Newborn & Toddler - very tired please help!

[Sangey]

I have a gorgeous new baby boy who is just over 1 week old and a gorgeous little girl who is 2.5yrs. My dh is back at work and I am feeling knackered (no help with night feeds as dh is working) and a bit sad. My dd is good but is adjusting to new baby so she can develop a nasty stroppy side and is quite clingy, my sister has the week off and is helping me, but I don't feel quite right. My baby blues I think I've had them and they are now gone, I just hope I don't develop post-natal depression. DS is still feeding with no routine - I know it is too early to estalish any routine, does anyone know when the routine kicks in? I can't remember. I am new to mumsnet and would really appreciate any advice or just a few pick me up messages to get me through the next few weeks.
Thanks x

hi sangey and congratulations on you new baby

no words of wisdom from me i'm afraid - i'm pg with my second - he'll be 2 and a bit when the new one arrives. i'm a little nervous about how i'll manage too

at a week old i think i was just going with the flow (so to speak) feeding-wise. don't think we settled into a routine as such for several weeks

good luck x

oh god this is going to me come February!
So, no useful advice but you know, sympathies!
I'm trying to remember when DD started feeding to more of a routine (such as it was), don't think it was for a few weeks yet though (she was a colicky nightmare though, am hoping this one will be better).
I think the main things are - make sure you're eating properly and getting loads of fluids - sis and DH can help with this. Give DD as much attention as you can - remember you know now that you CAN leave a little baby to grizzle for a bit - he will be absolutely fine. Try to think of things that you can do with DD whilst feeding DS - books, singing etc. Does she have a doll/cuddly toy that you could get her to feed/bath etc whilst you do the baby?

Anyhow, that's some of the advice I've been given. Am sure someone who has actually DONE this will be along in a little while to help you out. Meanwhile, welcome to mumsnet.

hello. I ahd my dd when ds was 19 months old.
It was very hard for about 2 months, but then things just 'clicked', through no action on my part, just everyone getting used to having a new person around.
My biggest tip is to get anyone who can help (friends, family, neighbour) with the oldest as they cannot really help with teh new baby. Ask them to take out the eldest for walks, playgroups, anything to get her out/ exercised/ interacting. My friends woudl group togather and take my ds along with them when they went to a playgroup so there was strength in numbers. That way I could at least nap for 20 minutes or so and have some new baby time.

If you can afford it, also ask friends nannies/ au pairs/ whatever if they can 'have' your dd while their charges are at school. You will have to pay them but not much as they will have 'down' time then. Again, it's only an hour or two but will make a huge difference especially if you can do it a few times a week. I was lucky enough to have this kind of 'mother's help' for 2 weeks and it transformed my life

Students are also a great source of reliable, mature play time with your dd. Even if it is still within the house. Maybe your neighbours kids are due back from college/ uni break for christmas and are keen to earn a couple of pounds?

above all, I promise it does get a LOT easier. and it's perfect timing as you'll have help around at christmas. just make sure you use teh time to slepp.

oh, and most of all, if you can - express milk so you can sleep while dh feeds baby, preferably a night feed.

Message withdrawn

i have 2 yrs between dd and ds (ds is 6 weeks old) and im finding it very trying, dd is so much hard work atm.

iv just been diagnosed with post-natal depression (although this is not in any way saying you have it) and will be getting some therapy and help. hv has refered me to homestart who can send someone once a week for up to a year to help with looking after the kids! maybe contact your hv about homestart to get some help even if its just one morning a week, might take the pressure off!!

hi Sangey,

I have a 14 week old and 2.7 year old, so pretty much same gap. Does your DD still sleep in the day? I tried to get mine to coincide at first (DS1 has dropped it now though ).

For the first few weeks, I woke DS2 every 3 hours to feed him during the day, and he'd pretty much sleep all the rest of the time. Then he started to get more alert and be able to stay awake a bit from about 6 weeks or so. But he was never awake more than 1 1/2 - 2 hours. Gradually a sort of routine kicked in.

Definitely try to get DH involved. Go to bed as early as you can and get DH to give your baby a bottle of EBM if you're bf, or formula if you're not before he goes to bed. I started DS2 with EBM in a bottle when he was about 2 weeks old. I'd go to bed in our room about 9 after expressing and DH would feed DS2, go to bed in his room, and then come and get me when he woke for a feed in the night. Then we'd swap over.

Good luck. Suddenly when DS2 reached 12 weeks it all seemed much easier. You'll get there.

