In dec I had to have a major operation on my heart, it was a long time coming and was pretty serious stuff. I was terrified of dying during the surgery and leaving my children alone in the world, I can not tell you what it took to go through with the operation in the first place, but I had no choice.
My mum was here to look after my 2 dc aged 7&9, due to the seriousness of my operation my dh was allowed to stay with me over night. My mum does nothing at all to help with childcare usually, and does not even baby sit, when she comes to see us she tends to just do so for company more than to help, she does nothing to support us and never really has done, so this was a first. My dc were at school all day, so she only had to get make them tea and put them to bed, and they are such good little girls, they were so happy she was staying and so helpful. On the last night she said was tired and went home, and my dh had to come home and look after dc.
That night, which was unlucky in the timing, I developed a very serious potentially life threatening complication, and was very very seriously ill in hospital. My dh pleaded with my parents to come back on the phone (they live an hour away) or to come to the hospital as I was in a very bad way. My parents told dh they were too tired to come. The shock was pretty immense that they did not come, throughout my time in hospital I expected them to come but they never did, and furthermore they did not even call or even text me to see if I came through it, they just went completely silent. This to me is beyond my understanding, if this was my child I would move heaven and earth to be there with them.
Since that date they have not called, texted or even sent a card and have not done so since my surgery. My sister (who lives in hk and is 7 mths pregnant ) is as shocked as I am, she said that my mums reason was that was she was 'stressed' and 'tired' and thought I would be angry with her if she called???!!!!! It is so unbelievable, it is so hurtful as to make my dh and I incredulous listening to the 'reason'. It has hurt me so much my mum didn't care enough to even send a single text.....
I am so stunned and so hurt, that when I desperately needed my parents they were not there. They still have not called or texted me, and I just find this utterly unforgivable. How could they be so unkind? And given what has just happened to me, I just can't get over it.
Even if a neighbour or friend at school had gone through such a serious operation I would have offered help and support, by way of text or other means. How can my own parents do this to me?
My dh whom was looking after me (with such love and care it has to be said, thank god for him) has now gone back to work, he faced losing his job otherwise, leaving with me 2 dc and a very difficult situation of trying to look after my children in my condition, I am finding it very hard to do the basics because the restrictions post surgery. I feel completely abandoned by my family (my dh parents are dead, so we are without any other family) we have lots of friends but there is only so much you can ask and for so long. I am devastated. I feel like I have lost my parents in all of this. I just can not bring myself to forgive them for ignoring me when I needed them most, for turning their back on their grand children and for being so uncaring.
It is mothers day in a few weekends, and I just can not bring myself to send my mum a card, although we have been so close all of my life, I can now see this has always been on her terms....what would you do? Not just about mothers day but about the whole situation?
I feel honestly like my heart is breaking with the pain of nearly losing my life and leaving my children here without a mother, and losing my own mum in the process. I don't know where else to turn.
Thank you for reading my post.