my family think i am cruel because ..

[WeWishUAMerryXmasNANappyNewYr]

they all wanted to buy my lo for xmas a walker, an excersaucer and a door bouncer. i refused. i said no they are a waste of money, take up lots of unecessary room and they aren't good for them. i'm sorry but i am not cruel i am saying no for his own good! ds also has only ever had a baby gym which converts into a playnest and that's all he will ever have until he can pull himself up and then he shall have the push along walker we got given that used to be my cousins. i mean fgs he didn't even have a bouncer!! we have a lie back car seat that he sometimes goes in to have his milk so he can hold it himself while i do something but thats it. the rest of the time hes on the floor. my mum also thinks this is cruel because it is "hard and uncomfortable" i mean really!! why is it companies have to manufacture such crap and try an convince us it will help with our babies development when we all know it just hinders it! to top it all my nan now thinks he should have a play pen! my child is not a dog! a room where everything is out of reach and a safety gate on the door will be sufficient thank you very much. ok sorry rant over!

Is a door bouncer bad for them? We were thinking of getting one for DS although I don't think we will now as nursery furniture is a bigger priority.

oh i forgot to mention the baby swing they wanted to get him lol!!

yes they are bad. the sling position they put babies in is not good for there backs. its for the same reason a lot of baby slings where the baby sort of just hangs have been slated and now the ones like the ergo where the baby is straddled are being recommended.

there's a link here that explains a little bit about it door nouncers and walkers

stick to your principles. they sound spot on to me.

i am looking for a nice way to tell my mil to limit prezzies to 3 gifts next year if she really must give more than one. it's a small step to the mind set that just because the money is there to be spent doesn't mean it should be spent.

keep considering how practical it will be firstly.

It's your baby, you get to decide. Stick to your guns.

agree yours is the final decision but it sounds like they want to do something nice for your baby which is lovely. Can you suggest anything else they can give/do?

I understand this entirely (although my dd has all the 'crap' - sorry - she's only in them a few mins at a time) I try to explain to my MIL in particular that I know what's recommended or not because I'm reading all the time, and just because it was OK 30 years ago, doesn't mean it's OK now, things change! AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!

btw, not mean at all, just doing what's best for your child!

We had a door bouncer but were very anti walkers much to older relatives dismay. Stick to your guns. Did use the travel cot as a playpen for a bit to get ironing etc done and had a bouncy chair for dd but didn't for ds (firstborn) - godsend as she had reflux.

i told my mum it would be much more practical to get ds something which he can use when he is a bit more mobile, so she bought him this

and his godmother (my godmother also) got him the leapfrog learnaround playground thingy.

everyone else just got him some toys which will be more suitable for when he can sit up. eg the stand up ball blast, some piano/dance mat thing that i can't remember what it is called, shape sorter, and a fisher price thing which you put balls in the top press a lever and they come out the bottom.

they weren't happy about it mind!!

ds had reflux to but we carry him round in the sling or put him in his car seat (it is one of those that lies back so even when in an upright position it isn't too bunched up iyswim)

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

ahh well if you are a child minder it is a bit different then. i only have the one at the moment but if i had a toddler and a newborn i would probably put the toddler in the room with the gate on the door and bring ds say into the kitchen, or if i was going upstairs put the toddler in his room with a gate on the door and ds on the landing in carrycot or something. i suppose something like a babydan would be useful for these instances but they aren't really needed for what would be such a short time. i think once babies are crawling they are resilient enough to be able to cope if a toddler came along and pushed them over or whatever. friend has a 18 month old and a 6 month old. 18 mo regularly is a bit over excitable with the 6 mo. the 6 mo if used to it and actually quite enjoys a bit of rough and tumble now lol. you can't protect them forever from their older siblings might as well get them used to a bit of rough play from a young age. obviously if toddler was too violent they would be disciplined accordingly though. hmmm i think i've gone on a bit haven't i? if they were playing outside and i needed to go in i guess i would just take them in with me so they wouldn't drown in a paddling pool and what not.

