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Parenting

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Original poster

Hubby and 'gay' comments

18 replies

buzzcok · 18/12/2006 14:46

My husband insists that our 8 year old son is gay, he doesnt say it in a mean way, just keeps on that he genuinly believes he will be gay.

Can you actually tell this young?? he does prance about a bit but he's only 8! Hubby often asks him if he finds certain women to be 'pretty' and when son says no he turns to me and says "see!" .

Am I right in thinking that 8 years old dont generally show an interest in the opposite sex??

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themulledSNOWMANneredjanitor · 18/12/2006 14:49

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WigWamBam · 18/12/2006 14:51

My friend's almost-8-year-old son thinks that all girls smell; he's far more interested in boyish things than in bothering with girls. He wouldn't tell you that he thought a girl was pretty even if he did think she was; he'd get stick from his friends for being girlie.

My initial thought is that your husband should stop putting words into his son's mouth, and that he should stop putting adult values onto childish behaviour.

GodRestYeMerryNORTHERNERs · 18/12/2006 14:52

I think you can tell from an early age in some cases. I used to work with a guy who was gay, and his parents knew from about aged 6 I think, he was just somehow different.

Think it's OK to speculate about your own kids in private, but certainly not in ear shot of your ds. So what if he is/will be? He needs to feel loved and secure so that when he feels ready to 'come out' he can do so.

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DetentionGrrrl · 18/12/2006 14:52

In my experience, 8yr old boys think girls are smelly and stupid, apart from their Mams of course!

Is your husband AFRAID of having a gay son? Poor DS will end up with a complex!

PizPizPiz · 18/12/2006 14:53

Your husband is going a bit fast I think ! It's normal for an 8y old not to find members of the opposite sex attractive. I also think your husband should be a bit more discreet about the subject in front of your ds, it could lead him to believe that gay is an illness or not normal. Not the sort of thing I'd like my kids to believe. If your husband's concerned he should keep quiet about it, at least when your ds is around.

ediemcreedie · 18/12/2006 15:04

Oh you definitely can tell. Think your dh discussing it so much is not helpful.

christie1 · 18/12/2006 19:29

I would be worried if my 8 year old boy was interested in girls. Way to young, they should find them horrible at this age. I agree, what is the big hurry, he isn't even in puberty yet. He may be right, who knows, but let him be a kid.

3andnomorethechrimbobimbo · 18/12/2006 22:53

Hm...funny enough, just had a conversation about this yesterday, and that person pretty much believes that her son is gay, he is over 10 now, but she says he has always prefered fairies and dlls, etc...and is just "different"! She worries about it, not for her sake, as her having a prob, but for his sake, as he is getting bullied, iykwim...but obviously his behaviour for him is normal, so...difficult one!
I also have another friend, who has a gay family member and she is pretty sure her es, 4, mihgt be gay...similar behaviour displayed as that otehr lad...not a prob for her, neihter...openminded....again just worried about future, perception of others!
Saying that, I don't think an 8 year old would necessarily show any interest for the opposite sex just now, so, THAT certainly is no "proof"...and obviously if the dad is making a big joke of it all it's not a good thing!
Must say, my es, now 10...it wouldn't surprise me if he turned out gay...but so what...he doesn't show "obvious" signs or anything, but he is of a sensitive nature, etc...but that may well be confused hormones...he certainly never displayed anything in that way in his early years....but saying that...I feel we will not make a deal of it whatever way he is wired..what will be, will be...have a fair few male friends that are gay and they are all lovely (hence friends, lol...no women haters there)....!

busybusymum · 18/12/2006 23:00

my DS (9) has loads of friends that are girls but never thinks of them as pretty or otherwise they are just girls!

My DD is always asking him "Do you think xxxxx is pretty?" he doesnt even look up from his gameboy before answering "NO"

Tillyboo · 21/12/2006 21:27

My brother who is 6.5yrs younger than me and my sister loved to dress up in our mums dressing gown with a towel turban on. He loved gymnastics and loved playing with me.
He is now, however, a 6ft 3" police sergeant with 2 boys of his own (one of who like playing with babies and dolls, the other hates pink !), built like a brick s**t house with a crew cut and couldn't be more male if he tried.

I'm not sure you can tell until puberty starts to kick in, but I'm no expert.
What on earth is your hubby thinking of asking an 8yr old boy if he fancies women ?

theUrbanDryadWithSparklyWings · 22/12/2006 13:42

i will never forget the amusement of my best friend's DP taking my his son out for some man-to-man bonding time at the local DIY store; son was about 4 at the time and insisted on taking a doll's pram with him. oh, how we laughed!

he's 10 now, still doesn't like girls. they smell and they don't like dr who. except me, of course!!

UnquietDad · 22/12/2006 13:48

DS loves girly things too. he was sitting up in bed the other day with his sister's pink toy phone and pink sunglasses. I don't for a minute think it's any indication of sexuality.

(In my experience, though, over 50% of adult Doctor Who fans ARE gay... No idea why this should be the case! Maybe it only applies to the old series.)

FioFio · 22/12/2006 13:49

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UnquietDad · 22/12/2006 13:51

?? I've just said it didn't!!

FioFio · 22/12/2006 13:55

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Chandra · 22/12/2006 13:57

We have some friends who have a 4 yrs old son that we all are quite sure he is, but as there are other gay people in his mum's family and the group of friends nobody makes a fuss about, we all accept him as he is.

Now, I have noticed that some people who have a judgemental aproach and obsesion in finding who is and or who isn't tend not to be so sure or even afraid of their own sexual inclinations.

Having said all that, I think is rubish to think a child is gay because he doesn't like girls.

chopchopbusybusy · 22/12/2006 14:02

I agree with most of the other views. Your son is too young to find girls attractive - I would be more worried if he fancied girls at this stage. When I was at primary school all my friends were boys, I used to like to wear my brothers clothes and I hated dolls and all things girly - I am very much "all woman"

flutturkey · 22/12/2006 14:03

Well my little brother loved girls, he had a girlfriend all through infant and junior school (and I mean the same girlfriend, very responsible little boy he was ) and guess what, he is gay.

Your DH is being a fool, he should have just mentioned it to you, and maybe had a fun 50p bet about it (a very long bet granted) and then dropped it. I would suspect that he is scared that your DS could be gay [nobemoticon] and so is over doing it all, you must get him to stop baiting your DS.

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