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Original poster

One year check - feeling demoralised

41 replies

Withgraceinmyheart · 09/12/2015 14:48

Hi everyone, I'm looking for a bit of reassurance as a ftm, unless im totally wrong in which case obviously let me know!

My dd is one tomorrow and we had her one year check today with the health visitor. She said she was bang on for development and had a lovely mother child bond, which was nice, but strongly criticised some of my (carefully considered) parenting choices:

  1. Dd has 2 naps a day. Hv said she 'really should' be on one nap by now. I've tried her on a one nap day and she isn't ready. I understood it was fairly common to be on two naps at this age, am I wrong?
  1. I'm still breastfeeding. Apparently I should stop, because dd won't eat enough food. I explained several times that she eats loads. she has 3 breast feeds a day.
  1. Dd doesn't sleep through the night yet, wakes once sometimes twice. Again I thought this was fairly common. She offered to refer me to a sleep expert, who would show me how to do control crying. I don't want to do control crying Sad

Basically, is it ok for me to ignore this health visitor and carry on as we are?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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BikeRunSki · 09/12/2015 16:22

Sleep, not wrap!

Jackiebrambles · 09/12/2015 16:31

Ignore her! Sounds like she doesn't know her arse from her elbow. At my son's 1 year check the hv started talking about potty training!!!

My son moved to 1 nap at 12-14 months, mainly because he started nursery and they only did one sleep a day. He was exhausted for a few weeks whilst he got used to it and on the days he was with me I gave him two sleeps. Eventually 1 nap was perfect.

Alfieisnoisy · 09/12/2015 16:40

I left health visiting because it was seemingly full of women like your HV.

Ignore her, carry on with what you are doing,

Your baby is doing everything she should be developmentally and unless you ask for advice in dropping breast feeds or naps she should not be giving it.

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LastOneDancing · 09/12/2015 16:48

Maybe she misheard and thought your child was 12 years and not 12 months?

multivac · 09/12/2015 16:58

Tell me, OP, do you have even the tiniest inclination to follow any of the HVs suggestions?

I'm guessing not.

CalpolOnToast · 09/12/2015 16:58

I don't understand what controlled crying has got to do with sleeping through the night anyway. It just can help you have a less stressful evening in some cases.

Fairylea · 09/12/2015 17:00

Completely ignore.

superbfairywren · 10/12/2015 07:43

I'm sorry your HV has been so rubbish. Ours haven't been much help either! Go with your instinct. You know what your child needs and when they want stop too.

For what it's worth my HV told me the same, at 9months she said DD only needs 3 bfs per 24 hours(she was having 3/4 in the day and then multiple in the night If she woke), that she should be napping less(was sometimes 3 naps still then) and that I could give up breastfeeding soon and she was surprised DD wasn't sleeping through solidly and reliably(no other babies I knew were then either!)
I wasn't concerned and although I did cut down on the bfs so I could get more sleep, I didn't pay much attention if any. However DD has now cut out bfing(went to 2 feeds a. Day then one then not interested at all) and sometimes only naps once. I force a second nap wherever possible as I thought toddlers normally start napping just once nearer 2!? Maybe I'm wrong and they're all different.

ArriettyMatilda · 10/12/2015 08:29

I'm amazed- her development is good and she can see you have a good bond. Why then (in my opinion) would she suggest jeopardising that? Perhaps your dd is doing so well because she's getting enough sleep and has her needs met by you day and night. For perspective my dd is almost two and is still feeding in the day and waking at night, it doesn't seem to be causing her any harm. When she naturally dropped to one nap it did make it easier to get her down at night but it was when she was ready. Honestly I don't think you should worry.

rainbowunicorn · 12/12/2015 23:01

Most health visitors are a waste of space who spout outdated drivel at you. Just do what feels right and you wont go far wrong

Iggi999 · 12/12/2015 23:04

Surprised an NHS employee is contradicting the WHO's recommendations re bf for a minimum of two years.
Well not that surprised sadly.

DeltaZeta · 12/12/2015 23:05

Ignore. She's taking absolute shite.

JassyRadlett · 12/12/2015 23:37

Tell me, OP, do you have even the tiniest inclination to follow any of the HVs suggestions?

I bloody hope not as she clearly doesn't have a clue.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo · 13/12/2015 09:00

Didn't want to read and run and nothing to add to other comments but what stupid points your HV made!

sometimes I feel like they have to give some criticism, almost like an appraisal at work! Ridiculous.

You are definitely right to ignore.

YeOldeTrout · 13/12/2015 09:05

You found what works for you, OP. Trust it.

Puddleducks123 · 13/12/2015 14:22

Garbage! Keep doing what you're doing.

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