help! how do I start talking to my 4 yo in my mother tongue again?

[MayaFreya]

I messed up with my four year old dd's language development! I'm Croatian, living in the UK and DH is English. I started off speaking Croatian to DD until her 2nd birthday and her first words were in Croatian. But, she then started going to a nursery and switched to speaking English to me. For a while I managedto stick to Croatian even though she replied in English. But then slowly I got tired of having those strange conversations in two languages and began to reply in English to her. I also felt very self conscious in public about speaking to DD in a foreign language. I suppose my concern was that she would feel different and embarassed by the whole situation. Well, big mistake! i REALLY REGRET it now and want to switch back to croatian. DD understands most of it because of Grandparents but doesnt really speak it. So how do I suddenly change this? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I have a baby now and speak only Croatian to her, so it helps with dd1. I just hate the sound of my own voice when I hear myself speak to dd1 in English! Her English is better than mine anyway and sometimes she doesn't understand me. Do you think I should wait until the summer when we will spend a month in Croatia to start the change? Seems a long wait. Or perhaps wait until my mum comes to visit in Feb? thanks in advance!!!

Hi :

I understand you as I am in the same situation.
My native language is spanish and married an english guy. We lived in my country for 4 years and whe we moved to England and my son couldn't speak any english at all because he just spoke spanish and my husband just spoke very little to him because he was at work and I was with my boy most of the time, and also my family was close so there was no much practice for him, anyway already in England I had trouble with him because he didn't want to go school for the language and couln't make any friends but after 2 months he picked the language and was the happiest boy in town. I remained speaking in spanish to him. After 1 year in England my mum wanted to talk with him but he couldn't speak any spanish at all, then I realised that he's forgotten our language but he understands but can't talk, and because now I've adapted to the english life, speaking english with everyone I started to talk in english to him. My youngest boy who is just 2 years has jsut started to say a few words but %95 in english because he goes to Nursery and his big brother talks to him in english, but now I have decided to speak in my own language to them, my eldest agreed and is happy about as he's understood that having another language makes him special and clever among his friends and he's trying, my little boy understands when I say something to him in spanish.
So MayaFreya I would advice you to talk with your little one in your language always, do not wait till the summer and if they answer you back in english is fine as long as they understand is a big thing isn't?
And about that you have concern's if you DD will be embarrassed when you talk to her in your languge is true I had that trouble with my son, what I did and still doing it is talk in english with him when we are out and full spanish at home.

Just keep on speking croatian to them, and also we feel more confortable speaking our own language don't we?

Best of luck.

Hi Rosalin, thank you so much for your encouragment. Just to clarify a couple of points from your post:

• how did you announce to your ds1 that you would speak spanish to him? and did you swich to spanish completely from that moment on?
• I can see that you speak english to him in public. I would be more comfortable doing that but then the lingusts seem to be saying that we should always be speaking in our native tongue when addressing our children? Otherwise we give them a message that our language is perhaps something to be embarassed about. I like the was

y your son accepts his billingualism as being clever, that's what I would want to instill in my kids. ~I just need a bit more confidence to do it.

Hi :

I know other mums with older children and they told me that they were embarrased whenm mami talked to them in spanish.

When My son and I were chatting with english people and said something in spanish to him he used to pushed me away and say it's time to go.

Every child is differente some may or may not have this problem.

My friend has children aged 14, 11 and 6; while growing her DD felt embarrased and she never talked in spanish to her mum and when she was about 11 they went to Spain for a wedding and all her cousins where there having fun and laughing she could understand but couln't say to much, then she had a chat with her mum a told her that she wanted to help her to practice her spanish and so they did, now she has no problem speaking in spanish, it was easy to learn it for her.

My son doesn't feel embarrased now, he is 8. But with the experience I had with him I'll do the same with my little boy.

Just enjoy your children Maya, do whatever you feel is the best for your children.
You are not alone many mums from other countries living in England have the same problem.
Take care.

Why not just tell your dd that you'll be spending the summer in Croatia and that she'll have so much more fun making friends/playing with her cousins etc if she can speak Croatian, so you're going to start practicing with her. And of course also praising her existing understanding. Remember, she doesn't actually need to reply to you in C, if she understands perfectly then she will start speaking C when she is surrounded by people who speak nothing else. It should just be fun and easy, nothing formal.

Can you get hold of DVDs/CDs/videos in Croatian? Ask your mum to bring over a batch! And don't assume that your dd has any sort of discomfort over this. I also grew up bilingual, and never had any of the discomfort that other posters have experienced.