routine dilemma

[squishy]

I've been feeding my 6 week old DD on demand (bottle) and my DH has been sharing this and letting me get sleep by staying up until 4am ish (he's a bit of a night owl anyway, normally comes to bed about 2), feeding her and bringing her up in her moses basket and putting her next to me, so I can do other feeds and get up with her in the morning etc. She was a small baby, so we've thought it best to let her sleep as and when she wants, too.

I've started to feel that it's time to think about getting her into a slight routine (she rarely sleeps for 3 hours at night and that's an absolute maximum) but my DH disagrees. He's also of the opinion that we should let "sleeping babies lie" - ie if she's asleep in the day for several hours, then let her. At first, I agreed, but now I'm not so sure.

He says he'll happily start putting her down for more 'structured' sleep (rather than having her in the living room, albeit with dimmed lights) but the choices we have are: she goes into her cot bed in her room or she stays in her Moses basket in our room. My dilemma is that I don't want her to go into her room yet on her own (I have strong beliefs about the first 3 months being vital in a child's development of self and development of secure attachments) but that I don't want to miss out on the 20 minutes I have of reading in bed or watching TV before I go to sleep.

It feels like I'm not in much of a win-win situation and while I'm getting sleep now, because DH stays up, it seems silly to rock the boat (it isn't broke at the moment, why should I try and fix it?!) but I don't want to create a routine nightmare for later on and particularly when I go back to work in 6 or 7 weeks.

Any advice or words of wisdom, please?

with dd1 i didnt bother with a routine she was left entirely to her own devices she slept thorugh when i put her in her own room (though i didnt have a baby monitor back then so could only hear her if she was really crying so i didnt go in for every little murmur) in the end i put her in a routine at 2 and a half, until then she slept when she wanted, in my bed as well. everything they tell you not to do i did.

second time round and more experience i decided that from 2 weeks my dd2 would have a routine, now she is 14mths and she has pretty much always slept more at night and now her routine is practically set in stone i could time my watch by her.

i kno when she crys what it is she wants and can get it ready so she is only crying for a few mins.

i am childminder and have just taken on a baby who is 11mths and she had no routine and slept for 10mins here and there. i started my routine with her and since day one she sleeps when my dd2 sleeps, eats when she eats etc, it has worked out perfectly.

You can still be flexible - the routine that works for you now, mayb e quite different to that which works for you in a month's time. Although I put my children to bed in a dark room, I didn't bother getting them into very structured routines until they were about 3-4m old. I did things in the same order and made night-times boring, but appart from that things were fairly free-flowing.

There's no reason why you can't read in bed or watch TV if she's asleep in her basket next to you - our first two slept on the sofa between us until we all went to bed at 10/11o'clock ish for their first 3-4m. No3 sleeps in teh carrycot in the hall, and during the day has his older brother and sister haring past him, playing football or RC cars etc, and sleeps through most of it. In any case, if it's structured sleep you're after, why not implement routine with her in the basket but have the basket wherever is convenient?

I don't remember ever having a problem reading in bed with a sleeping baby in the room? You might want to use a lower wattage bulb than you may have had in the past, but a reading lamp shouldn't be too disturbing.

I have to say that I alwasy tedned to have a fairly strict "rule" atnight that te babies wentup stairs by a certain time, and then stayed upstairs until morning. It has worked for us, but you need to find something that is comfortable for you.

You're right! I'll move the light to DH's side of the bed and read there! Doh! If she can sleep in the living room with light and TV for hours, she can manage with me for a bit!

Small issue now is that she's just gone back, in the last 24 hours, to taking very small feeds (which means quite often) whereas she was taking decent sized ones every few hours before......if it's not one thing, it's another! Hope she passes through this phase quickly!

She may be having a growth spurt. Feed her when she wants, It'll prob last a couple of days though. Re: routine. My ds is 14 weeks old and I have fretted and worried about routines since his arrival! Should I/shouldn't I etc etc. Now he is in a predictable routine some of which was engineered by me (nighttimes are a MUST) and some of which is dictated by his needs. It has all worked out OK but I still fret! It never ends whatever age they are!! . At bedtime - he is still in our room - if he is taking time to settle I put TV on barely audible and bf him to sleep (I know, I know rod for my own back etc etc.....) Also, my ds still feeds roughly every 2.5 - 3 hours. hth

Thanks for the advice. Think she may be in growth spurt, am trying to make her "wait" 15 mins or so more for a feed by distraction (amazing the affect a nappy change or bath can have!) so she takes more - sometimes this is successful. Last night, got her to take a big feed at about 11 and then put her in her Moses basket (awake - aren't I doing well!!) and she slept until 4.40 this morning! I know it won't be easy and she won't always do this, but my confidence is much better now!!