At wit's end with 4yo's poo withholding.

[longestlurkerever]

Dd1 is 4.5. Poo has always been an issue. I thought we'd cracked it last summer but it's back again. She got very constipated before Christmas and started having accidents. I took her to the doctor and we've been making progress with lactulose and getting her to sit regularly but she's still deliberately withholding and I just don't know what to do. I have to beg her to try to poo as if she doesn't I know she'll have an accident at school but I can tell she's not trying and it ends with me angry and in tears and us being late every day. I don't think she's constipated any more, though I worry she will get it again if she stops the medication (another battleground).

She had two accidents at school last week and refused to be changed. School have said they can't wrestle her clothes off her so will have to call me in if she refuses to be changed. I'm supposed to go back to work soon, I feel like this is ruining our lives (dramatic, but all my energy goes on this, I want to be doing so much more with her).

It's the psychological aspects that worry me. She's normally so articulate but will not speak about this. She glazes over and blanks me out when I try to have a calm conversation with her (it's a bit scary) and if I get cross she's weirdly unbothered.

I have a meeting with her teacher and SENCO and a telephone appointment with a doctor this week. Is there anything I should be pushing for in terms of a referral? At the very least she seems to have issues around poo but I'm starting to worry that it's a symptom of something else. She's wilful and high spirited and gets hyper and unmanageable if tired but is confident, cheerful and very articulate as long as she gets 12+ hours of sleep, some exercise and some each day. Her diet is ok I think. She likes vegetables and loves fruit. she doesn't drink enough. This is another battleground.

Any tips?

My DD2 used to hold on, then go in her nappy at night (late nappy wearer). They were a bit big and she got a small fissure. The doctor gave us lactulose and glycerine suppositories. After the first suppository , she started using the loo

I was always very particular as a child and would not use strange lavatories - it used to take me two days to use my grandmothers' and I was used to them! I remember being bunged up at 4 and being sat on a potty of hot water by my grandmother in a room full of relatives (probably works better on egg-bound hens).

I still have problems now and use Movicol - it is the best thing I have had. Routine is useful too - if you always go at 8am, you begin to feel like you need to go at 8am. I don't think I have ever had an 'urge' - I used to just go when it happened. Pelvic floor relaxation is useful too.

My ds was exactly the same I tried everything to get him to poo on the toilet. Turns out he wanted his privacy so if I left him to it he was more likely to poo on the toilet rather than in his pants. He still had accidents for a while then all of a sudden he just said to me one day(just before he turned 5) "Mummy I'm not going to poo in my pants anymore" and he didn't. So who knows

Thanks for that longest

When ds1 was about 3 and withholding badly, a triage nurse said "oh, my daughter was like that...still is and she's 24! Won't poo if there's anyone else in the house, or runs a bath to disguise it if she really has to" I didn't find it much comfort tbh!

Ds1 started nursery two days a week at 11mo, and I can't ever remember him pooing there. He'd always wait til he got home. Ds2 is going the same way, so I think it's either something they pick up from a tiny age, or its innate? Will def keep his water intake up then. He eats loads of fruit which I think helps. Will never forget the Christmas when ds1 was almost 3 and crying in pain with constipation after withholding for a week. I was on the phone to 111 being asked questions like "is he conscious and breathing?" when all of a sudden dh runs in saying "hang up! He's pooing!!". Seems calling 111 was a good laxative...Blardy kids.

Yes apparently even tiny babies can withhold if they experience pain when pooing. According to the book milk can be bad but my own gp said any fluid was better than none unless trial and error showed it was making things worse.

I've realised we've got that book already...I'd better read it! So ds had a mixed day with mess in pants followed by poo on toilet, followed by more mess and another toilet poo. All pretty liquidy. Sigh. He's earned his star anyway. On the plus side, new washing machine was delivered today! We contemplated keeping the old one for pooey clothes...

Update: she's better at taking her medicine and she is doing a poo at least once a day but she's soiling herself at school. It's super frustrating as she stops dead still when she needs to go and I have to rush her to the loo. She just won't go herself and if I'm not there she soils herself. Am trying to get less cross though and to spend quality time with her talking about other stuff. Have a meeting this afternoon to agree a care plan and have got my insurance to agree to cover an appointment with Dr Cohn so am waiting for his secretary to ring me back. Sigh.

How's it going op?

Ds is fairly regularly pooing on the toilet - but still withholding at nursery so we are pretty apprehensive about school in sept
The short course of movicol seemed to do the trick for now though. Hope your dd is doing well.

As someone who's come out the other side of this having been under a prof in the end, my top tip is to Step back and just relax. If she is soiled, say nothing, clear her up, move on.
Personally I only found picolax at night worked.
This won't go on for ever I promise.