A 3 yr old and a new baby - share your experiences please!

[Gemmasmummy]

I'm expecting a baby in May when my DD1 will be 3.3 - can anyone advise on the following? Sorry about the length!

1. When did your toddler stop needing a buggy? Don't want to buy a double one if I can help it!
2. How did you keep no.1 occupied while feeding the baby? 3)I am worried about feeling zombified from doing the night feeds and the effect this will have on my 3 year old - she can tell what mood I'm in now! She will still need meaningful and fun activities and lots of attention! (Fortunately she will be going to preschool in the mornings) 4)How to manage housework and cooking as well as the children. I will be breastfeeding and don't want to eat convenience foods say more than once a week.
3. Did you get as many gifts with the second baby or did everyone assume you had everything already?
4. Baby's naps when you have an older child to look after - it might not be feasible to stay at home for naps as I did with DD1. I have stopped DD1's naps so I can get used to entertaining a non-napping toddler NOW rather than when I have a newborn as well.
5. Finally, what did you do with 1st child when you were in hospital having the 2nd? We don't have any relatives nearby. What if I go into labour in the middle of the night? Any other tips please!

My sister just went through this.

1. My sister got a stand and ride that allows the toddler to sit down or stand up in the buggy, but now she almost never needs it.
2. My sister formula fed so my niece helped warm and shake bottles, but include her in as much as the process as possible.
3. Not too much advice, just sleep while she's at preschool.
4. Get a slow cooker, and let your dd know she's your special helper in the house. My niece loves the fact that she's given responsibilities, she watches my nephew and if he cries, she says, "Baby brover is hungry", she also has a toy vacuum for when my sister cleans the house.
5. Can't answer that, but my sister did have a baby shower, that set her up with clothes for her ds.
6. Make the new baby's naptime a special time for you and your dd to watch a movie or read a book or play games.
7. My sister lives in an area with lots of small children around her, so she depended on her dh and neighbors to help her out in the first few days.

Sorry this isn't first hand info, but at least you have some ideas.

1. when he was three.
2. With difficulty, luckily he went to nursery three days a week, enjoyed stories and liked to destroy the place on his own without interruption from me.
3. Telly and stories in the afternoon. Cuddled up next to mummy as mummy rests.
4. Don't, you have enough on your plate. Only joking but it is a bit of a juggling act. Luckily my second one learnt to sleep very well in her moses basket when the first would only sleep on me.
5. Not quite as many gifts.
6. She learnt to sleep wherever she was.
7. Had a homebirth.

Ds1 is 3.4, ds2 is 6 weeks

1. no buggy for a while, am going to try a buggyboard

2. hasn't been difficult. I just tell him ds2 has to eat and I will play, etc. in a few minutes

3)Yes, I feel like a zombie sometimes and have to nap. Try to rest as much as you can while she is in pre-school.

4. I let it go a lot of the time,have a cleaning lady every two weeks so it doesn't get too horrible; dh and my mother do most of the cooking right now

5)not really/yes

6)can;t say, ds2 was a preemie so we haven't been out much with it being flu season

7. my parents came over and yes it was the middle of the night. Otherwise I guess we would have called friends.

1. get a buggyboard; should be enough

2. TV! Get her used to sitting next to you while you read stories. Teach her "Simon says". Colouring. A toy box that only comes out at feed times. Trying to feed baby at dd's mealtimes.

3. They get used to the fact that a zombie has eaten their mother

4. Forget cleaning. Freeze loads of meals now. Get a slo-cooker so you can prepare the meal in the evening, bung it in in the morning, and turf it onto plates at mealtime.

5. Loads of clothes in nb size.

6. Second babies are better at sleeping on the run.

7. A friend came over in the middle of the night. And MIL dropped everything and drove for 4 hours to take over. For a fortnight, cos ds was prem and we had to stay in hospital. MIL is officially a saint and all else is forgiven .

Tips -
TV and pizza will not kill your dd.
Crying for a few minutes while you sometimes put your dd first, will not kill your baby.

Good luck! My ds has just got old enough that dd and ds play together. Its fantastic.

ds was 3yrs 5 months when dd arrived.(5 yr s ago so memories hazy!)

