Thank you letters

[MrsGrumps]

I'm most definitely in the camp of children should send out thank you letters after Birthday's & Christmas.

BUT

Should a child send a thank you letter to a parent, especially a non resident parent? Although resident or non resident really shouldn't make any difference.

I was never expected to send thank you letters to my parents as a kid, although sometimes when they bought something really fabulous I would send a gushing thank you to them, but it was never expected by them. I've never expected letters from my kids.

My ex has got a real bee in his bonnet about never getting them. He hardly ever sees the kids, I'm talking like 3 or 4 visits a year for a few hours and never buys them presents they like due to not having a clue what they are into, although I appreciate the fact that a child likes the present or not shouldn't influence whether they send a thank you or not.

So in essense, should children send either parent a thank you letter?

On the assumption that you're a thanks-sending family (not going into whether that's right in the first place):

No, you need never write to someone under the same roof.

If it's someone they don't see often, then yes I would expect one to be sent. Degree of kinship comes second to frequency of contact on this one.

So yes, letter (probably by email)

(yes, I write thank you letters to my DMum for presents from her, in addition to a phone call, and also after I've been to stay with her)

My kids send thank you letters but I'd never expect them to write one to me and DH. If DH and I were separated, then I still don't think that would mean they should send him one.

I would expect them to send one to anyone they haven't said thank you to in person or on the phone

I am big thank you letter person, my DD will certainly be sending them every birthday and Christmas as I was brought up to do.

However, I wouldn't expect a child to write them for parents or siblings. I would expect a nonresident parent to have a phone call or visit and say thank you then.

My parents were separated when I was younger and so I did send my dad thank you letters (he was the non res parent). I think it's a nice thing to do, however it's outrageous that your ex actually expects it.

We send thank you letters to anyone we don't thank in person. So if the DC don't see the parent, a note is appropriate.

How old are the DC? If they are of an age where they could phone up and say thank you, then in the circumstances I think that would be ok too.

the DC are of secondary and junior school ages, certainly old enough to call but in all honesty they want to see their father, it's just he has no desire to see them hence only seeing them a few times a year. He even delivers the presents when he knows we won't be at home so he doesn't have to see his children

Which is why it grates somewhat that he expects a thank you letter. Personally I think he should step up to the mark as a parent and get down from his high horse but that is another matter.