Haven't read whole thread but totally agree that baby bouncers are at best unnecessary and at worst dangerous. Also take up space and interfere with baby's natural development. I support your assertiveness in refusing such a gift.

i think my family thought i was being ungrateful and that they should have the right to choose ds' xmas present themselves. normally i would agree, but they are expensive and big items. no point wasting money on something we will not use and will clutter up the house and as they could affect my baby's development i think we are talking about slightly different circumstances. it would be like wanting to buy someone an 18 certificate DVD if the child was only 12. yes some people think it doesn't do any harm and maybe it doesn't, but it is up to the parents to refuse such a gift if they think it is inappropiate. sorry for going off on a slight tangent there!

Totally agree, and although my IL's haven´t always understood my similar (tactful!) refusals, in hindsight MIL said she would rather give ds something we would actually use and not waste the money. I usually give choices for ideas so they can still pick their favourite and feel like they have chosen.

My PIL have just brought dd a huge silver cross toy pram, she's only 19mths, its almost as tall as her and designed for an older child, but of course dd wants to push it everywhere. We've only got a little house and she's pushed it about a bit and keeps yelling 'stuck' as she bumps in to furniture. I'm going to try and hide it until she's bigger - if I can find somewhere to put it! They mentioned that they might get her a pram ages ago, and I suggested a few other things that might be better as I thought she was a bit young, they sounded interested but obviously didn't listen! why do people do this!? don't want to be ungrateful but it is huge!

Yes, totally agree. Slightly different circumstances, but my MIL absolutely insisted that she bought me a steriliser, bottles and a tub of cow and gate for "when" my own milk dried up in the middle of the night! WTF?

Things don't change - she went ahead and bought an enormous inflatable car paddling pool even though we had a garden the size of a stamp and couldn't inflate the thing, let alone fill it with water. And she's forever buying really crappy plasticky car playsets that break in 5 minutes. I've started conspicuously leaving them in the boxes then taking them back to the shop as soon as possible.

I refused a baby walker one Christmas but got saddled with a horrible cheapo sit on rocking dog that scared the nappy of DS1. So I made sure that I told her it scared him, and made sure that she was there the day I took it to the charity shop. Same scenario with the 3 foot nylon crocodile and the giant knitted clowns.

At the end of the day, it's your child and you choose what they play with. If relatives insist on buying stuff you don't think is appropriate, just politely put it on one side, say "thank you, but to be honest we really don't need one" and ask them to change it for something that you would like. If your relatives are anything like mine, it's just an excuse for them to spend their money on something that comes in a big, gaudy box.

I had the same thing with my mum she couldnt accept that I didnt want LO in a walker. They did buy a little swing, which we used a grand total of once!

My DS (now almost 3) never had a door bouncer, or a bouncy chair and was given a second hand walker that he was in twice cos he tipped it over trying to reach something and i don't think he suffered as a result of not having any of those things. He spent most of his early life either asleep in his pram in the living room, attached to one or other of my boobs or being held by my father, sittng in his chair watching horse racing (which might explain DS fascination with horses!! ) who would refuse to let him go until he needed his nappy changed. When older his biggest thrill was being down on the floor on an old quilted blanket that i had been given by his godmother and rolling around on that kicking up his legs and having a great time. Can still remember the look of astonishment on his face when he managed to roll over for the first time

ha ha ds cried when he first started rolling over. when he first learnt he did it as soon as u put him down but i think it scares him cos he never does it now!i keep insisting to people that he can do it ... honest!

Did I miss something - what is wrong with baby swings (except that they take up a ridiculous amount of space)?

well i just see it as everyone says babies shouldn't spend too much time scrunched up in car seats cos of their spines and cos of lack of oxygen when they fall asleep. to me a baby swing looks the shame sort of shape as a car seat so i don't believe they can be very good either?

admittedly we do have one that my mum got second hand and forced upon us, but ds has been in it all of once - when she shoved him in it cos he wouldn't stop crying, and all it did was make him cry more!

LittleB at that age my DD loved her little buggy from ELC for £5 (think it is £6 now). And it can be folded so takes up very little space. But importantly, it is quite lightweight and the handles are low, making it much easier for a 1yo to manage, and also unlikely to cause as much damage to the furniture.

Nappyaddict - OK, I can live with that - our baby swing lies almost flat, so not like a car seat - and DD doesn't spend more than 20 minutes in it anyway. It still takes up a ridiculous amount of space, though