DS1, 2.9, has speech delay, we are 6 days into potty training attempt no 2, should I give up or keep going?

[kitegirl]

We tried a month ago and it was a total disaster, he got so distressed on day three that I couldn't bear see him cry like that. Now, second attempt, today was day 6 of full-on boot-camp (as in no pull-ups, potty practice every 15-30 mins), and I am not sure whether we are going to crack it or whether I should give up again. Yesterday we had 4 wees in potty and two accidents, today three accidents and three wees in potty. Still refuses to sit on the potty and screams 'no potty!', bribery does not help. Does not seem to be able to feel when he needs to go and definitely is not giving me any signs either.

DS has speech delay and he is being assessed for autistic spectrum disorder. He has difficulties with regards to social relationships in that (in summary) 1) pretty indifferent to praise and doesn't take pleasure for pleasing his parents in a way a neurotypical child his age does 2) is not very interested in copying us so the usual 'you are a big boy now like daddy' has little meaning and 3) resistance to change, he doesn't seem to understand why he can't have a nappy. So motivating/rewarding him is an issue.

With these constraints, do you think I should keep going or give it up? He really does not want to use the potty but then again we have had definite progress from Monday when he was just weeing and pooing everywhere all day!

Thanks for your help
x

I'd give you amd him a break and leaveit until he's ready. Dd ?(nt)is 3.1 and not potty trained if it's any consolation. She's not ready imo.

My ds1 is severely autistic (aged 7) and I made ther mistake of trying to wait until he could talk before starting potty training (he can't talk now!). IN the end I had to forget the communication side of it and just go for it.

Forget the boot camp. Just keep putting him on the potty (or even better toilet so you only have to teach one thing- a child who is autistic/has similar problems won't switch easily from potty to toilet- well they might but quite possibly won't). Get whatever he likes doing and encourage him to sit on the toilet/potty regularly and just try and keep him there (pump full fo drink beforehand). Then when you catch a wee by accident, reinforce reinforce reinforce with the strongest reinforcer you have. For us it was chocolate buttons. Let him wear a nappy inbetween. Ds1 got there eventually with this approach but it took months and months (about 8 I think). Like anything with autistic type problems it is a long hard slog (especially if imitation skills are poor) so I'd start early. With ds1 it clicked overnight suddenly and once he'd got it we really didn't have any accidents. Be careful though- you know how strong their will power is. During potty training we ended up in hospital twice because he'd held on for so long his bladder had gone into spasm, so at the first sign of distress I'd back off. Accept that you're in for the long haul and try and keep it relaxed. I also made trhe mistake of trying to incorporate PECS etc- it was too much and no use at all. Just get him used to the environment anf the sensory feeling of using a potty or toilet.

There is a really good book called something like toilet training children on the autistic spectrum . Amazon stock it.

thanks jimjams I was hoping that you'd see this.

so if he has ASD type problems the trad approach of no pull-ups & nappy cold turkey does not really work? I was told that if I put him in pull-ups for outings I'll go back to square one. I realise that with him it will be a long slog so I was despairing of the prospect of having to stay indoors for months.

www I know - but in ds's case I am not sure if he will be any more ready in 6 months' time, I just know we'd have a similar battle. Nice to know that there are other children who are not trained at his age. Peer pressure is why I posted this message, otherwise I would not give a toss.

DS is also 2.9, and not trained. He's showing very little interest, so I am pretty much doing it as JJ said above - shove him on potty when I can be arsed in front of telly, chocolate when he produces (at the very start would have to bribe him with a biscuit to start sitting on the potty)!

kitegirl- I certainly wouldn't stay in for months It might work quickly- I think part of the reason it took so long with us is becuase I made the mistake of trying to wait until he was "ready" when of course he never was (he is one of the very few toilet trained children in his school). I know Davros' son was trained at an early age and she started younger- not sure what method she used. I used pull ups etc when out and about because otherwise it would have been months and months of weeing and pooing everywhere and I didn't see the point (training NT ds2 going cold turkey worked because we could talk about it, he knew what the end goal was etc- that wasn't the case for ds1). I did try incontinence pants as well when I thought he was beginning to get the idea, but I don't think it made much difference.

Something I've learned this year which has been very useful is that many autistic children (especially children who are non-verbal- very language delayed) think in associations so they don't think in a linear sequence generally- therefore what you need to do is build up an association between the toilet/potty and weeing/pooing. Everything else is pretty much irrelevent I guess, and it doesn't really matter if he wees in a nappy when he's not on the toilet. There may be sensory problems to be tackled along the way (flushing toilets are a common problem), but generally I think children with ASD do not learn in the same way. I know your son hasn't been diagnosed- but the problems you describe in the first paragraph sound similar.

Agree with mummytosteven about needing something reinforcing to keep him on the potty. Before you start think of your reinforcers. Keep the strongest one for when he actually does something (musical potties can be popular with some children with ASD), then try and use the next strongest as reinforcement to stay on the toilet. We played SOOOOOO many games of round and round the garden when I was toilet training ds1