Social services involved

[Snugglesundertheduvet]

Domestic violence incident towards me by dh. Ss are saying I didn't protect ds because I didn't report to the police that day, but I did take ds and leave dh and never went back. On top of this dh has made counter allegations of abuse (which are untrue) however ss are saying we're both alleged perpetrators now. Also told me they are extremely concerned about ds safety. I know I should have reported it to the police but it was a mistake, and I'm never going back to dh again. Ds is safe with me and I've moved back in with parents so I have support. I'm now being investigated and I don't know what this means? Are they going to take my ds for failure to protect? I'm so scared

If all is as you say then it is very unlikely they will take DS away. As long as your parents home is suitable and SS see evidence of good care it should be fine.

What's the plan now? Are they having meetings?

If you're planning to stay with your parents, as long as they don't have convictions/ present any risk to DS, then they will be protective factors.

I know this will be hard (and scary) but from the tiny glimpse into this your post gives us, it's very unlikely SS would take your DS. Removing a child from their family is a very last resort. They need to make sure DS is safe though and will want to work with you and support you to keep him safe. Please be honest with them about your vulnerabilities and ask them for any help you need - seeking help to protect DS will be seen as a positive thing. It sounds as though you have made positive steps already, hopefully things will improve from now on. Stay strong

They're having a strategy meeting. The police are holding a marac too. Initially when the sw came she said ds was a child in need but the way they are talking I'm worried they are going to go down the child protection route. The problem is they said they are worried because I put ds at risk by not ringing the police. I should have rang, I will never go back to dh again and I will protect ds in every single way including phoning police in future, how can I convince them I will not put her at risk. I love my ds more than anything and would do anything to protect him. I thought I was doing that by leaving the house and coming to parents but maybe they think I was covering up or planning on going back and that's why they are concerned? I felt awful when they said they are concerns for ds safety I can look after him

You need to tell them that they are correct and you are dearly sorry. You need to state that you can see why they think the police are needed in situations of violence.

Can I ask who involved SS ?

Is there a history of DV and the police being called? It must have been a serious incident if a MARAC has been raised. I hope you are ok op

You've taken steps to protect your DS as can show them this. All you can do is continue to protect him and work with ss. They may step up to child protection if there are significant concerns. Are they worried about his development?

Your DS is a child in need in their terms. Work closely with them & don't get defensive. Ask them to explain what you should do in particular circumstances. Be clear you understand now that you should have phoned police but you thought that leaving was protecting your DS (why didn't you phone the police? Presumably they think you were protecting your partner?)

Assuming your parents home is suitable & supportive being there will be a positive.

Even if they decide to hold a child protection conference that does not mean they will go to court to remove your child. That is extremely unlikely, and as long as you remain separated and engage with the services they refer you to they wouldn't be successful anyway.
Childrens services don't want to issue care proceedings- it's very expensive just to issue and they get legal advice before doing so to look at whether the threshold is met, which in your case it wouldn't be (assuming what you have said is true)
It will be ok, try to see them as a support and a help. And they have to consider the truth of the counter allegations- hopefully they will quickly get a handle on the dynamics, have they referred you to a dv support service? You should get an IDVA following the marac. They will be a great help, tell them everything.

I had to have SS assessment when DS was born due to mh history. I know it's hard

Looking back I think the reason they can be a bit harsh is they have lots of children to protect. They want to get to the bottom of things quickly and then close your case so they can work with the next family.

Thanks for the reassurance everyone, I don't want to put to many details on so I can be identified. Do social services have any involvement over visitation? As ex dh is saying sw told him he could take ds out unsupervised.

I'm not allowing this as I don't trust him and I thought as ds mum I had this right and that only the courts could state what contact is acceptable, is this correct?

You make the ultimate decision over contact. CS can put contact restrictions into a plan (cin or cp) which you should comply with but they can't actually make you allow contact. Please speak to the social worker rather than your husband about this.

I feel for you OP. I think you should speak directly to the social worker re access as a priority.