AIBU to be totally heartbroken when my DD2 splits up from her boyfriend?

[kweggie]

After 4 years my tempestuous youngest daughter has called time on their relationship,for the time being at least. He is devastated. I am gutted for him, as he called her his 'whole world'. And to be honest I am gutted too.He has become part of the family but I can't see him overcoming the rejection to keep up a relationship with us. I feel totally bereaved . AIBU ?

Well, if you liked him, it's perfectly reasonable to be a bit sad, and miss a person who's been part of your life for so long. But being 'heartbroken' and 'bereaved' is excessive and suggests that for some reason you were too invested in the relationship. Especially as it seems to be all about the ex-boyfriend's feelings and your feelings, rather than what was or wasn't best for your dd. In fact, look at the things you've said about your dd: 'Tempestuous'... 'for the time being'... 'his whole world'. Not a word about how she feels.

I think you are WAY too invested in your daughter's love life. And if she is under 30, as her mom I would be celebrating that she is moving on and not tying herself down in her 20s or making her love interests the central motivating factor in her life. This is the age to focus on career, vocational and avocational interests, friends, travel, trying out various lovers, etc. - not becoming an old stodgy couple.

Nor, frankly, would I want my daughter involved with someone who called her "his whole world." I would want a well-rounded, independent, mature and non-needy mate for her or anyone else I cared about.

It would probably be healthier to consider her friends, platonic or otherwise, as HER friends, not as members/potential members of your family.

ot becoming an old stodgy couple

Some of us like being an 'old stodgy couple' as it happens