Help, I'm addicted to my phone, and not paying my toddler enough attention :( What am I supposed to do all day?!

[PurpleTreeFrog]

I am feeling like a terrible mum recently.

I have an active 18 month old who always wants to play. He is fairly good playing by himself but eventually he does need my attention (e.g. to read him a story or to help him with a task he's become frustrated with) and also loves being outdoors.

I don't have a car on my days off as DH uses it for work. The bus service here is crap, by the time I'd get anywhere it would be naptime already. The only thing to do in walking distance is the rubbish muddy boggy playpark on the estate. I do take DS there but it doesn't kill much time. Now its winter we don't even go out much at weekends either.

So we are effectively stuck at home with me wishing his lovely toddler years away because it's so boring for both of us. I've tried getting him to do "arty" stuff with crayons and glue and paper but at his age it doesn't amuse for long. So I often end up sticking Peppa Pig or whatever on TV, he sits and watches nicely, and I end up pretty much ignoring him while I'm on my phone - I do everything from Mumsnet, online shopping, reading news, chatting with friends, watching YouTube videos etc.

It has literally got to the point where he will sometimes come up to me, take my phone out of my hands, physically chuck it to one side and sit on my lap to demand attention.

I'm worried he'll end up behaving badly or tantrumming to gain my attention, and that he'll end up addicted to "screens" too as that's the example I'm setting.

But it's so bloody boring sitting there all day trying to keep him amused, when they have such short attention spans, and the things he does pay attention to are so boring and repetitive, like posting things into a shape sorter or stacking cups. I love seeing him play nicely but after a while my mind needs more stimulation than watching a toddler put things into a container...

What so SAHMs of toddlers do all day, on days when you're stuck indoors? How do you get jobs done without ignoring your DC for hours? How do you stave off boredom? Should I just be doing more housework or useful tasks, with DS following around and 'helping'?

Does anyone have any advice? Anyone else have this problem or am I just shit? I know I need to put the bloody phone down and engage with my son but it's easier said than done.

Other ideas for when you really are cooped-up at home:

-audiobooks / story tapes (CDs?!) / kids' radio / podcasts of fun stories, ideally stuff that you will also enjoy listening to. If this is going on in the background he may spend longer drawing / cutting / playing with cars than he would do otherwise.

• sticker books

• do you have a patio or other outdoor space where he could draw on the ground or fence with chalks? On dry days, bundle him up as much as possible, give him a little chair or a cushion you don't mind getting dirty to keep him from sitting on the cold ground, and let him at it.

• exercise DVDs! Some adults' ones have exercises that it's also fine for kids to try; otherwise, get one especially targeted at kids. You both get some exercise!

• a daytime play bath: lots of bubbles, lots of toys (old plastic bottles, butter tubs etc. are fine), maybe some coloured bath crayons.

• family crafting time. Do you yoirself like drawing / painting / crochet / rag rugs / making greetings cards / whatever? He might stick longer at his craft activities if you're doing yours at the same time (again, with radio or stories or music on at the same time).

• make a den together from cushions, chairs, blankets etc. Once it's made he may well spend hours in it, pottering in and out of it, chuntering around with cars or teddies and not letting you in!

• you're on exactly the right lines with spinning out everyday chores / tasks that need to be done anyway and letting him "help". Is he tall enough to reach into the sink if you stand him on a chair? If so, fill it with warm bubbly water and give him a sponge. He can safely "wash up" plastic utensils, cups, bowls, plus any metal cutlery except sharp knives.

Wow lea could you be any more patronising?.....

Lock the phone in a cupboard during the day.

Treasure basket (otherwise known as a wnaky basket) - he's still young enough for one. Collection of interesting objects in a basket - pine cone from the woods, wooden spoon, bits of cloth with different colours/patterns/textures, homemade maracas, etc.

Music. Listening, singing, dancing. There's a lovely CD set called '100 Hits - Children's Favourites' with all the old songs on - the ones our parents and grandparents grew up knowing - fun for you and him. We also have Reggae for Kids, which is fun. And making a racket music with simple instruments.

Hang naptime and get out on the bus. He can sleep in the buggy. Library, non-local playground, cafe for a treat after. If you're rural, walk to a farm where you can buy eggs/see some animals.

Rain clothes and puddle-jumping. When ds1 was this age we used to just walk around the local streets and spot things.

Bowl full of water, towels on the kitchen floor, plastic bowls etc to 'wash up'. One of the best value-for-money buys I ever made for my children, if not the best, was a 2 euro bag of plastic play crockery and cooking things, and a similarly-priced plastic tea set. They are 10 and 8 and still use them in the bath, and now we have a baby who will play with them all over again :)

Lea may not have said it in a frilly way, but it is true that young children need to be spoken to.

It's also true that the days with a toddler are long. And tiring.

And it's true that phones are addictive. They stimulate a part of the brain connected with reward or something.

OP, definitely try the meet a mum board on netmums. I met some wonderful women who saved my sanity (really) and gave my DC friends. Just lovely. It was then no effort as often there would be an activity planned or someone to visit.

Thanks.

Yes, I do chat to him quite a bit and his understanding is great, not so good actually pronouncing words yet though! All the 'words' he can say are variations of things like "ga-ga" (means cracker, glasses, garden, goose club) "ma-ma" (means mummy, marmite, milk), and so on. TBH I probably could spend more time chatting/interacting with him.

I love all these activity ideas and the Reggae for Kids suggestion, will definitely look that one up!

