At my wits end with 11 month dd - please help with any one of my moans!

[CantSleepWithSanta]

DD is a week off being 11 months, and I'm starting to feel quite low about how difficult she is. Here are some of my complaints - please help with suggestions for addressing any of them if you can.

1. She is still breastfed, and resolutely refuses to drink milk from a cup ever. After months of trying every bottle and cup on the market, I have found one cup that she will drink water from, but she still won't accept a milk feed from it. Changing formula isn't an option, and nor is giving cows milk, as she is milk intolerant.

1. She won't eat solids. Occasionally she'll have a good meal, or even a couple of days worth of good meals, but mostly she just throws her food on the floor piece by piece (or the whole lot at once if she has access to the plate/bowl). We are doing blw as she won't let me get near her with a spoon, ever. She's perfectly capable of feeding herself, but just won't.

1. She wants to suck on my breasts the whole time. I've tried offering a dummy, but she won't take it (she'll pick one up occasionally and have a suck/munch on it, but not for long, and not if I offer it as an alternative to breast). Some of it I think is down to teething (only has 2 teeth so far), but she won't take a teether either, except for her 'bonjela finger' (blue plastic finger shaped thing with bumps and bristles on) which might keep her happy for 10 mins if I'm lucky. She also won't let me give her medicine, so it becomes a fight every time, where I end up having to pin her down and hope that she doesn't spit out the whole dose (we use a 'babydose' syringe thing to give it).

1. She won't sit in her pushchair. This makes going out very difficult, as she wants to be held the whole time. I have a hip hammock, which has been a godsend, but it still isn't that comfortable, so not practical for a whole day out (eg to the zoo, that we have an annual pass for).

1. She won't entertain herself for even 5 minutes when I'm around, although seems generally much happier to do so when with dh. When we're out at baby/toddler groups, or with friends with children, she is very sociable, and deserts me to go and play with them quite happily!

1. She won't sleep anywhere except in her own cot or in the car, so we can't go out for a whole day unless I'm prepared to drive around for an hour at the point that she needs one.

1. Every time I take a shower (every morning - night showers just don't do it for me, and tend to wake dd anyway) dd stands up to the edge of the bath and screams and/or cries for the entire duration. Or her latest is to shout what I think is meant to be 'no, no, no, no, no' at me (her second word after daddy!)

There are others, but these seem to be my main bugbears at the moment. Any one of them individually I'm sure I could cope with, but all together it's just getting to be too much.

DH works/lives abroad during the week, so I get no let up from it at all.

Please help a desperate woman!

Hi there CSWS, sorry to hear you're having a rough time.

1. I know someone else has already mentioned it, but I'd really reccomend leaving her with dh for a day. Don't be anywhere near, Don't go back when the going gets tough, and plan to do it 2 days in a row. My dd starved herself the first day, then got better after that, but it was absolute hell for dh.

Have you any adoring grannys close by - they're realy good with that sort of thing and will probably be less stressed about her crying than your dh.

dd would accept water and not milk in a cup for a while, then it suddenly worked. She now refuses bottles altogether.

3. I'd also be tempted tp get tough on the constant b/f (so long as you're sure shes not a growth spurt type thing). For the 2 days after you try the cup make sure you're out and about throughout the day 'oh you want another feed and its only 5 mins since your last one? Lets go outside for a while'. DISTRACTION, DISTRACTION, DISTRACTION.

For calpol dosing, try and let her have a taste and then she 'sucks' it out. Originally though I always found it easier to give whilst she was screaming. She had a nice wide open mouth and would swallow it better then. I used a normal syringe - direct it into the side of her mouth - makes it harder to spit out. Try it yourself first - a squirt to the back of your throat makes you cough it out, a squirt to the side just slides down (well, sort of!).

4. dd goes through stages of nt liking her pushchair. The only thing that works for us it to carry her for a couple of minutes, then whilst she is distracted, pop her in. Sorry, not very helpful I know you'll have already tried it.

Good luck

Thanks ladies - reply below is mainly to Aitch, but gives you all an update of where we're up to too. Good to see you back to 'yourself' WriggleJiggle!