I've been there too, although it's a few years ago now. Newborn + toddler is definitely the hardest bit. I expected dh to see to toddler if she woke in the night, but not newborn as my top priority was to establish bf. Newborns do sleep a lot, so it's a good idea to rest when they do. Also I accepted any help that was offered - with the housework, or playdates for toddler. Any visitors should be expected to pitch in, not create more work.

Have lovely memory of reading to dd1 while bf dd2. When dd2 came off boob, dd1 said "other side now." Enjoy this time; it's full on now but never comes again.

don't worry sangey. It is early days. You are adjusting right now and you will be tired, but it definitely gets easier after a few weeks. Some sort of routine will emerge .. it's just hard to see it right now!
I had my dd2 when dd1 was starting year 1, so i had bigger gap and dd1 was able to understand and help me out as she wanted to.
It wasn't easier though, as had to get her off to school, picked up and her dance classes, parties etc .. regardless of how tired i was at the beginning.

This is going a long way back for me (DD1 now nearly 12, DD2 9, DS 7) but I agree with Pitchounette - get DH to do the evening shift! I used to thrust DD's into DH's arms when he came in through the door at 7pm and make our dinner while he bathed, read stories and put older DD to bed. Younger DD was either with her daddy and older sister or asleep in moses basket. I know going out to work's tiring, but it's nothing compared to the tiredness of looking after a new baby all day. I advise all my new mum friends to take to thier beds for a "sickie" day (migraine/upset tummy/post partum pains/anything) on a Saturday leaving sole responsiblity of looking after DC's to DP's - obviously you can be available to feed baby etc, but let them look after the kids for the rest of the time. Soon makes them realise that looking after children all day is knackering!!

Also, I tried to slot DD2 into DD1's routine rather than the other way round. DD1's routine was well established and I think the arrival of new baby is a big enough shock to deal with without having life revolving round the new arrival (though we know it does !!). When DD2 was asleep I'd play with DD1, when feeding DD2 would read to DD1, when DD1 had her nap I lay down with DD2 even if she wasn't asleep, etc. I remember spending a lot of time on the sofa holding baby and reading to DD1 or encouraging her while she played with her toys. Forget the housework (you'll only have to do it again in a couple of days) and rest as much as possible.

It does get easier - just bloody hard going through it while it does!

hi sangey
congratulations on your new baby
i have got 23months between dd and ds2 - i remember it being such hard work (esp as on my own) and dd seemed to be being naughty whenever i was feeding -0 i think she was just bored but i couldnt get to her to sort her out! after a few days we started reading together at feed times and she settled with this really well
i tried to be superwoman and do everthing myself and at 2 weeks almost collapsed with overdoing things so i highly recommed accepting/asking for all the help you can
the first4-6 weeks were definitely the hardest, but now ds2 is 7 months its a doddle {not!}

Sangey... >

I am in the same situation, i have a dd (3 yo in Jan) and a 19 week old ds.

It does get better honest it does, but like everything you get your good days and bad days, I didn't feel down at all after having my dd but have felt incredibly low this time around and very much stuck in a rut but it gets better with every day.

Try and get yourself into a routine, i know it is difficult my ds is a very hungry baby and looks for feeds every 2-3 hrs. I keep telling myself to enjoy it as i know ds is my last but it is very hard but i know when they are older i will look back and think why didn't i enjoy it more when they were small.

XxX

when i was having a hard day or they were both crying "double attack" i call it, the best thing i found was to get out of the house, no matter how tired you are.
wrap up, get them in the buggy, get out in the fresh air and suddenly everything seems ok. it worked for me.

Thank you so much everyone for your advice and thanks for just letting me know I'm not the only one! It really means so much knowing there are other mums out there coping, I know I can too. Unfortunatley my dh is training in the police force so has to study in the evenings, he has been brilliant though and cooks tea for us and even did the 2am feed this morning, although I did have to finish it off as he was nodding off! My dd1 has dropped her lunch time nap, and is very adamant that she doesnt want one, she is very strong willed. She does got to a nursery 2 afternoons a week which is great, but I have already noted a bit of jealousy between her and ds2. My sister is not around this coming week and I am starting to dread the thought of dealing with them on my own. I know in time it all passes and I have to be patient, I think that is (and always is!) my problem I am very impatient and want things to change now!
Thanks again everyone - you are complete stars for giving up the time to advise me. God bless
xx

I would definitely agree with twickersmum. I have a two year old ds and a two month old dd and the thought of a day at home with both of them is sheer horror. get everyone some good waterproofs and get to the park whenever possible, just to let the older one let off steam. Would love it if ds would sit still for long enough to read with me while I'm breastfeeding but he won't. lots of tantrums, It's a very very trying time and I have complete empathy with you.