1. We bought a Kiddieboard but rarely used it . Only went in the buggy once after she was born and that was because he was ill.
2. Never really seemed a problem. He was good at occupying himself if needs be, understood why, or I'd sit on the floor and watch him play /interact while feeding.
3. Somehow just didn't seem as tired as with him as a baby. Couldn't lounge in bed as did with him but once had got him to preschool each morning had a few hours to catch up.
4. dh did a fair bit of cooking in the evenings (lots of pasta) but ds would eat the same as us. Housework was minimal ! 5)Got lots of gifts still. 6)Stick baby in pram and head for nearest play area or us eth etime to do something more creative and exclusive for dd1. 7)Engineered my mother to stay when I was due.

My ds was 2.5 when dd arrived.

1. We bought a double buggy and used it for less than 9 months - I think the time of year and how much walking you do makes a difference. We walked everywhere more or less and dd was born in Sept so we had the winter weather to get through. We bought second hand and sold on to SIL so was fairly cheap. No buggy board here - I found it too hard to push.
2. I had a special box of stuff I only got out when I was feeding. Also TV and story tapes, plus making sure ds had been to the loo, had a drink and a biscuit to hand. 3)It's hard! Take all offers of help with the baby you get, play with her when the baby sleeps, which leads on to... 4)I think you have to accept that some of the housework will slip. make sure your other half helps, cook in bulk and freeze if you can.
3. Yes, people assumed we had some stuff - but we got toys, clothes, blankets etc in different colours as our second was a girl.
4. yes. I found dd had to fit in around ds's routine but we almost always came home at, or just after, lunchtime so dd could have a long sleep - this was important as it was ds's time alone with me.
5. My MIL (two hours away)was on standby and came down a couple of days after my due date to help out with ds as I felt really tired - I went into labour that night. We had close friends on standby in case we needed to get them round in the night (as it happens I went into labour around 8.30pm and had dd at 1.00 am so dp was back home before ds woke up!)

1. She started to walk after she was 2 but still gets tired so bought a seat to go for £25 off ebay. Its been a dream and well worth not getting a double buggy. 2)Luckily my dd plays quite well on her own but we had all her toys downstairs and she just got on and played herself. So long as she got some time after the feed she was ok. 3)Dd goes to preschool in the mornings too so thats a good stimulant for her. Yes you will be tired but you manage to find the energy from somewhere. Get lots of jigsaws and things that dont involve alot of energy or thought 4)I'm afraid not alot gets done. It does eventually but not at the usual speed. Luckily when we had visitors they'd chip in and do a bit of tidying for me. 5)Got lots of gifts, maily clothes though because we kept almost everything from dd but we were having a boy so coudnt keep the pinbk dresses lol. 6)Because of the level of noise dd creates, ds doesnt nap at all. But on a good note he sleeps through 7)We dont live near family either. My family is just over an hour away and dh's nearly 2 hours but we had everyone on standby. My BIL and SIL were on 6 week school hols so they were ready. I wrote in my birth plan that if it came to it I would have my dd with me and dh in the labour room because of circumstances. The midwife read it and said that was totally ok.

I am in a reasonable position to answer your questions. My DS was 3.3 when my DD was born in May 04.

1. I started to get DS used to the idea of no pushchair at about this age and did my best to avoid using it. He did really well and only went in the pushchair a couple of times after DD was born and these were long days out on holiday (we went to Cornwall when DD was 6 weeks) and I was able to have her in the sling while DH pushed DS.
2. I started getting DS used to reading books, sat cuddled next to me so we could still do this while I was bf DD. I also used to sit at the kitchen table feeding DD while DS was eating his meals.
3. DS was eligible for nursery grant so I kept him in his day nursery 3 days/week while I was on maternity leave. We had to pay some, but less than we had been paying previously.
4. I cooked double quantities loads while pregnant so I had a really big supply of meals in the freezer.
5. Got lots of gifts, especially clothes because of having the first little girl in the family. Also DS got lots of little toys etc from people anxious for him not to be left out.
6. Naps are still an issue now with DD at 2 1/2. You do have to be less regimented IME. I used to aim for one nap at home in her cot inthe early days. And I also found it useful to walk to collect DS from nursery and DD would sleep in the pram. At first I worried that it was a long walk uphill for him at the end of the day but it was summer and he really enjoyed it and it gave us a good chance for a chat. Also sometimes DD would stay asleep in the pram (was summer remember) and I could sort the evening meal out. And this late sleep, meant DS could go to bed first and then I could feed DD and put her down.
7. DD was born at home. My ILs were supposed to come for DS (they live 1 hour away) but we rang them too late so DS was downstairs watching tweenies video. But I did get loads of offers of help from friends.

