Playgroup politics - what to do when a parent won't discipline their revolting child

[JoshandJamie]

So at the local toddler group we go to there is one little girl who is just not very nice. She screams violently if someone comes near her or tries to touch anything even remotely close to something she's playing with. Normal enough toddler 'I don't share behaviour'. But she also deliberately goes up to my 15 month old and kicks him repeatedly (until I can get there fast enough to move him).

The mother says in a very limp voice: don't do that xx, it's rude. Rude??? It's bloody vicious. And I have a 2.10 year old and he has always been hard work, but there's no way he would be allowed to get away with kicking another child like that.

Today in fact my older child and this little girl were having an argument over a toy - didn't see it start so don't know who had it first. But she started doing her really quite scary screaming, so my son started to do his own version of horrible growling back at her. I know that with him, that's the first sign that he's about to lose it. So I took him aside and put him in the corner facing the wall and spoke to him about why we need to share and that he needs to calm down.

The little girl however, got to carry on playing with the toy without her mom saying a thing.

I know that all kids are different and I also know what it's like to have a difficult child, but I can't stand it when I see a mom do nothing like this - how do I explain to my son that he is getting taken aside for not sharing but she isn't?

I don't feel I can say anything to her about it . And when her daughter kicks my little one, at times I have said very sternly to the little girl: NO KICKING. But I don't feel it's my place to do more than that so just end up removing my child which frustrates him as he was doing nothing wrong.

Sorry - just a rant.

I should probably apologise for the header. The little girl probably isn't revolting. She has just never had any boundaries set.

How old is she?

TWo and a half. So I know her behaviour is normal two year old stuff. But what gets me is that she's never ever called up on it

I think tantruming is normal for 2 and a half, but kicking/hitting - I don't think so, at least not behavior that a child should be allowed to get away with.

tbh I would be inclined to say something to the child, if your child and the other child are fighting over a toy I would go and take the toy away and say "now, it's nice to share, if you won't share nicely then neither of you can have it", then I would take the toy away. That way the other mother will at least be forced to deal with her child in a way. Also it might be worth having a word with whoever runs the toddler group and getting them to have a work with the mother about her child's disruptive behavior. I know of toddler groups where parents have been asked to please deal with their childrens' behavior or they will be asked not to attend.

I forgot to say that what you described - about talking to both kids, saying it's nice to share etc. - I did. But it was at that point that the screaming from both escalated and then I removed my child because I know he has a short fuse and will lash out if left in that situation. But the other mum was right next to me while I was saying this, but didn't say a word, just let her child carry on playing with the toy after I moved my son away.

Well JandJ I think I would have done exactly what you did but also taken the toy off the girl and put it up high.

God, I hate this kind of situation at playgroups/softplays etc, I find it really difficult to know what to do as well. It sounds like you did the right thing. If a child is hitting mine, and there's no obvious parent around, I WILL say something to that child., I think they are more likely to stop when it's someone they don't know. Once caught an older boy begin pretty vicious to my DD - I strode up and growled 'STOP THAT RIGHT NOW', funnily enough he did!!