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Parenting

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Original poster

only children

12 replies

slayerette · 21/12/2006 19:59

My DS is 3 going on 4. My husband and I don't want another child for a variety of reasons but I feel so guilty about it. Everyone seems to have an opinion - people I barely know tell me that I'm cruel or that I'll change my mind...I get so depressed at the thought that I'm a bad mother by depriving DS of a sibling but really don't want another baby. Is there anyone who can reassure me that I'm not setting DS up for a lifetime of misery and social inadequacy by my decision? It's the people who tell me I'm being cruel that hurt the most - is that true, do you think?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JustUsTwoTurtleDoves · 21/12/2006 20:04

This reply has been deleted

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chocolateshoes · 21/12/2006 20:11

It drives me mad that people think they have a right to express opinions on your family set-up. Its none of their business! I have 1 gorgeous DS but I def don't want another - like you for a variety of reasons. Our Dss will be fine because we are aware that they don't have siblings & will therefore make sure they socialise, share etc. They will be secure in themselves and who they are because they won't have to compete for attention with a younger sibling, and will be all the more confident for this.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

southeastastra · 21/12/2006 20:15

my dp is an only child, in a way i think it's made him more of a people person (iykwim) and he finds it easy to socialise with others. my son was an only child for 8 years until i had my ds(5) he is quite friendly too.

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Miaou · 21/12/2006 20:22

Well I'm pg with my fourth and I'm spitting feathers on your behalf! How dare people be so rude about your choices! Apart from being asked if ds was planned (he is several years younger than his sisters) I have never had comments about the size of my family, not even when I announced that I was expecting no. 4 - and AFAI'm concerned - that's how it should be. Mine and dh's decision and ours alone.

Easy for me to say slayerette, but please try to ignore these ignorant and hurtful comments. Perhaps have a stock reply to deal out in such situations, eg "Dh and I are happy with our decision and it really isn't for you to comment on" - with a firm smile, and turn the conversation to other matters.

kittyschristmascrackers · 21/12/2006 20:23

To give a balanced view, I am an only child and I've always hated the fact. I hate the fact that I don't have nephews and nieces etc.I really envy those with sibs and wish I had the relationship that my children have with each other.
But really it's your decision and no one should be expressing an opinion on how many children you have unless you actually ask them too.

Kaz33 · 21/12/2006 20:27

Yes, but it is total luck whether you get on with your sibling. Me and DB have always fought and still don't have anything in common.

Although I know some totally "odd" single children I also know some fab, sociable only children.

So don't stress, if you are happy your child will be to.

Troutpout · 21/12/2006 20:28

NO...it's a load of old crap...spouted of by a bunch of meanies
Enjoy your boy

HowTheFillyjonkStoleChristmas · 21/12/2006 20:35

oh god this always annoys me, though i have 2

how many of these people actually get on with their siblings?

most of the only kids i know have great, close relationships with their parents

rocketupbum · 21/12/2006 20:39

My best mate is an only child. She is well rounded, great company and has a fab relationship with her parents. I don't think people should judge anyone elses situation.

Original poster

slayerette · 21/12/2006 20:55

Thank you so much for your support! I do appreciate your point, kittyschristmascrackers, but my SIL is an only and she has a nephew - my DS! And it is a matter of luck whether you get on with siblings or not - my friend can't stand her brother so may as well be an only, and my brother contacts me about twice a year...He's never remembered DS's birthday or anything like that! Everyone's so different. I just needed some comfort that I'm not the only woman in the world who just wants one... - nice to know you're out there, chocolateshoes!

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Bekks · 21/12/2006 21:03

My dd is 3 and an only, and she will continue to be so because of her dad's mental health problems. People often ask me if I'm going to have another, which I hate because I would actually love to have another but it's just not possible. There are supposed to be more only children about now, and so in theory probably more parents like us keen that their children have playmates so maybe easier to make sure that your ds has lots of friends. It's easy to compare yourself and be compared by others to some mythical perfect family that no one's actually in - there are good and bad things about different family structures and all you can do is recognise what the good things are and build on them and what the bad things are and try to ameliorate them IMO.

Tillyboo · 21/12/2006 21:09

I went through this turmoil a few months back and actually posted on here which helped me make my mind up not to have any more children.
I'm 43 and don't think I could physically deal or cope with another child. Apart from the physical battering you go through before and after having a child (well, I did) it's for lots of other reasons I finally made the decision to stick at one. I went through all the emotions of feeling guilty that I was depriving my dd who is 2.8yrs of a sibling but there really is no guarantee that siblings get on or stay close etc. My dd has 4 cousins whom she adores and vice versa so I'm sure she'll have emotional support and closeness once we are gone. That was a big factor for me, I was terrified of leaving her on her own.
But then on the other hand, I couldn't imagine having to share my time with another child and dd not understanding why mummy couldn't spend so much one to one time.
I think whatever decision people make depends on circumstance and lots of factors so don't listen to anyone else. People stopped asking me when the heard the reply 'No' with no further explanation.
Good luck in making a decision. Once you have made it, you'll feel a weight lifted. I did. It took me 9 months to finally make up my mind after lots of tears, guilt and generally feeling totally torn. Luckily my dh stood by my decision and has been fantastic.
We look forward to each day with our d and treasure every waking moment with her

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