DS1 was 3.1 when DS2 came along

1. Didn't need double buggy. didn't bother with buggy board..just coped I think with him walking.
2. Read to him. TV. managed to move around whilst bf!
3. She will adapt llike you will. I found pre-school provided the entertainment and we just did things like going for walks and seeing friends. You are lucky you are having a spring/summer baby so you can go to the park etc..DS2 came in February!
4. Housework just gets done when necessary..don't worry about it. Cooking..just did easy stuff I think like jacket potatoes/pasta and had pre-prepared sauces and added in fresh veg. Don't feel guilty about convienance food..it is such a small amount of time in you/your childrens lifes it isn't going to hurt them not to have home cooked food (I had to remind myself!)
5. Yes..got gifts..mostly clothes (having 2 winter boys had most stuff already but was nice to have new stuff for DS2)
6. DS 1 napped until he was 3.9 as I needed the break!! DS2 just napped in the buggy/car seat etc for the first weeks when i needed to be out with DS1 but still managed to do cot naps as well as that gave me time alone with DS1.
7. Can't help as had c-section!

It's a good age gap..they are now almost 5 and almost 2 and play together and fight together!

1 Buggy board
2 Books, toys, cbeebies, chatting, being out at the park or with friends a lot
3 You'll survive!
4 Cut yourself plenty of slack. Get a cleaner if you can afford it. Your partner can cook.
5 Not as many gifts, but it was fine
6 I went out for walks and headed for a cafe for coffee and cakes for me and ds or to the park
7 My mum came over. Can you ask a neighbour or friend to come over until your family can get there? Or just rely on a friend. I'd be happy to do this for a friend.

Thanks very much for all your advice. I think the tip about cooking extra and freezing it is a good idea. I will start tomorrow!

I used a buggy board but DD was 2.5 by the time she was 3 she was walking. I also bought a sling for the baby which worked a treat.

Def buy a slow cooker, I use mine sooo much!

I arranged a basket in the downstairs toilet with nappy changing things in it for DD to go and get so she felt involved in baby's care - she loved that.

My friend advised that when I was breastfeeding always make sure you sit on a sofa with the side you are feeding next to the end of the sofa so that you will always have a free arm for a cuddle as this is the time they will decide they want a cuddle and you will be able to do both. It worked.

We also lived away from relatives as it happened I went into labour while MIL was visiting but I had contingency plans in place with friends - ask around beleive me people will be happy to help you out - take them up on their offers. You can worry about returning help later (it might not even be to them but that's what makes the world go round).

My last point is always accept offers of help of any sort - I am very much a "I can cope" person even when I clearly cannot so it took me a while to get my head around this. Hope this helps and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well

1. My eldest has sn's so I had to buy a double but got the Phil & Teds E3 which is the size of a single and can be used as a single as well as a double 2)Was able to breastfeed and cuddle and read to DD1 at the same time but if not that's when TV & DVDs come into their own. If you are bottle feeding get DD1 involved and let her help you. 3)You just have to crack on and grin and bear the tirdness, it's paret and parcel isn't it really. Rest when you can, go to bed as early as you dare for a while etc.
2. Cook vats of food. I had a freezer packed to the brim with stews, chilli's, casseroles, spag bols etc. Get Tesco to deliver to you so shop online and plan what you are going to eat every day.
3. Didn't get as many gifts with my 2nd no but i did have everything i needed really.
4. DD2 just worked herself into a routine that suited us all and it's stayed that way. They are very adaptable!
5. I had DD2 at home so can't answer

GOOD LUCK. It'll all be fine and it'll all just happen and be ok

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It must depend on the child as my DD was quite happy to use a buggy board for what seemed like ages but my DS is only 17 months and he would quite happily walk everywhere! You've got more experience than me Sosha1