should I say anything to friend?

[anotherBadAvatar]

I've changed to few details because I'm not sure if said friend is on here.

I love my friend dearly and have known her for 10+ years.

She has a 3yr old DS, who admittedly is a handful, but not dissimilar from any other pre-schooler I have met. I have a (nearly) 2yr old DD for comparison.

Every time I meet her, she will say (in front of her DS), "Oh, he's being really miserable and whiny today". Every. Time. She will say this a number of times in any particular day when I meet up with her.

I wonder if it't not becoming a self-perpetuating cycle, and he's aware of what she's saying, and so the cycle continues.

If I point out that she says this, I think I may hurt her unintentionally, as I don't think she realises she does it. I really don't care if her DS is being whiny, it just feels like she's apologising for him all the time when she doesn't need to, and he's picking up on the negativity.

When people say this to me I usually say something like "Yes, he's 3, it's in their job description!" or "Don't be daft, it's just what kids do."

All said lightheartedly but the meaning is clear.

Why don't you ask her how she's feeling, because it sounds like she's not happy/coping/enjoying this stage?

Confused that's what I've done so far. I've normally just said "Oh don't worry, he's fine, do you want me to get the next coffee other subject to change the topic"

She honestly does have the patience of a saint with him, and I've never seen her get cross with him, but she is pregnant with no 2 and finds it a bit much I guess. I have offered babysitting etc, but never get taken up on it. She does have a DH who is also a great friend of me/my DH's. Her DH is very helpful/supportive, but I suppose I should check that she's coping with it all behind the scenes.