Am I the worst mum in the world?

[harryserjeant]

I really love my little girl who is now six months old. But she doesn't sleep that well, won't eat solids (apart from fruit and yoghurt), uses a dummy, won't nap regularly during the day, won't nap for more than half an hour, doesn't sit up on her own yet and I rock her to sleep. I feel like everything I do is wrong and I don't know how to fix it. I keep seeing other mums with younger babies that sleep through the night, eat full meals and are already standing and I just feel like such a failure.

I feel like I'm a terrible mum for my little girl and I'm just ruining her. I don't know what to do.

You are not a terrible mum. I was still feeling mine several times a night at seven months and I refuse to think I was terrible. How could I be when I was trying my best? I would hazard a guess that most babies at six months aren't sleeping through or eating much more solid food than yours. A six month old who can stand alone is pretty rare so I'd ignore that.

You can't teach your child to stand, crawl, walk, run, sleep, be dry at night. It all has to happen at the right time and when the baby is physiologically ready.

Now eat some chocolate, watch some telly and consider whether these show off mums are actually floundering and are looking for a way to feel better.

Feeding, not feeling

my LO did exactly all the same things as yours, and i thought i was doing grand! your baby is 6 months old, few babies sit up at that stage, and i found longer naps came when she got more mobile - crawling etc. the food thing sounds just where it should be too, there's no rush on them to be eating steak & chips ;-)
YOU ARE DOING GREAT WITH HER

Please chill. Nothing you are doing is wrong or damaging and all babies do things at different times. Just enjoy her as much as you can and do what you need to do to get you through each day. But try and chill out!

she doesn't sleep that well

Normal. Not your fault.

won't eat solids (apart from fruit and yoghurt)

She's only six months, what do you expect her to eat at this age? My son is six months and is only just starting to have small amounts of porridge/fruit purée every day.

uses a dummy

Dummies are fab.

won't nap regularly during the day, won't nap for more than half an hour

Normal. DS is a light sleeper and his big sister always wakes him up. I don't sweat it. If he'd been my first baby I probably would have.

doesn't sit up on her own yet

Normal. DS doesn't and his sister didn't until 7.5m.

and I rock her to sleep

Nothing wrong with that. She's tiny.

I feel like everything I do is wrong and I don't know how to fix it.

What makes you think that? Who is telling you this is all wrong, because it REALLY isn't

OP your baby sounds 100% normal and perfect and so does your parenting.
Really.

some mums who say their baby sleeps though the night are fibbering. my baby is 7 months hes thinking about sitting up but not quite got it. one of my children did not sit up till he was 9 months... at 6 months old heir main diet is still baby milk/breast milk. so take your time with the weaning.

really gross. but i remeber with one of my kids i used to have the spoon and put half savory and half yougurt on the spoon and he used to eat it. and i reduced the yogurt until it was just the saveroy. gross i know but it worked. not sure if its recommended though.

im not sure i would do the rocking to sleep. but i do put my baby in a swing chair that works by battery. he falls sleep in that. when its time for sleep could your baby lay on something thats yours so that she can smell you when sleeping so feels close to you.

it does not matter if she uses a dummy. none of it really matters every baby is different dont worry what others are doing

You sound like you're doing a great job! You never know what goes on behind closed doors, there's no point comparing yourself to others.

I have an 11 month old. He has slept about 4 hours in his cot at home in his whole life. Last night he had yoghurt and banana for dinner. He has never gone to sleep at night without breastfeeding. We co-sleep. He only naps about 1h30 during the day in total. But we have a great time together, so I think we're doing pretty well!!

Your daughter couldn't care less how much other babies sleep or whether or not they do or do not use a dummy. All she needs is a mummy who loves her, a tummy full of milk and lots of cuddle sand giggles.

But you sound pretty down, given that everything you describe seems normal. Are YOU happy? These days will be over so quickly, make the most of the cuddles and the fact that she needs you so much right now.

OP My DD is 20mo.

She slept for 45mins at a time until about a year (slightly better at night). I only stopped rocking her at 14mo.