We've made a lot of progress over the last few days - it definitely helps that the holidays are over and all of our normal activities are back on.
I've stopped feeding totally on demand, and been missing out some of the times where she would always have milk, so we have a bit more of a structure to both milk and solid feeds. This has been helped by her sudden ability to stay awake until after lunch and manage on 1 nap a day (with a slightly longer sleep at night), which also coincided with her being able to walk unaided, which she seems to love!

Previously I would give her milk as soon as she woke up, usually in bed with me so that I could lie down, as it was always too early and I was knackered! I'd then be lucky if she'd eat even 2 raisin wheats. I'm now getting up properly (helped by her longer sleeping) and not giving her a bf until after her breakfast (she used to have one then anyway). I've also started using goats milk on her cereal, which, touch wood, she seems to be okay with, and obviously likes more than her hideous hypoallergenic formula. Hopefully she's now realising that this is the way it is, and if she doesn't eat then then she will be hungry! Today she managed 13 of them plus she wanted 3 or 4 bites of my toast .

For point 1 I did mean that she won't drink milk from a bottle either, but it's rather pointless trying to get her onto a bottle now when she'll then have to change again, so am going straight for a cup (we did try to get her to take a bottle from about 12 weeks old until around 7 months, when we gave up!). It's either me or nothing in her eyes. I reckon I can cope with this for a bit longer whilst we continue to up the solids and reduce the number of bfs in a day, and hopefully in a couple of months or so she'll just be having 2 or 3 bfs in a day, and then I might try to work on the cup thing again. I'll continue to offer goats milk in her cup with breakfast in the mean time and see if she will just amaze me one day and drink it! Must stand more chance with that than the formula.

Unlike your dd Aitch, we have gone over 3 days without a decent meal in the past, but hopefully with this new approach it won't happen again.

What is it with these Baby Einstein DVDs. Everyone seems to manage to get a bit of peace from them except me! Will try again one day when I really need it.
Not entirely convinced that dd will be happy sitting in her high chair whilst I'm cooking, but it's got to be worth a try for those days where it's too dangerous for her to be around the grill/oven etc. Actually starting to think that she might like a funpod . Perhaps I'll see if my dad can make something similar for her for a fraction of the price!

On the shower thing, we managed 2 better days this week. I got in her bath with her at the beginning of the week and washed my hair with the hand shower. I used it on her too so that she could see that it wasn't something to be scared of, and I think that has helped. I also tried putting a plate of pieces of raisin toast on the bathroom floor for her one day, hoping to kill 2 birds with 1 stone! She didn't eat any, but it did distract her quite well. We'll see how we get on this week with this one before I conclude we've cracked it, but we've at the very least taken a step in the right direction.

Yes, I do pay someone to do my ironing thankfully, and I get used to living in a dirty house . Used to have cleaners but they were rubbish and extortionate so I sacked them and haven't sorted out another yet. Must do something about that.

Thanks for the reassurance re chucking stuff. Have to say that I don't think I'll ever forget the mess though!!

Celery - yuk yuk yuk - is that really classed as food?! It's about the only thing I won't eat (unless cooked and disguised), and MIL gets anaphylactic from it, so not in any rush to persuade dd to eat it.

The other good news is that I took her to the baby clinic last week, and she is nearly back at her highest weight (from 33 weeks), so she's still been gaining, even if only down to the milk. She's tracking 50th centile now, which is fine by me. The hv was concerned when I told her the problems we were having with solids and milk obsession, and we now have an appointment at the 'behaviour clinic' on 24th Jan. The ladies there are lovely so we'll keep it even if we have made further progress by then, as it will be good to talk it all through and come up with a medium term plan.

Glad to see small steps in the right direction. You're obviously feeling happier about things too.

shit... do baby einstein vids not work on your dd...? you're screwed.

I don't understand how your DD won't sit in a pushchair. I am afraid I would be strapping her in and she would stay in it whether she liked it or not. Is there an element of ensuring who is boss here?

Oh yes Mears - she's definitely the boss!!!

Hi Ladies

Just thought I would add an update as we had our appointment at the behaviour clinic this afternoon.

Will summarise re each of my original points...

