Very recently moved to France...x3 school aged kids ! Advice please ?

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Hi I have 3 DSs aged 6,( GS maternelle ),5( MS maternelle ) and nearly 4,( PS maternelle ), as well as 2 DDs,( twins ) aged 8 months-ish. I'm a hospital doc in UK but am taking a year/18 months sabbatical in academe out here at a provincial french uni.I speak fluent french but none of the children do.My husband is carrying on working in London,( also a hospital doc ), and coming out as and when he can.I know a few of my french colleagues already,( all men...), but apart from that no one else really, so need to network like mad..We have bought our english nanny out here too and hope to also get some local help too with housework and childcare too. The kids are attending a ' sous contrat ' private catholic school...apparently the ' best ' in the area but it does look rather shabby/run down to us compared to London day school...ANY advice on how to ' bed in ' and integrate very, very welcome ? Groups to join or places to go for advice/networking...also ' etiquette ' on how to be a ' good' parent at the school etc....Also how long before kids start really speaking french..?

Your DC could well be fluent in just 5 months; at their age I realy wouldn´t worry about them learning French, but how to make sure they remember it when you go back to the UK.

How about hosting an "English" children´s Christmas party for your colleagues and their families? You and your English ways will have huse curiosity value and you can show some hospitality without having to host a proper meal which the French will be duty-bound to see as inferior to a French food. Could help you to get to know people..

Thanks cholas....what a brilliant idea ! I will certainly do that, DH coming over this w/e so have insructed him to get proper english party invites etc...Will also include some of the kids from school and their families too, and make it really english with stuff like mince pies/trifle and games of pass the parcel...my nanny will love it too !

mulled wine, crakers ; gingerbread men , Xmas pud ; stilton and cheese crakers Xmas carols CDs - go for it!!!! decorate the house etc... my French family love the british Xmas (esp mince pies!)

Yes, I am really getting into the idea of a big ' open house ' type party...actually it's what we usually do in London, with a children's party entertainer in the pm,instead of this will get nanny,( who is brill at this type of thing ! ), and one of my younger sisters who is staying with us over Xmas,( she is a actress, so maybe can put those skills to use !!!), to organise traditional english party games...I will invite my colleagues and families from the uni, and also some neighbours and some children from DSs school, but do any french mums think it would be ok to invite the headmistress ? I know she lives in the next village along from us,( although the school is in the town...),in London we wouldn't but only because it waasn't really the thing to do....is it in France ? Or would we be seen as pushy english people, and cause embarrassment..

hello again. as a french person i'd say go for it. the teacher can always politely decline. i think you are having a lovely idea to invite everybody. can i come? where are you in France?

Whereabouts are you in France? I would be a bit shy about inviting the head if you don't actually know her that well, but my experience is limited to teaching in the French system rather than being a parent. And anyway I have no knowledge of how private schools work here. So why not ask and, as Nanou1 said, if she doesn't like the idea she can just say no. I found the mairie and the tourist office in our town really helpful for finding out about clubs,activities, places to go, etc. There's a ludothèque where I live, a playgroup where you accompany kids and where, on payment of a small deposit, you can borrow toys to take home. A lifesaver for us and a good place to meet other mums/nannies. As for how long it'll take your kids to speak French, I don't know if there's any way to predict, it depends on the individual a lot. They might seem a bit lost for a bit and then suddenly it'll just take off and they'll be chatting easily. But they'll figure out a way to communicate quickly enough, I reckon.

Where are you in France i.e. how provincial do u mean by provincial?

Language - should be least of your worries. Non-French dc in ds' school (he's in GS) had a working comprehension in as little as a month according to his teacher. When DS entered PS, he had close to no French (no language really as late talker) but was jabbering away in 6 months.

Schools - don't be worried about the appearance as the teaching is excellent in France esp. at the maternelle level. I do have to warn u that not all people warm up to the French style. There is huge emphasis placed on socialisation at maternelle (explains a lot IMO why French children always appear abnormally well-behaved!). I've heard it a few times from French friends even that they perceive the English system to be more "nurturing" than the French. Reading only starts in CP.

Creche - your twins can go to a creche. These are also excellent. Well managed by gov't and subsidised. (One of the wonderful things about socialist France). Might be good to get a place to relieve some of the load off your nanny.

Teacher etiquette - my exp. is that there's a clear line drawn between parent and teacher. On the whole, teachers want to be left to do their job. It is impt. to show that u are on their side. Don't come across as challenging or questioning their methods. Even if u r fluent in French, do take care in how the tone of your questions comes across. With regards to headteacher...we wouldn't really do it - bit weird but ok I guess if u live in a really small provincial village and everyone knows each other.

Meeting parents - your kids are really your lifeline to meeting other parents. Wedsnesday afternoons are when kids have the afternoon off. Organise play dates.

How do you manage with 5 children?!?! and a full time job. Wow!

Hello and welcome to France. My DH is a (French) hospital doc too!

Re the language thing, my DDs were 4 and 6 when we arrived and both were fluent after 6 months. DD2 went silent at school for weeks until she felt confident enough to speak in public, but it was fine in the end, once she'd made a friend. It was very hard at first, but you'd never know now, they are both 100% bilingual. The younger the better for rapid fluency and a good accent.

I'm at home at the mo with a 4.5-month-old DS and the lack of daytime mums-and-tots equivalent means you have to make more of an effort to get out and meet people, but through school you should meet some parents. Make sure you say bonjour when you meet someone's eye in the playground, but don't be too pushy, I found people spoke to me at first for our novelty value. Or asking for advice - everyone seemed keen to impart some wisdom. Attending parents' meetings and volunteering to help out at the school is great if that's your thing.

Good luck!