She's still struggling with eating but is getting better. She sat up at 5mo, walked on her own at 13mo, but has only just learnt how to get onto her feet by herself. She can't crawl and doesn't really roll.

But she's doing fine, just like your DD. She will get there, I promise.

If I can see back that far I was totally in the same boat when my son was 6 months. Couldn't sit up, total food refuser, had all daytime naps on me. I was definitely getting up in the night still.

It is relentless because someone's baby will be sitting, or love food and everyone tells to that x is the secret to magical night's sleep. Whether it is or it isn't doesn't change your little one.

I rember we went on holiday at 9 months and thinking I had finally got this parenting malarkey.. Then my husband and my son got chicken pox and everything went to shit again!! Hang in there, it gets better but try not to compare yourself and your child (because everyone lies!!)
Xx

I bfed my DD (now 4) on demand, including overnight, until she was 22 months old. I bf or rocked her to sleep every night until she was prob 2 (and will still cuddle and rock her if she's sick and needs it). She ate little more than small amounts of avocado and banana, a bit of toast occasionally, tiny amounts of puréed this or mashed that until she was about 1 or maybe older. (Except olives. She would eat her body weight in olives if I didn't monitor very closely!) That is the nature of baby led weaning and she has been on the 75th weight percentile her whole life. She had a bottle and used a dummy at bedtime until she was 3.5yo and gave it up entirely of her own accord. She is an excellent sleeper, a very helpful, bright, polite and beautifully spoken little girl (no stealth in that boast - she is amazing lol), and is currently enjoying sweet and sour prawn stir fry rice for dinner. She sat up, walked and danced when SHE was ready.

The other mums with younger babies who sleep through the night are LYING btw. . And their babies shouldn't be eating anything - 6 months is the earliest for solids unless under medical guidance for serious medical issues.

Oops accidental early post! Dummies are AWESOME during teething and other inevitable illnesses, and I'll do all the same again with my 5mo DS.

Do what is instinctively right for you and your baby and RELAX!

You get half hour naps? my wee dd has at least a half hour battle (with herself) before napping for approx 25mins. And it used to be 15mins.

Besides I'M the worst mum cos I dropped her.

Seriously though, stop comparing. Babies get there in their own time. Mine does sleep through the night. Apart from when she wakes up to chat to her blanket/dummy/cot side. She doesn't want fed. She just falls back asleep.

She also:
Spits carrot puree out
Rolls like a demon in her cot, and enjoys tummy time in there too. But on the floor? Oh no.
Screeches like a banshee at EVERY bounce n rhyme class we go to no one else's baby does that I think she's singing along
Doesn't like being held for too long, it interferes with her playing with toys time.

As for her dummy. I couldn't care less what others think. It has saved my sanity on soooooo many occasions.

As has bing bunny and the octonauts on TV. But not teletubbies that scared us both

You are absolutely not a terrible mum. But please speak to your hv/partner/friends in rl for some good old reassurance

& for us all. We deserve it

I keep seeing other mums with younger babies that sleep through the night, eat full meals and are already standing

Ignore these ones. They are not normal. YOU are normal.

Baby number 1, listened to far too many opinions, thought I did everything wrong. Baby number 2, was more confident, but still stupidly listened to some 'perfect' mothers (mainly my family members) - still felt like a failure. Baby number 3, ain't no one going to tell when they should sleep through, when they should be on solids, what they should be doing at each stage. Will be ignoring absolutely everything and everyone and realising I am actually a bloody good Mum

Enjoy your little baby as much as you can, the time goes fast, don't spend it beating yourself up x

Hahaha thank you so much everyone some of your posts made me laugh so much! I do need to stop comparing and I think that I have just got swept up in the tiny NCT circle!

Thank you so much for showing me that not everything is always perfect xxxx

Your DD sounds exactly like my DS at that age. Like other pps have said. All of that is totally normal. I too have an nct group that seemed full of eating and sleeping babies at that age. Not eating a lot and sleeping in short bursts at irregular times is actually much more normal than eating and sleeping loads at that age. You are doing great. PS don't worry about a dummy. My DS is 18mo and still needs his when he is going to bed/sick/teething etc.

