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Parenting

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Original poster

I know this is ungrateful but bl**dy brother and babysitting

25 replies

LittleMonkeysMum · 21/12/2006 11:02

DD is 14 months old, I am 8 1/2 months pg, and OH and I have been out together 5 times since DD was born. WE don;t have family nearby except for my brother who lives about 5 mins walk away. He has babysat for us twice, for which I am grateful, but I just wish he was a bit more willing. The last time we asked him if he could babysit, he said yes, then the next day said no, then recommended some friend of his girlfriends (a bloke) who looks after some other children but whom we don;t know well at all. Needless to say we didn;t go out afterall.
He's agreed to babysit tonight for us but has just called to request that we come home between 10 and 10:30 so he can go out afterwards! Fine I know, I should be grateful that he's doing it at all, but if he had kids, I would babysit all the time for him!!
The new year should be better as we've found someone we like and trust for paid babysitting, just wanted to sound off. Bit irritated that brother isn;t that keen on helping when I know if it was the other way round.....oh well!

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bluejelly · 21/12/2006 11:06

My brother was crap until he had his own baby-- now he is really helpful
I think it's just the way it is, bloody annoying though

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 21/12/2006 11:08

He doesn't have children therefore he doesn't understand. He thinks he's being helpful

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 21/12/2006 11:08

(and he is being helpful really, he just doesn't quite "get it")

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charliecat · 21/12/2006 11:09

Aw give him a break, its you thats had the baby, not him, and he IS babysitting, and you are going out...and so is he...id be grateful

compo · 21/12/2006 11:11

Hmmm... I agree with you, asking you to come back btw 10pm - 10.30pm does sound a bit selfish of him. What time are you going out? Hope you manage to have a nice time xxx

Bugsy2 · 21/12/2006 11:18

My children are 7 and 4.5 and neither my brother nor my sister have once babysat for me. I'd be thrilled to bits if they did, even if they put a 10.30 cap on it!!!

pablopatito · 21/12/2006 11:18

How is it selfish? I don't consider being related meaning you are required to babysit for your siblings.

morningpaper · 21/12/2006 11:23

What crazy night of debauchery are you planning that you need to be out after 10.30 eh?

We run out of things to talk about by about 7.05

HomeEd · 21/12/2006 11:24

I think you're lucky - lots of people don't have anyone at all to babysit for them.
If you want to dictate terms, you will have to ask someone else and pay them, I think.

2000milestoeidsvold · 21/12/2006 11:31

He has a life - other than babysitting for you. Sorry but as someone who has very little access if any to babysitting - I would relish someone who looked after them even if they did ask that I be in around a certain time so that they too could go out.

When my dd1 was born - she was almost 2 when dh and I were able to go out for the first time due to limited access to babysitting. Even then it was lunch so that our friends could do what they wanted to in the night.

Sorry but I think you need to be bloody grateful that someone is there to help no matter how small it is - better than nothing.

compo · 21/12/2006 11:35

I too consider myself very lucky to have one babysitter. perhaps selfish was the wrong choice of word but I would never dream of volunteering to babysit for someone and then insist they be back by 10pm. If I wanted to go out that night I wouldn't volunteer my services.

Original poster

LittleMonkeysMum · 21/12/2006 11:37

I don;t want to dictate to him, and thankfully I have eventually found someone we can pay, but ffs, in 14 months to babysit 3 times is not the end of the world, and yet each time of asking (only asked 4 times) you'd think I was asking for blood. I'm well aware that my brother has no responsibility for dd or any responsibility for making sure oh and I get nights out, but I'm just saying that if it was the other way around, I would have been a lot more helpful that he has been.
Also don't misunderstand, I am gracious and grateful beyond belief to his face, as I know that he doesn;t have to and he is of course doing me a favour, and would not dream of dictating terms to him. However I just felt like slagging him off where it doesn;t matter.
Fancied dinner and going to the pub MorningPaper, was going to get back for 11 anyway, but OH won't get back from work until 7:30 or 8 anyway, and when we run out of things to talk about I guess we can bitch about my Bro!

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MistletoeMiggins · 21/12/2006 11:38

I think 10pm is reasonable
my mum sits but I always make sure back by 10 / 10.30 at latest
iuf I want to stay out later, I pay someone

could he put kids to bed so you could go out earlier?

