Two children, 21 months apart - tell me I will cope!

[Natedogg]

Bit of background, we struggled to have our first and had to have IVF. 'Surprise' 2nd pregnancy, with awful HG. Ever since I found out I've been worried how I'll cope (even though if you'd asked me if I wanted a 2nd child I would have jumped at the chance, but am now thinking that might just have been down to thinking that it would never happen). I love my first DC (15 months now) but it's such hard work sometimes.

He's at nursery, I'm really well supported but yet I still feel a sense of dread about what the future holds. I feel like I was just getting my life back on track, working again, going out now and then etc. I just feel like I'm being so ungrateful!

I keep reading threads about how awful and difficult it is. Please tell me it'll be ok? I want to be able to enjoy my children, and not just 'cope' or get by.

Thank you and please be gentle!

Congratulations. 16 month gap here. The people who will be most negative in my experience are those who haven't had a small age gap.
It's bloody tiring, but good. It really does help if you get your toddler into a good routine beforehand. Then it is possible to cope with a baby whose sleep leaves a bit to be desired

thats quite a normal and common age gap. Youll be fine

You'll cope. Ans you may even enjoy it!
Mine are 21 months apart and the little one is 9 weeks now.
You will be busy all day, but some things may be easier than you think. For instance, I was dreading the lack of sleep, but my youngest does a 5 hour stretch overnight, so this is way better than I'd hoped. And my toddler sleeps for 2 hours in the middle of the day.
But I didn't see him going through the terrible twos so soon. He's a delight, but can be really hard work, especially around mealtimes.
I do use TV more than I used to, particularly if I need a shower, or to bath the baby. But still only a max of about 30mins in the morning and 30mins late afternoon.
I love it to be honest. The only thing I don't like is that I carry the baby in a sling while the toddler uses the buggy, and I end each day pretty physically tired.
Can't wait until Spring when we can just be out in the garden.
Good luck. Enjoy your toddler now before the terrible two's hit!

21 months between my two and as,adults they are so close. The older one was not old enough to be really jealous of the baby. Transport was solved by a great double buggy. It was hard work but they grew up together and were great company for each other.

^ That. Word for word. My two are now 23 and 24 and are really good mates, my son is also really close to his sister's long term boyfriend and the two of them often go out together and talk about cars at great lengths. As younger kids they sometimes hated each other but woe betided the fool that tried to get between them, they could beat seven bells out of each other but if anyone so much as looked at their sibling the wrong way there would be hell to pay.

Get a really good double buggy the absolute best one you can . Keep the older one napping even if they stay up a bit later ar night. Better to cope with that and have the afternoon break.

My main mistake was letting 2 year old stop napping ....he was grumpy and the day was horribly long.

Never try to go out with single buggy and baby in sling or toddler walking and baby in buggy..horrendous memories of that mistake....baby crying and toddler crying and no spare hands...

It's fine. I am 18 month in and they both sleep at night and olay together in the day. It's actually easier than having only one child as they entertain each other.

Oh...and my second was a much better sleeper than my first. I think because I just used to out her down and ignore her at nap time !

Water - it's just person dependent. We have 15 month gap and a double would have been pointless for us. Just didn't need it. By the time eldest was two we were back to pram free with baby just in sling and elder walking. I hate prams though as a pain on tubes and busy buses

That's so sweet miaow

I found the first year hard but it really was worth it for how rewarding it is at 20 months and 3 and a half. It's still hard work but now the relationship between them is fantastic to watch (when they're not trying to take each others toys). I feel like I've git a team rather than 2 separate people, even though their personalities are very different. They get so excited around each other- I see a side to our eldest I just wouldn't know about if she didn't have a sibling. I'd have an even smaller age gap if I could!

OP, I started an almost identical thread about a year ago! I kept it bookmarked and re-read it when I started feeling a bit scared! I have 21 months between DS and DD (who is only 6 months). As several others have said, it's hard going to begin with but is just starting to level out.

Yesterday I went to the farm with them both on my own, DD in a sling, DS walking. DS needed a nappy change so I had to tempt him off the trampoline, hoist him up in the nappy changing bit and proceed to change a really pooey nappy - all the while with DD strapped to me! I never in a million years could have seen me doing that without stressing - I was quite proud of myself! You do just get used to it. I remember reading up on ways to bath them both together when I was pregnant, getting myself in a tizz about it....now it's just part of our normal routine. And they are making each other laugh now which is quite possibly the best thing in the world.

13 months between my two - I would recommend it to anyone as being easier than juggling a toddler and tiny thing!

It was hard for the first 6 months but then got loads better - they are now 4.7 and 3.6 and thick as thieves

And they are making each other laugh now which is quite possibly the best thing in the world.

YY to this twerking! I love looking at them and thinking 'Aww, I made that happen!'

Ahhh LaContessa it's so wonderful isn't it?!

My SIL had her second when her DC1 was 20 months. Unlike me, who had nearly 4 years between mine, she got her DC2 to fit nicely into DC1's routine. I stayed with her for 3 weeks when her youngest was 4 months old and was hugely impressed at how organised, happy and calm everything was.

Hope it is the same for you OP. Congratulations BTW

23 month gap here (age 9 and 11 now) and I think it's the perfect gap. Really, no downsides at all so far. Although I'm not looking forward to potential A levels and GCSEs in the same year.

15 months apart and second a 26wk prem. I'm quite laid back anyway so just got on with it. The key is to get out most days even if it's a trip to the local shop.

You'll feel tired for the next 5 years so stock upon vitamins

I have a just 3 year old a 1 year old and a newborn

There is 13 months between the first two and a 21 month gap between the second 2.

I find it fine. I agree that people love to scaremonger and they are usually people who have no experience of these types of gaps

My top tips are a good pram. I have a bugaboo dinkey which is great. I have it in double a buggy board with seat attachment for DS, the oldest.

I have a cleaner as I need to have a tidy and clean house or I get really depressed. Teach the older one to help tidy up once you e finished with toys etc

Internet shopping is great!

My older 2 are very close and my middle DC is missing the older one dearly at the moment as he's just started going to nursery 5 afternoons a week.