Family member struggling with parenting. Can I help?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Or does anyone have any suggestions? I don't think i can help much tbh. Background - she is a single mum to two primary aged boys, close in age. Not seen their dad since they split two years ago. Suffers with depression. Doesn't work (i feel this is relevant, only because her world in tiny atm and she thinks she would feel better if she was working a bit, confidence etc) she said last week that if she had known what it was going to be like she wouldn't have had children. I felt really sad that she feels like that and its playing on my mind.

Children are 'full on' for want of a better description. Constant fighting between themselves, always wanting to go home if you they are out (to play computer game) asking to be bought food then refusing to eat it. Running off, shouting, moaning and so on. Please don't think i am being nasty, I am just describing what i see and she would agree. An hour if it gives me a headache so i can only imagine how she feels.

I don't know why i am posting really other than i felt like i wanted to help but don't know how. She does have supportive parents but they're getting to the stage where they dontvwant both children together.

Could you offer to have them for 1/2 a day so she can have some time to do whatever she'd like, and try and engage them in something completely new and different? Something where they need to cooperate together without fighting like a climbing wall (we have one in our local sports centre which is inexpensive). Maybe you could become some sort of extra adult in their life?

I don't know though- I have no experience so this might be completely unreasonable as a suggestion!

Tell her to contact her local Home Start. They are very helpful. Also depending on their age talk to the health visitor and join a local single mums group. And if you can do anything pop in or call her or have the kids for an afternoon or
Morning.

Babysit. A afternoon or evening every other week maybe, just to let her have some time to herself.

Thanks for your replies. I have a young baby and would find it difficult to have both of them plus baby so i have offered to take one when the other is doing an activity but he has said he doesn't want to. Also her parents are close by and offer tkmo babysit weekend nights when they are in bed but she has refused that too. I think i Will just have to keep up with the calls texts and trying to meet up more often.

You mentioned her not working. Perhaps encourage her to do some voluntary work while the boys are at school? If she thinks work would improve her confidence and mood (I completely agree that it would), voluntary work is a great non-stressful stepping stone. She can get some new skills on her CV, build her confidence, make some new friends and it is very flexible.

That's a great idea Lilac thank you. I think she's worried about takingbthe step into work and the financial implications so voluntary work would be a good starting point.

Could you all go out together to do something the boys would enjoy and not fight?

It can really help when you are struggling with a child to do something that you all enjoy - it makes you see that it is possible for the children to be enjoyable themselves.

Also agree that if one is under 5 and especially if diagnosed with depression the HV can help.

We do go out together when we can. Its hard to keep suggesting it when its really not enjoyable. For any of us . The children debt want to go, they might enjoy an hour but then there's the 'when are we going home' thing all the time. I don't know. Its like a constant battle. Thanks for the suggestions anyway.