Co-sleeping with a 3 year old

[motheroreily]

I'll try and keep my story brief but I really need some advice and don't know what to do. Friends keep telling me I need to get my dd to sleep in her own bed.

She has never been a good sleeper. Didn't sleep through the night until she was 2 and never seemed to need as much sleep as other babies. When she moved into her toddler bed she would just get out if she woke up and move into our bed.

She now will only sleep in my bed. This didn't happen overnight. Last year my dm was diagnosed with a brain tumour I used to go every other week to help care for her. She stopped being able to walk and was basically bedridden. I'd take my daughter with me and she would have to sleep in bed with me because there weren't enough beds. So it sort of became a habit. After my dm died and we were at home every night She started sleep in her own bed again and then I separated from my husband. I moved in with a family member for a couple of months and again my daughter slept in my bed.

Now we have our own place and she has her own room but I can't even get her to settle in her bed. Most nights I get in from work at about 7 and I just want to settle her quickly. I do admit I could persevere more and I could be stricter. But at the same time I wonder is that big of a deal? And if it is how do I break this habit?

I feel she's handled everything so well but I also know she must feel insecure. As she had to move house, leave her toys and cat and only sees her dad at the weekend.

Depends. I co sleep with my 3yo and my 7yo has a bed beside my bed. Neither of them want to go into their own rooms. I'm not bothered, DH isn't bothered, they're happy. They'll move out when they're teens I'm sure. My only stipulation is that it's their choice and that they have their own beds available. They do and they choose to be where they are so I don't worry about it. And your dd sounds like she needs you close. I wouldn't see it as a problem.

The key question is, is it a big deal to you?

If you're happy for her to sleep in your bed then there's no problem. I have a 4 year old. She sometimes sleeps in her own bed but most of the time she wants to sleep with me. I don't mind so I'm happy for it to continue.

If you and your DD are happy, ignore your friends. It sounds like you've both had a traumatic time recently - maybe she needs this at the moment.

Do what works for you as a family - don't worry about what other people do.

I'm sorry about our mother.

After my parents split up I slept in my dm's bed from 5 until 8 years old when she remarried. I think I needed the comfort after some traumatic stuff. If you both sleep well sharing a bed then I don't think it matters at all and ignore what everyone else says. I'm sorry you have had a rough time.

If you want to change it I think starting with a little bed for her in your room would be good. Then you can do a reward chart etc and transition into her own room. But if it isn't a problem at the moment wait and see if she goes of her own accord, no point creating a problem if you're not bothered.

If you are both happy that way, it isn't a problem. It's only a problem if it's driving you potty and you want to change things.

I would hate it and would have to change it but how I feel and how any of your friends feel is, and should be irrelevant to you and your family.

Carry on raising your DD in a way that keeps you both happy and healthy & stuff everything else. Sounds like you've had a bloody awful time and are doing very well powering on through.

You can either keep your dd in bed with you, which is fine or you can put her toddler bed in your room right by your bed.

Don't listen to people who tell you your dd needs to go in her own room, listen to your own child. She's barely more than a baby.

You've both had a lot to deal with, does her sleeping in your bed have a negative effect on either of you? Other than friends giving helpful advice. If not then don't stress about it, she'll do it in her own time.

Sounds like your DD needs to be with you, my children always seemed to be keen to co sleep when I have had to work long hours. The opportunity to co sleep when needed makes kids feel more secure and likely to be independent not less so.

Thank you for your replies. It doesn't bother me other than I keep thinking she is too old now. The only down side (which is my fault) is that I often just stay in bed after she's asleep instead of doing something useful. But I could stop doing this.

I might move her bed into my room though so if she decides to sleep in it she can and it won't be as big a change to being alone in her own room.

We co-sleep with our three year old, and are only just getting around to the point of thinking it would be good for that to change soon - we quite like it, and we all definitely sleep more than we would otherwise, but are thinking of it as a finite thing. He does actually have his own bed in our room, but usually comes in during the night without really waking us or himself, so I think that's a good, gradual way to start, if you decide to.

It sounds to me as if you've both had a fairly traumatic recent past, and that co-sleeping, rather than a bad habit, was in fact an excellent bit of parenting, to provide your dd with reassurance at a time when she must be feeling very rattled. (My thee year old is a bit unsettled at the moment because we're renovating our house, and he doesn't like coming home to find the walls are different colours, or there's a new work surface!) I wouldn't take an iota of notice of what anyone else says.

Is it long since you got your own place? If she's slept in a number of different places over the last while and you're relatively newly in your new place, it may make sense to let her get a bit more settled before making any changes to sleeping arrangements.

Sorry to hear about your mother. Best wishes.