Finding it hard...

[bunny85]

Hi all,

I had my first baby 2 weeks ago and both me and my partner are finding things very hard. Problem is, he's a perfect baby during the day, sleeps like an angel, wakes up every 2-3h (he's breastfed) and hardly cries. Just as clock strikes 10pm it's like he becomes another person: he's fussy, crying and screaming, wants the boob every 5 mins, feeds for a short time, falls asleep in my arms and as soon as I move him into his bed the screaming starts. We have a chicco next 2 me cot but he never sleeps in it - we have to take him to bed with us and even there he hardly sleeps. He wants to be on his breastfeeding pillow and sleep on it. Only at night though as he sleeps anywhere during the day! Nighttime fussiness continues non stop until about 8 in the morning when he becomes himself again and falls asleep happily anywhere.

We are getting 3-4 h of broken sleep a night and my fiancé is working 6 days a week and we are just so so exhausted.

Any advice? Many thanks in advance.

Oh, and a two week old? I never put them in the cot, they followed me around in the Moses basket or bouncy chair for at least three months!

He just wants to be near you! You're his Mum, he loves you. He can't be expected to be popped down away from you, he only just came out of you!

(Sorry for the excessive exclamation marks there!!!!!!).

Is there any chance you can sleep in separate rooms for a little while so at least one of you is getting some quality sleep to be able to support the other?

It WILL get easier, at 2 weeks your baby still doesn't understand the difference between night and day but he will get there. Lots of feeding at night also encourages your body to up your milk supply also. We're 13 weeks in and DS is sleeping so much better (not first baby so knew what we were expecting), PFB are a real shock to the system - added in the massive hormone surge and it's understandable that this period is difficult.

It's old fashioned advice, but it does work - sleep when baby is sleeping during the day, get your partner to help out with housework/cooking etc when he's home from work. Do whatever it takes to get through it, sleep depravation is awful.

Thanks so very much everyone. I didn't get to see yourusername's posts before they got deleted, and I'm glad I didn't.

Ladypug, tell me about the hour! I keep my iPad next to the bed and that's what keeps my sanity during those sleepless nights.

By the way, just as you all were saying, it seems to have gotten a tiny bit better! He eats for a bit longer, and sleeps for a bit longer too. Especially in the mornings. It's late evenings that's his worst time.

HoundoftheBaskervilles, i wouldn't put him in the separate cot either, and I'm not doing that. What I meant by cot was our chicco next2me crib which is attached to our bed, and he is only supposed to sleep there at night. During the day he is always by my side. However he refuses the crib too, and we always co-sleep now. I'm working on developing the most essential skill at the moment - nursing lying side by side. I know if I get the hang of it, my problems will be almost solved.

Anotherbusymum, unfortunately we haven't got an available room right now as my mum stays there. She is leaving in 2 weeks though and so my fiancé will be able to stay there and catch up on some sleep. We are not looking forward to her leaving though... We are those helpless clueless first time parents!

Tricky, great advice re bottle. Will try tonight!

Bunny, you seem to have had lots of good advice but I just wanted to reiterate that you're not alone! DD was much wanted after a couple of miscarriages however I remember in the first few weeks thinking that I just didn't 'like' her. No amount of preparation could have prepared DH & I for actually how hard it is! DD refused to sleep anywhere but on us for the first 10 days, we took it in turn to do shifts over night so that we didn't fall asleep with her. We found that she would sleep in the carrycot so the co-sleeper became a cot holder for a while We then managed to move on to the Moses basket & finally the actual co-sleeper. We're now 12 weeks in and it still had its ups and downs but we do get more sleep, she generally only wakes 3 times in the night now. I remember people saying it would get better soon & thinking it would never happen but the past 12 weeks have flown!

Good luck with it all and try hard not to beast yourself up about how you feel and if you need help ask for it

• beat yourself up! Oops

It is hard in the beginning. Could your mum take the baby out for a walk in the buggy while you sleep, or just entertain it while you sleep?

Does your DH have to sleep in the same room? What if he looked after the baby while you slept for a couple of hours in the evening, and then went to a seperate room for the night? At this stage, keep your standards low - this stage won't last for ever.