I really struggle to treat my 2 DC the same

[MrsCrabb]

Mostly because they are so different, so maybe it's Ok, but it bothers me.

e.g. at various times both DC have had less than perfect school reports relating to the quality/amount of homework done.

DS1 would get angry and tell me why it's everyone's fault except his. The teacher didn't explain it properly, he didn't have time to write it in his diary, the printer wasn't working, he didn't have time because of all the chores he's made to do etc. So I get angry back and issue punishments. Thankfully he seems to have grown out of it (or the punishments worked!) now he's started GCSEs and we haven't had it for him recently.

However, now it's started with DS2 (yr8). DS2 lied swore blind that apart from one piece that he was very sorry about, he'd done all the work set. So I asked the teacher to clarify, to be told exactly how much homework he's failed to do or handed in late after lunchtime detentions (which he never told me about). Ds2 cried, he's very sorry, he must have not been paying attention when work was set, he'll try harder, he'll apologise to the teacher. So he gets a gentle, "make sure you do and it doesn't happen again" and a hug from me.

Does his different behaviour justify the different response from me or am I being unfair on DS1/letting DS2 down by not being firmer?

No, I think you've been fair enough. They both responded differently and so you responded differently. They're different people - treating them with "equal fairness" is not the same as treating them exactly the same way.

Make sure though that the over-apologetic DS2 isn't feeding you a crock of shit. I had that with DS1 - he was always really sorry because that's what he knew I wanted to hear, but just kept failing to do his homework regardless :o.

Oh absolutely, there is definitely an element of DS2 knowing exactly how to get the outcome he wants.

You don't need to treat DCs the same. They are different people.

You do, however, need to treat them equally.