It is absolutely nothing to do with me but the way dn is being fed is stressing me out

[Everyoneafter3]

Disclaimer: this has bugger all to do with me.

We've just had dn (2.3) round with SIL and MIL. We'd done a buffet of child-friendly cuisine including grated cheese/tuna/Ham sandwiches, veg sticks, sausage rolls, quiche, houmous, pasta in a homemade tomato sauce, grapes cut lengthways. We'd added some more 'grown up' stuff like Indian snacky things and there were crisps too.

Dn has no allergies. MIL arrived with a toddler meal "in case".

Dn ate nothing. Later when she was fractious she was provided with (my dds') chocolate coins. Ate those fine. And of course my dds then wanted chocolate.

This is all the time. She doesn't eat but then gets chocolate later. As far as I know she exists on Weetabix and chocolate. I know dc can be very picky at this age but clearly she won't eat if she knows she'll get chocolate later.

It's very difficult when we're together though as my dds will also want chocolate later and we will say no if they've already eaten

Help me bite my tongue!!!!

www.scarymommy.com/10-habits-parents-need-to-break/

I really do understand where you are coming from but I think parents are way too quick to judge other parents. #1 of the article above gives food for thought.

My DD wouldn't have eaten any of your food at that age I'm afraid, my DS would have gobbled it all up. Her fussiness was a nightmare. Chocolate as a meal substitute isn't great (my meal substitute was yoghurt which isn't great either but not quite as bad!) but it did make me fret when she wouldn't eat anything so I can understand why they gave it. Pulling out a bit of cucumber and replacing it with cake is a bit strange though.

I take exception to being called "vulgar". And I would never, ever say any of this to SIL, although dh has gently suggested that it might be better not to offer chocolate instead of food. MIL's food thing is why she never looked after either of our dc before school and why she seldom babysits.

And we do lead by example. Always.

I feel judgmental because I've been seriously judged myself, and to my face. Almost everything we've done has been questioned and criticised.

To be called vulgar is a total overreaction. Every parent judges at least silently, I for one would certainly be judging this in my mind as it happens. My house is a "If you don't eat it then there's no pudding/no sweets" rule and it works if you don't give in (obviously there a children with serious fussy/food issues that don't apply to the above tactics).

My DD went through a yoghurt only stage too when she refused all other food for a little while and I also just gave her it so she'd had "something"... But if it was chocolate then I wouldn't have even had any in the house at all. She's 3 and her favourite food is spinach lol (and chocolate!)

Your MIL sounds barmy!

I didn't call you vulgar Everyoneafter3, just to clarify. I said your judgmental behaviour was becoming vulgar.

It's fine to be judgemental, we all do it. It's also fine to voice those judgy-pants thoughts in a place like mumsnet. It's fine to rant/rage/whinge if you so wish, its what MN is good for.

While your OP and first reply were judgy, it's no big deal because everyone silently judges, especially parents about other parents.

By your fourth reply you were labouring the point and that's when, as I said, "it's becoming a bit vulgar now". There's a point when being judgemental is taken too far and it becomes quite unpleasant.

Your judgement is obviously coming from a defensive place tho, you feel criticised by them when they so obviously have unhealthy ideas about the exact subject they criticise you on. I can relate.

We do occasionally talk about people's school/Nursery lunch boxes. The kids will say something unbelieving like 'Sarah had a chocolate bar, a frube and salt and vinegar crisps for lunch today!!' My kids are quietly judgemental about what their classmates eat. They eat a healthy variety of foods themselves and cook weekly.

As long as you persevere OP with what you feed your little one, she will eventually understand why you give her normal healthy meals and will be able to rationalise things.

Be honest with your DD. If she asks to skip her meal for chocolate, tell her that the meal has lots of vitamins in it but chocolate is just surgery rubbish. Her body needs vitamins in food.