Um my ds was like that last night, bar dummy (though I still feed him to sleep)

He's three.

Seriously, some babies just need more of us especially at night.

Babies have an extremely strong need to suck, a dummy is fine, some find their finger or thumb, some snack on mummy all night. Some need it more than others.

Conversation with my colleague today; #1 slept from 6 mo due to cry it out.
#2 was 5 years old. Tried cry it out, he'd make himself sick. Decided to sleep when he got a particular nightlight. Conclusion: they're all different.

Please don't compare, my husband has made himself very unhappy doing this and believing we are 'doing it all wrong'. Actually, human babies are so so so very needy in order to accommodate their large brain. Their bodies are not capable of independence till much older than other mammals. Our milk is different to other mammals meaning they feed more frequently to accommodate the growing brain. (Thus the need to suck - in the past on a boob. And anyones boob.) brain doesn't stop forming structurally till around 3.

You're a fab mummy meeting your gorgeous little ones immediate needs.

And yes - only ate yoghurt, oatcakes apples and fish fingers for 2 years. Initially though just yoghurt and oatcakes.

An Nct group member had one that slept 12 hours from 3 mo.

#2 - nah.

Karma.

Everything you have posted sounds absolutely normal.
Perfect parents and babies? Wait until their teen years!

Every baby is different. I am 37 but when I was a baby I did not sit up, walk or crawl until I was 2. My mum thought there was something wrong as my sister had mastered everything when she was 1 year old. Nothing wrong I was just lazy. Don't listen to everything everyone else says that their baby is doing and don't compare. My baby is 6 months, she is happy, she blows raspberries and healthy. The rest will come in time.

I really love my little girl who is now six months old
That's brilliant!

she doesn't sleep that well
She's still tiny, she won't sleep well. Clearly, you are on the right track.

won't eat solids apart from fruit and yoghurt
She's very young for solids. No rush. Six months from now she'll be demanding her own plate. She knows what solids are. What a good mummy you are.

uses a dummy
The urge to suck can last until they are six to eight years old. And it doesn't go away fully even then. What do you think all the thumb suckers, smokers and gum-chewers are up to? Obviously, you are doing the right thing.

won't nap regularly during the day, won't nap for more than half an hour
There are some babies who do this - or so people claim. Mine didn't. I put it down to her being exceptionally intelligent and to her having a wonderful mother. I'm sure your dd is the same.

doesn't sit up on her own yet
Ask at the mother and baby clinic - is that SureStart nowadays? I'm no expert but it doesn't seem like a problem to me. The fact that you have noticed means you're taking a real interest in her development - aren't you a good parent!

I rock her to sleep
She is a very lucky baby. She has a wonderful mum.

I feel like everything I do is wrong
Yes, that's how new mums feel. Its not true though. You're doing really well.

I don't know how to fix it
If it ain't broke...

I keep seeing other mums with younger babies that sleep through the night, eat full meals and are already standing
Its true. Some of them do this. I knew a seven-month old walker, gave up the breast at that age...but he was just wrong (don't tell his mum I said so) because mine didn't do that, and obviously she was perfect!

I just feel like such a failure
You feel it, but it isn't true.

I feel like I'm a terrible mum for my little girl
No you're not. But check out whether you might be depressed, or 'anxious' in the clinical sense, not just a worrier.

I'm just ruining her
You're looking after her really well, according to her needs not someone else's. What more could anyone ask? Well done, you.

I don't know what to do
Hang around MN - you'll read about loads of babies like yours and many, many mums who feel uncertain. That will help you see that its ok.
Again, see the GP and talk about your worries, so that you can be reassured and if you need further help, you can get it.

Its ok, you know. You're doing well.

My 4 year old dd5 still likes to be cuddled to sleep!
She's happy and confident at school but she loves her mummy!
My 5 year old is a crap eater.
Your dd is loved and you are doing everything she needs you to do.
I have 5 dc and if I compared myself to everyone else id go mad!