what would you have done?

[theUrbanDryadWithSparklyWings]

ok - i'd like some opinions here.

my godson, (10) got given a remote-controlled Dalek for a combined xmas and birthday present by a family friend (not me). his sister (8) was playing near it and accidentally bent the aerial of the remote control slightly. not enough to break it. godson totally overreacts and punches her as hard as he can in the face. godson gets sent up to his room and made to apologise half an hour later, sister gets lots of cuddles in the meantime.

but after he'd apologised, he was allowed to continue playing with it as if nothing had happened...

now, personally, had he been my child, that toy would have been removed until at least after new year's, when he had learned to control his temper a bit better. but i'm curious as to what others think? am i too harsh? or is his mum too lenient?

He would have lost it for a good few days!! My 5 year old got a remote control car and every time he leaves it where the baby can get it I take it off him for a day. He needs to learn he has to look after his toys as the baby could easily break it.

I think

a) as it's not your child, well, then it's not your business, not really.
b) I would have said immediate bollocking plus removal from situation plus apology to sister plus lot of attention to the hurt one was absolutely right and spot on as a punishment
c) yes, your punishment would have been way too harsh imo

Not sure I would have removed the toy until after new year but I do feel that at 10 the punishment was maybe a little too lenient, not sure what I would have done as my dc's are both under 4, I'll think about it for a bit

For a punch full in the face I think the punishment was too soft. I think I would have put the toy away for a few days and made his life hell for something like that. By hell, I mean he certainly wouldn't be watching tv or having any treats and I would tell him why every time he asked.

He's 10, not 5 and surely knows better than punching in the face, even if his toy was broken.

When I consult on behaviour management issues I ALWAYS teach consequence rather than punishment.

And, that consequence needs to be;
Relevant
Immediate
Of an appropriate stature

So, imo, the first consequence (removal and apology) was enough and fitted the bill very well. An explanation and time to think before the apology would be best rather than an immediate and perhaps meaningless 'sorry'.

There is no need to drag things on by removing the toy as this does not allow him opportunity to demonstarte his learning and heightened empathy immediately which is important too.

well, he was sent to his room for half an hour wasn't he? and then was made to apologise? I think that I would have done either, so either sent to room, or taken away toy, but to do both is quite harsh, and I consider myself to be a very strict parent. At least the child was pulled up because of his actions - would have been far worse if he'd just been told to apologise and then left to get on with it.

I don't tolerate hitting at all so i suppose I would come down on him hard to that. Depends how your kids play generally I suppose. I don't think "go to your room" or "right, you can't have your toy now" is enough at that age.

my issue with it really was that i think he felt that he had got away with it, and not really learnt that it wasn't ok to smack his sister in the face.

wickedwaterwitch - you're right, he's not my child, so it isn't really any of my business. nor do i even have children yet (currently 37 weeks pg), but i am interested in behavioural issues, and also feel that as his godmother i am responsible for his upbringing to a certain extent.

thanks for all your replies!

I didn't mean to offend you urbandryad. Do read the Octopus in a string bag thing though, you might like it.

Did he just get sent away or did he have the innapropriateness of his actions explained ti him calmly?

The time away needs to be reflection time not 'we're all too angry at each other for it to be prouductive' time.

www - that's fantastic! i love it!

unfortunately, my very good friend (his mother) is less than consistent when it comes to discipline, so no, there was no calm explanation of why he'd been sent to his room. i also think that he was quite shocked at his own actions, and had he been made to watch his sister's distress it might have had more of an impact, rather than the "i'm too angry to deal with you right now" reaction...

I am mother to a DS who might have responded similar (lashes out when loses his temper) and basically agree with the ideas OP had about taking away the toy for a week or so. I just know that that would get my DS's attention better than any alternative.

Have no idea about other people's children.