Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Don't feel anything anymore

15 replies

calebsmum · 22/12/2006 13:17

Ds is 22mths and from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes back to sleep he moans, cries and is generally unhappy. He headbutts the floor or wall at the slightest upset and screams hysterically when he's in the pushchair. As a result I now get anxiety attacks about taking him anywhere public. Today I went into town and unless he had either grapes or wotsits to eat he screamed and headbutted the side of his pushchair, people actually stopped and watched us, I was nearly in tears and just walked home. For the entire 20min walk home he screamed and shook, and strangely enough I felt really calm, I didn't speak one word to him and really couldn't care less how loud he screamed or if he hurt himself, I genuinely didn't feel anything.

It's just not normal is it?? Feel like a complete failure, is 22mths too old to start nursery?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SmileysPeople · 22/12/2006 13:21

Is this a 'phase'? Or has he always/often had behaviours like this?
You're not a failure, this would wear anyone down.
What suppoet do you have?
maybe nursery would be an option. He's not too young. Maybe a break for you and alternative stimualtion for him would help. Also would give you another perspective. How is he in a different environemt?

redbullandbump · 22/12/2006 13:23

has he allways been like this??
was he as sensitive as a baby to the pushchair?

ScummyMummy · 22/12/2006 13:29

Oh poor poor you, calebsmum. Sounds v upsetting and worrying. Has he had his scheduled developmental checks and seen the health visitor recently? Does she know how worried you are? Have you ever had anxiety attacks before? It sounds like it would be well worth consulting your GP to me. And no, he's not too young for a bit of childcare and it could be a godsend if times are tough. Do not, repeat not, repeat not feel embarrassed about getting in whatever support helps on any front- help for your son, help for your feelings, help with getting a break. I hope things get better soon.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

calebsmum · 22/12/2006 13:31

Saw the health visitor today and she wants to do a home visit so she can do a behavourial assessment some time in the new year. No it's only been the past month that he's been like this, don't know if it's just a severe case of the terrible twos and he'll grow out of it. He gets frustrated so easily, usually he is ok in the pushchair as long as I let him play in the park first, tried it today but all he did was cry and cling to me. Really don't know what to do, my nerves are frazzled. I do have support from DP and my family but everyone works full-time so can't leave him with anyone. Am just so tired and really dreading every day.

OP posts:

Chandra · 22/12/2006 13:32

What do you normally do when he headbuts the floor, or when he screams while in his pushchair?

Socci · 22/12/2006 13:32

Message withdrawn

Chandra · 22/12/2006 13:33

BTW you are not a failure, but a saint, get some time for yourslef if you can

SmileysPeople · 22/12/2006 13:43

Sounds likely to be behavioural then calebmums.
I wonder if he's a bit like mine at the momment? My DS2 who's 3yrs is being VERY testing with his behaviour. He gets quite easily upset and then works himself up into a rage where he just cannot be consoled or distracted. He is literally beside himself, it's like he cannot control or deal with the emotions he is feeling.
I have decided that when he is like this the best thing to do is leave him, as he will not respond to ANYTHING, even being touched. But it's very hard to do it feels cold and hard to leave a screamimg child on their own.
See you're NOT alone!
(and if it's any further consolation I'm a child psychologist! with an out of control child and struggling to know what to do!!)
What is his language like?
We are trying to talk to DS2 about his emotions and feelings, in very simple ways, so he can identify them a bit more himself.
This does seem to be having some impact, once calm he can talk about what happened and why. But hasn't actually stopped them!!

SmileysPeople · 22/12/2006 13:47

And definetly, get help. Ask for it, take it when offered. And talk about it, don't hide it, you've NOTHING to be ashamed of, everyone who has ever been a mother can relate to you in some way and will empathise.
And if they don't, and just tell you about their own perfect DC, I always think, who are they to convince and why? And then avoid them!
And people with perfect toddlers will have other problems somewher along the line. No parent gets awy totally unscathed by the guilt/failure trap.

MerryMellowmas · 22/12/2006 13:49

I called out hv to my ds2 because of the same behaviour. I can almost gaurantee it will have stopped by the time he is 2.

I was told this and though but he has finally stopped it. He used bang his head on the ground at toddlers/play-ground and whilst in his cot-bed. I felt like a failure and thought he must really dislike me.

I still do not know if it was his teeth or just being stubborn or not being able to communicate but he is 100 time better now. He will be 3 in May. Hope things get better x

MerryMellowmas · 22/12/2006 13:51

Forgot to say my ds used to go around with bruises on his fore-head too with all the head-banging.

Promise he will grow out of it

Socci · 22/12/2006 13:53

Message withdrawn

Jimjams2 · 22/12/2006 14:00

ds3 is like this. REALLY like this- he headbutts everything in sight, screams, does that arched back thing in the pushchair. I send him to nursery - he's happy providing he has 100% of my attention (which he can't have) AND gets his own way 100% of the time (which also can't happen). He loves nursery- I did wonder how he would be as he's so highly strung but he's doing really well. He currently goes on a Wed morning and all day Friday- increasing to Monday am as well when he's 2 after xmas. He goes to a childminder as well- and is on top form there, he likes playing and doing kiddy things- hates chores and sitting in pushchairs.

I also switch off and let it carry on. Do the same with ds1 as well (who is severely autistic and carries on). I remember a professional who was working with ds1saying "it is good you can let it all happen around you you know, it really helps". I made a comment along the lines of didn't everyone, and she said no, and it caused problems when people couldn't. So I'd say practice the switching off!

SmileysPeople · 22/12/2006 14:07

I found that with nursery, it helps to see that they can behave differently in another environment, but also induces feelings of so why are they so bloody awful with me?
Is it because I'm so crap at this or they just hate me so much?
But it's just because you're their mother and the most familiar. Also you have other things to do which they don't necessarily want to do e.g go to the shops.

divastrop · 23/12/2006 21:04

my ds1 used to scream so much he made himself sick,and my dd1 used to headbutt the floor etc.it was just toddler behaviour which got better when they learned to talk etc.
i'mpretty sure the older generation didnt leave the house with their children untill they were 5 years old as you would think none of them have ever seen a child have a tantrum.
fwiw my ds and dd1 are at junior school now and they fight/be cheeky/shout at me etc at home yet they are model pupils at school who work hard and never get into any trouble.they defo save their worst behaviour for their mums!

Flip