NotActuallyAMum · 21/12/2006 11:45

For the last 17 years I've babysat regularly for my nieces and nephews, still do for the younger ones. I would never ask their parents to be back for a certain time

SparklyXmasKat · 21/12/2006 11:51

I have one babysitter, my mum!!! we have been out about 2 times in the last 2 years, I have a 9 year old, 6 year old and a 5 year old. I think that your brother is being helpful, and you can't expect him to babysit when he has no children of his own. He won't understand. BTW my childless brother has NEVER babysat for me and I wouldn;t dream of asking him to.....
IMHO yes you are being ungrateful

NotActuallyAMum · 21/12/2006 12:05

Why should him having no children make any difference? I don't have any but I fully understand that my sister/brothers are grateful for a night out every now and then

Perhaps it's a man thing eh?

clairemow · 21/12/2006 12:11

Littlemonkeys, I set up a babysitting circle with my other mum friends last year and it's worked really well - you don't have to pay anyone to go out, and we all swap points. 1 point for every 1/2 hour before midnight, 2 points after midnight are taken off the person going out and given to the person sitting. We all started on 30 points and can't go down into minus numbers (!). So far, it's been great and we've been out quite a few times. The best thing is our DSs know the sitters every time as they spend time with the mums and their children on a regular basis. Perhaps you could do something like that if you know enough people (we have 7 in our group).

Original poster

LittleMonkeysMum · 21/12/2006 12:13

That's a great idea Clairemow, will start recruiting in the new year. I was going to ask how others managed it. We'd really like to go out more, but just can;t get the staff iykwim!

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clairemow · 21/12/2006 12:21

it does work well. there is one other thing we do - the person who's on the least points is always asked first to sit (this means that if you go out a lot, you also sit a lot, and those who don't go out so much don't have to sit so much). One of us holds "the book" so that the points can be recorded etc. then we have an evening get together at one of our houses every couple of months to "swap the book" or rather to sit about, drink some wine and have a chat without children there! Since we started it we've become really good friends, not just mums who met at a post natal group.

HEIFERmerryxmasandhappyMOOyear · 21/12/2006 12:29

I have to be honest.. I didn't really offer to babysit for my brothers at all.. always had to be asked...

Although they did have my parents around to help, I used to think - your children, you look after them!

I now know better! and unfortunately mum and dad aren't around any more, so have no one to babysit. Have never asked them as too embarrased... but they have offered, in fact begged to have DD over...

Don't blame him, he just doesn't realise that is isn't being helpful.. as others have said, when he has his own, he will understand, and will by asking you to babysite all the time... just smile and say yes, and not think to yourself , well he didn't do it for me..

Go out, have a good time, and make sure you are back in time for him to have a good night out also....

LoveMyGirls · 21/12/2006 12:55

do you have to go on that night can you say to him we were really hoping of really letting our hair down as we really dont get chance, cud he not go out the nxt night and stay as long as you need?

my sister doesnt have kids but does babysit if i really need her to, theres only been twice she has asked me to be back by a certain time and i agreed, it was either that or not go.

the first time we were going to a house party and she asked to be back for 12 as she had work the next day, we wouldnt stay out later than that as one of us had to get up with the kids anyway and the 2nd time we only went to the cinema and she wanted to go out after so we got back for 9.30, we were both shattered anyway. if we want a proper night out we ask our parents as they will have them overnight and part of the nxt day too. we are very lucky!!

LoveMyGirls · 21/12/2006 12:56

my first bit came out wrong (im not well! my head is cloudy) i meant him go out that night and the next day when he is feeling rough and can stay longer you can go out.

Original poster

LittleMonkeysMum · 21/12/2006 18:18

DD has a temperature of 38 degrees so feel can't go out anyway now. That's my come-upance eh?!

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Floatinginthemoonlitsky · 21/12/2006 18:35

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Original poster

LittleMonkeysMum · 22/12/2006 09:48

DDs temperature dropped so we went out. Brother turned up in the freezing cold and fog on time, the minute I saw him felt very ungrateful for being annoyed about him requesting we came home earlier than planned. DD woke up once and Bro gave her her cup of water patted her on the head told her all was ok and sent her back off to sleep (aaah!). We had a lovely meal out and were too knackered to go to the pub anyway so came back at 10 so brother was pleased.
Will try not to be so unge=rateful next time (if there is one!!) x

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