We are going on holiday soon but in the new year I will get back in touch with one of my neighbours round the corner whose baby was born within days of mine. I cant believe I never thought of it. We've only met up once but now the babies have become toddlers there's more they can do together so I should really invite them over.

I often wonder if my first born sons speech delay was a result of me not talking to him enough, with my second son we talked and interacted so much more and his speech is great. I understand the addiction to internet/TV etc, it's easily done!

Yeah, and its too easy to get sucked in to lots of little online activities on smartphones. The odd thing is I was never this bad before having DS, even in my spare time. I think its a habit I developed from when he was breastfeeding for hours or sitting there alone in the night - I'd read on my phone to stay awake or stave off boredom. And it just sort of continued and got worse. I think it's also the fact that you can read little snippets and make short comments etc, which fits in perfectly around the constant interruptions of having a baby toddler. Whereas traditional entertainment like reading books or TV shows require more uninterrupted concentration to enjoy.

I've known for a while I need to be more "present" for so many reasons, but I felt a bit stuck in a rut. I'm glad I started this thread as I did need to hear these suggestions. I have already started doing some of these lovely ideas. He's napping now so it's tea and internet time for me!

You really just need to go out its absolutely no wonder you are bored.

Why does he have to be home for nap.time? Just head out and have fun and get a change of scene...do whatever..have lunch out then he can fall asleep on the way back

At the moment you and him are sacrificing your entire time together to nap time

Go for a penny hike - flip a coin, heads turn left, tails turn right, if you drop it go straight ahead. Carpet picnics always great fun on a rainy day, get the rug, hamper, plastic plates and picnic food out in the living room.

I don't drive, if we go into town on the bus (45mins) have a picnic/cafe lunch, then get bus home I often find they conveniently go to sleep in the buggy on the way home.

I got sucked into too much tv when my eldest was small and came up with a rule that I wouldn't turn it on until 3pm each day to try and reset the balance. Took a while to get used to but we got there.

Think I might end up doing the same with my phone atm.

Me too op.

There are some great suggestions here and we do actually seem to fit them all in... But if we aren't out and about I'm usually on my phone. I find it really hard to go anywhere if there isn't a group to go to or friends to meet and I really struggle to motivate myself to do the housework. I am so addicted it's making me lose sleep and I'm sure it will have an impact on dd but I just can't stop. It doesn't help that I thought I'd be the kind of mum who'd do loads of fun activities every day and I'm pretty much the opposite at home. Dd just potters about with her toys and asks to watch telly or for milk when she's bored. Sorry I don't have much advice but I wanted you to know that you aren't alone.

Not many suggestions but I feel your pain. I have a 16 month old and I'm back to work now 4 days so to be honest I enjoy spending the time I have with him but I would be you if I was at home all day. I found mat leave fairly tedious at times and yes, I'd get out and do baby groups etc but during certain difficult phases I found it easiest to be at home where I'd spend hours online feeling bored and guilty for not being that gushing mum on FB. I feel guilty now when I'm not 'crafting' or thinking up stimulating things for him to do but it's just not me, I'm not creative. He's got very good at watching me and 'helping' me at home though. We're getting him a play kitchen for Xmas which I think he will love!

Does your village/area have afacebook group? If so post asking for a lift into town, we have this in our village and its really popular

Nobody in their right mind (or nobody I've ever met anyway or would possibly even like to meet) would think it was fabulous spending all day on the floor playing with a toddler from dawn till dusk with no time for any adult moments....

What I would do when mine were at home with me, was set aside actual slots of proper, uninterrupted playtime.

For example, every morning from 10am till 11am ( or one hour whenever you have the time) then perhaps another hour in the afternoon - or even half an hour.

Then, I would take a deep breath, focus on nothing else and just go for it (good exercise too!):

• hide and seek
• monsters (chasing and roaring)
• beach party (where I'd put the Beach Boys on youtube, dress them up in their swimming shorts and pretend to be at a beach party with drinks and snacks and dancing)
• role play with toys (eg dinosaurs versus cuddly toys)
• doctor
• builder
• music band (with kitchen utensils, broom as a guitar etc)
• Balloon fights (blow up a stack of balloons and just bop them around the room)
• forts (with sitting room cushions etc)
• cushion fight etc etc

Put a timer on, and once the time is up, you can then feel not remotely guilty about letting him potter around on his own for a while - watching tv, lego, reading books or whatever.

And as far as I'm concerned, if you want to then text/read articles/face stalk WHATEVER, go for it. It's not a crime! It's essential! You're an adult who's allowed to do adult things. And currently, that includes screen related activity - this is modern life! And I'm pretty pleased about it!

Parenting needs to be enjoyable. If you feel you have to spend every waking minute staring at them and playing with them and focusing entirely on them, you're making it rubbish for you - and not normal for them!

And if you've done the full on hour in the morning - then yes a trip somewhere in the afternoon (possibly with a picnic so you don't have to rush home for supper) would be ideal. But if it's raining/miserable, yuck. I wouldn't. My children have always loved being at home.

Don't feel like a terrible mum OP - you absolutely ARE NOT. Look at you worrying about this. If you were terrible you wouldn't have given it a second thought.

This is the problem with modern parenting, that is making today's parents so much more miserable than those who came before. We put far too much pressure on ourselves to put children first all the time - constantly stimulate them, worry about them. It's not good. Our parents and their parents didn't do that? And parenting consequently was far less stressful for them. There's been some stuff written about it (check this out: nymag.com/news/features/67024/index2.html)

Anyway chin up, and don't worry. And agree about mum friends - v important!!