it since. Just tell him.

(oops, seem to have managed to post this thread loads of times - just the one response though!)
thanks for the response - we HAVE told him that he is to go to the toilet, and that it is definitely not ok to wee in the bed. But given our long history of problems in this department I do worry that this approach is not working/could be counterproductive. For whatever reason, he does not find it easy/does not make the effort to stay dry during the day so tbh I am not surprised we are having problems. But surely punishment isn't going to help? or is it??

I would just put him back in nappies. I really really wouldn't bother with it. Ok, if he's enjoying wetting his bed, make that impossible.

I don't like the idea of punishment associated with toilety stuff, it just seems ... well ... Victorian ...

but I so don't want to go back to nappies when we were finally, finally making progress. I don't like 'punishment' in this context either but tbh that's in effect what going back to nappies would be. Its very frustrating. i do think that he is capable of keeping dry both day and night but for some reason doesn't bother. My current plan was to start (another!) star chart and say that if he keeps wetting we will go back to nappies.
If it was ds2 then glassofwine's strategy would probably work. He had his night nappies off at the same time as ds1 (on his 3rd birthday - and it was that the prompted ds1 to ask to try without night nappies again) and hasn't had a wet night yet.

mm I think this is quite tricky. When we nighttrained ds, he also said he didn't want to get up because he was too cosy in bed. Can't say I blame them really - there's been many a time when I've thought that if you could invent a way to pee pleasantly (i.e. not in a bed pan!) without having to leave the bed, you'd be a millionaire!

I would just tell him that you know he can get up...have you still got a potty you could use in his room in the meantime? or Has he got slippers to walk to the loo so his feet don't get cold?

I would try the star chart - 1 star for every dry bed but I wouldn't threaten the nappies. Also, watch out for it not improving just in case it isn't because he's cosy but for some other reason.

I think that punishing toilet accidents is pointless and counter productive. If you really think he is doing it on purpose then bribary in the form of a star chart will be more effective.

I believe there are bed wetting alarms, in which when the child wets the bed the parents come in, change the sheets. The child is woken by this and spends a couple of minutes helping mum or dad change the bed. THERE IS NO PUNISHMENT other than the consquence of being made to completely get out of bed while the sheets are changed and being disturbed by the alarm.

Prehaps you need to look at reasons why your doesnt want to get out of bed. Is he afraid of the dark? Would he prefer a potty for nighttime.

Thanks foxinsocks. I also can understand that he'd far rather be in his cosy bed - particularly since the toilet he has to use is downstairs. We do have a potty close to the boys room - but I have said that he is too big for it (ds2 uses it). Maybe that's a bit unfair.
Back to the old star chart then. I may also add good old fashioned bribery - he got a money box for Christmas that he was very taken with so that might be a good motivator

I wouldn't worry about letting him use the potty at night. Our bathroom is downstairs too and we have very steep stairs so I leave a potty in the children's room (ds is 5, dd is 6). Dd is old enough to be able to hold on to use the toilet till we get up and turn the lights on - ds can just about manage but on the odd occasion, still uses the potty.

Just 5 is still little and I think when they wake up, they are often BURSTING for the loo so the thought of having to trek downstairs is probably not very appealing!

hmmm. another wet bed this morning, this time he says he didn't realise he'd wet. We are back in a depressingly familiar pattern, just like the problems we've had during the day - he can have a good phase for quite a while, then for no apparent reason will relapse into a bad phase. I can't identifiy any obvious triggers, and the fact that he CAN be dry (day and night) suggests its not as simple as him being 'ready' or 'not ready' (he has had runs of dry nights since he was 3 and a half). Has anyone else had the same problems of no pattern of improvement over time, just good patches and relapses going on and on and on?