1. Still won't drink milk from anything else, but not feeling that this will be so much of an issue if we can get her down to just a couple of feeds a day. If there's an odd occasion in the future when I want to go out before her bedtime then I'll just feed her earlier and she can choose cup or nothing before bed! The nursery nurse I saw today is going to speak to a dietician and see if there are any nicer alternatives to Nutramigen. The goats milk that I've tried her with over the last couple of weeks does seem to aggravate her intolerance.

1. Lots of progress here, linked to point 3. She's now eating reasonable meals more often than not. Nursery nurse listened to the way I am doing things, and confirmed that I am doing everything right, although her one tip was to start removing whatever was left of her dinner after 20 mins and throwing it away. She might go hungry occasionally, but it won't be that long til her next snack anyway, and I can just increase the size of that if necessary. Hopefully she'll soon learn to eat instead of messing around.

1. I've been keeping her busy as she's less likely to be bothered about breast if she's out and about. When we are in I'm limiting the number of times I will feed her in a day. The last 2 days I've got her down to just 4 feeds, which is half what she was having when I originally posted . Am going to wait until she's 1 (another couple of weeks) and then agree a date with the nursery nurse to stop feeding her during the day - just doing morning and night. Nurse is confident from the food that I am giving her that she doesn't actually need milk at all for nutrition , which I found very encouraging.

1. Haven't made too many trips out in it, but the ones we have done have been mostly ok. She's just going to have to learn to love it!

1. This varies from day to day. We're out at some toddler group or other every morning anyway, and she's now napping well most afternoons, and seeming generally calmer. Now that she's starting to realise that she won't get milk every time she comes over and whinges, she doesn't bother as much. We play lots together, and I think that some of her moaning might have been down to the goats milk (one of the signs of her CMPI was irritability). Her new found ability to walk also helps to keep her entertained!

1. She slept in her pushchair when we were in town one day last week . Today she stayed asleep when I got out of the car, so I left her in there (with the car and house door open so that I'd hear her if she woke). Feels like there's hope at last!

1. Sorted. TV on Nick Jnr in bedroom, she watches it, climbs over the bed, wanders in to see me (with occasional brief moan), and generally ransacks the rooms she has access to, but she doesn't scream and cry throughout .

Feeling much happier and more hopeful

I am new on this site and am having a lot of trouble getting my ten year old daughter to take solids, she is exclusively breastfed on demand but have now tried to stretch the feeds to atleast four hourly. Having trouble cutting out the night feeds too -any advise on how to do this while baby fusses and cries demanding it? Im interested in the routine 'cant starve wont starve' is following and how you did this, as you seem to have been in a similar situation but things are looking well on your end now. mY DD Is milk intolerant also and have tried introducing soya in a beaker, i am not sure if soya is the way to go as a substitute and would like peoples views and/or experiences with this.

(Almost changed my name before posting this, remembering the Great Fruit Shoot Wars of pre-Xmas, but here goes ..)

My DS was not keen to exchange breast for a sippy cup. So I, err, put a little bit of sugar in the cup as an, erm, incentive. He liked the taste, and never looked back. I reduced the sugar over time and he didn't notice. I even put his fish oil in there and he kept right on drinking.

As for the buggy, we bought him a little red car on wheels with a push handle and seat belt (by Step 2, i think it was). He thought it was the bees knees and would go anywhere in it, holding onto the steering wheel and pressing the hooter. Not as practical as a buggy and he couldn't sleep in it but good for trips to the park or play farm, even local shops.

Good luck.

my 11 m/o is still not keen on milk from a cup ( avent magic soft spout) but will drink dilute juice from it. So if I'm out for the day and hes with CM or his dad thats what he drinks. he goes to bed with out a milk drink most times his dad does bed time, hes offered one but if he refuses then hes put to bed without. Mostly he goes to sleep fine and we have a normal night from him. The first couple of dad bedtimes WERE hard on DH, but it does mean I can work occasionally into the evening.
I figure hes getting liquid and its not every day so won't hurt.
I did have to get mean to cut down the breast feeds,now its 3 or 4 a day, keeping him busy during the day helped, as did giving him crackers and juice when he signed for milk.
Can't offer much on the ammusing self front, hes always been Ok at that, we practise slack parenting ... now my problem is stopping him amusing self with the bin and the stairs.