ds1 lost ds2 digital camera - don't know how to handle it

[ernest]

Ok seems they conspired behind my back to take it, 1st ds2 took it in morning to kindergarten. Then ds1 (scattiest kid on planet) takes ds2's camera to school yesterday pm, and has lost it.

I am of course pissed off that niether Kindergarten teacher or ds1 school teacher took it off either of them. Anyway, can't do anything about that now. Point is, it's lost

ds1 lost it, but ds2 appears to have been in cahoots with him to take it. SO who do i punish and how? I am so pissed off about this. They did it on purpose behind my back becasue they knew obviously I'd say 'no' - for this very reason. Honestly.

I phoned ds1 school teacher this am. she has said it's not there but they will all talk about it & look. I also said he wasn't allowed to take such things into school and asked her if in future she could take it off him if he sneakes anything else out.

I told ds1 he must buy ds2 a new camera. Realistically he has got enough to do so, and will also be getting quite a bit of Christmas money too, but if he can just open an money box or envelope there's no lesson to be learnt is there, I mean, he won't feel the value of it, or the loss, or learn anything other than, it's ok, I can just buy another one, just like that. OTOH if I make him save up his pocketmoney, we'll be here for 3 years. Or longer. Plus ds2 is partly to blame for the loss.

Help please. They come home soon. i want to kill them

does ds1 have a digital camera of his own?

Can he give this to DS2 until a replacement can be bought meaning he misses out on taking photos over christmas ect?

no he doesn't. that would be good solution otherwise.

Not clear as to how old the children are?

If I understand it corrcetly, ds1 took it to school with ds2's permission and it got lost.

I'm a believer in the law of natural consequences. Ds2 needs to learn that if he doesn't look after his precious stuff it will get broken/lost. So if this was done with ds2 knowing, and even encouraging him then I would do nothing. This is actually between them, and I don't see why you have to "punish" anyone. Depending on the age of the children you may need to mitigate any dispute between the children (if ds2 views that ds1 didn't have permission to take it ie stole it)

If on the otherhand it was your camera, then it would be different.

no it wasn't mine. I'd have their goolies on a platter if it was. It was ds 2's camera. He is 5. Ds1 is 7. Seems totally equal in terms of 'lifting' it. but ds1 was the dozey-arse who lost it. That kid looses anything and everything. I wouldn't trust him with a bloody pencil, never mind a digital camera.

Well I'd do nothing. If ds2 asks I might mitigate in a negotiation as to how ds1 could make it up. But I don't think that there is anything to punish as such.

I agree with ParanoidSurreyHousewife -- the consequence of letting your dopey older brother borrow your stuff is that it gets lost and the consequence of borrowing your younger brother's stuff and losing it is that he gets upset and probably won't let you borrow his stuff any more.

To the extent that you need to do anything I think it's more sitting them down and facilitating a discussion about what they think between themselves is appropriate redress. E.g. DS1 may volunteer to buy DS2 a new one out of his Christmas money, which if so is more valuable IMO than being told he has to do it. And point out that this is the reason you have rules about not taking things to school, and you expect them to abide by those rules next time.

And IME pushing the sorrowful "I'm very disappointed in you..." line is probably more effective than a "punishment" (depends on your DSs, though, obviously).

I wouldn't punish either of them. They have done this together and it has been accidentally lost. If it was me I would explain to ds2 that he should look after his things.
I wouldn't replace the camera. They would have to do without until they are old enough to be responsible for one.
Did the teachers know that it had been brought into school? If not, then I don't think they can be held responsible for it either. Our school would take things children have brought from home and return them at hometime but only if they were aware of them. If you are worried about your children taking stuff to school then it might be better for you to tell them not to and frisk them before they go out.

a five year old has a digital camera??!

an incredible hulk was uncerimoniously removed from ds1's bag this morning. frisking is well and truly underway.

Both kg & school teacher definitely saw and commented on the camera, but neither took it off them, but I guess apart from asking them to do so in future, there's nothing else I can do in that regard.

No punishments for sneaking it out behind my bacK?

Can't I kill any body? I do so want to.

whenevilgotstuckupthechimney, his over indulgent nan bought it for him for his birthday (2nd JAn) so nearly 1 year ago. He loves it, and tbh prefer him to get a digital camera which he uses all the time to yet another toy which wouldn't get played with. And I dodn't want him playing with MY camera.

"No punishments for sneaking it out behind my bacK?"

Punishment enough not to have a camera now? Let them argue it out between themselves, for a while, whose fault it was. Keep reminding them that you had said don't take things without telling you, maybe. And as someone else has already said...be very 'sad and disappointed'.

Can't I kill any body? I do so want to.

Oh boy, I know that feeling so well Deep breaths and repeat after me 'this too shall pass'.

Oh - and hide your camera

But do you think 5 is old enough to understand the possible consequences of letting his brother take it in? I would question that my 6 year old would. I'd have to do something for the 'doing it behind my back' aspect for both of them and a bit extra for ds1 for losing it, personally.

Well I guess they are all at different stages of maturity - dd2 is a bit of a fluff head tbh so she'd just think she was being kind to lend it!!! The losing aspect wouldn't occur to her. BUT they wouldn't take anything in behind my back - she does know that much!!!!! Hmmmm maybe she does understand consequences after all

sorry ernest - didn't mean to put on my judgemental head
i am a regular frisker for contraband gear - pockets, bags and pencil cases all have to be opened and the contents displayed if i'm feeling particularly suspicious

ok, so general concencus is

• I can't kill them
• I can't rip off goolies
• I regularly frisk
• I adopt an air of deep disappointment
• I wait a year or so, give them my camera as a joint present and buy myself with their money a mega fabby brand new one. Is that right??

Depends on whether you have PMT or not - I wouldn't necessarily rule anything out...