advice 10year old appearance

[teaandporridge]

My 10 year old ds goes to his dad's every 3 weeks or so. When he's there his dad makes him dress like a mini version of himself and cracks up if he gets anything dirty, but will only buy him pure white trainers?! He came home last time with practically skin tight jeans on that he could barely move in. I never buy him jeans as he says they're too uncomfortable.

Ds is an outdoorsy active boy. He plays rugby, goes to Cubs, cycles and just loves being out. The clothing and footwear I buy him are suitable for his lifestyle. All this aside - he is happy! He doesn't really care how he looks, just wants to have fun. But his dad is a poser and bases everything on looks!

He's just told me he thinks ds looks a mess and it really hurt. He wants to teach him to have pride in his appearance.

I don't think he should be forcing this onto him. He actually refused to take him to the cinema a few months back as ds refused to wear the jeans! I think it's utterly ridiculous to be honest but I wouldn't mind hearing other parents' opinions? Should I be making him dress 'nicer' to please the eyes of the materialistic?

Er no! His dad is being shallow.

Thank you. He is bring extremely shallow! The annoying thing is he thinks he's right and I'm wrong. Almost implying that I'm neglectful for not gelling his hair and taking him somewhere 'nice'

There's nothing wrong with your 10 year old's appearance and everything wrong with is Dad's attitude. You absolutely shouldn't be going along with this crap. I appreciate you probably can't stop your ex from playing dress up with him but you certainly shouldn't be backing up his stupid attitude. I have an almost 9 yo DS and he lives in jogging bottoms and hates jeans. I've managed to find some smarter troursers that he'll tolerate as the waist is elasticated but I certainly don't push the issue. There'll be time enough for them to be fussing with hair gel and the right kind of jeans when they're in their teens - why anyone would foist it upon a primary age child is beyond me.

I'm not backing it up at all, it's really bothering me that he does this and it bothers me even more that I can't stop it. I let rip at him this afternoon about it as ds almost seems scared

Posted by mistake! He seems a bit scared of not packing the jeans and ridiculous shoes that his dad bought for him! I didn't let him take the jeans and told his dad I don't want him filling his head with materialistic poser shite, and that he should take an interest in who his son actually is instead of berating him for not meeting his standards. I wish I could make him disappear

Wow. Your ten year old is more grown up than his dad.

He wants to teach him to have pride in his appearance.

There is nothing wrong with this but it isn't what his father is doing and your DS is only 10. Your Ex is being a twat.

I taught mine to have pride in their appearance by letting them choose their own clothes and getting them to think about whether the clothing was suitable for the activity they were doing. (And, in the case of teen DSs, shower regularly!)

Turning a child into a clothes horse is not teaching them to have pride in their appearance.

pride in appearance means clean, tidy to start and dressed appropriately for the activity. Children run about, get dirty, muddy and sweaty. So spray on jeans and white trainers are not appropriate. I struggle to think where they are appropriate but that's another issue...

the man has a damaging attitude. If the child was a girl and was encouraged to pose, preen and not move would it be appropriate?

I can see why you jettisoned this bloke.

YANBU he'd have a fit if he met my two then..my ds is 10 and sporty - when not in school uniform he lives in sports kit or "comfies". 7 yo dd went out today (out of choice I might add) in hand me down tracksuit bottoms , crocs, minion socks and Star Wars tshirt 2 sizes too big! They have to be able to express themselves...