Terrified of horror stories I've heard about health visitors

[mrsjoker35]

Title ^
I keep hearing all these stories! And i don't know where i stand... Im terrified of having my baby and being interrogated by someone ive never met before. I feel as if they'll make me feel as if im not good enough or something! Im honestly terrified , i just want to have my baby in peace. Im 37+4 weeks,
My mum said she threw hers out because she was undermining her, but that was 18 yeas ago... I don't think its that easy without them throwing a red flag at me.

I should be scared of birth, not having my baby taken away.....
Your experiences? And advice would be a great.

Call her and tell her how worried you are, that's what she is there for
^^

Everyone wants you to be happy and successful with your baby, and they will do everything they can to help you. Seriously. They will bend over backwards. Because you being a happy mum to your baby is the best outcome for everyone: you, the baby, the health service, and society.

Health visitors are generally nice. Occasionally they can be a bit too strong in expressing their opinions and upset people.

Fwiw, before my DD was born, I was majorly preoccupied with the fear that she would be accidentally switched at birth in the hospital. As it happened, she was actually whisked away to a resuscitation trolley within seconds of birth - and I practically yelled 'follow her! ' at my DH. In retrospect, I can see how unnecessary and unrealistic this fear was, but at the time it was very real - so I do understand a bit what you're feeling, and I'd encourage you just to do whatever you can to set your fears to rest so that you can focus on the wonderful change that's coming to your life

I spent the first night with my hand on ds'a tummy (he was in a cot beside me). Apparently the midwife stroked my hand the next morning to wake me and u leapt up ready for a fight :o
To anyone who is jealous I'd like to point out ds didn't sleep that we'll for another three years

Mine wasn't much use but she was very nice. I think I saw her twice at home and when i took him to clinic for weighing. This time round I've met her for the pre-birth visit but doubt i'll see much of her unless i have any concerns.

Yes i have a partner, hes amazing ,been to every appointment, scan.. :) hes even more excited than me! hes always talking to and feeling her movements hehe , and hes working hard for us both ,he takes care of me

And my family are brilliant, we all live in the same street

And thank you all for your replies. Their all been very helpful and i definitely feel better, much appreciated

Glad to hear it. Now get on with being excited :) your life is about to change in the best way. Do you kbow if you're having a boy or a girl?

Yeah , wee girl :)

My HV is also lovely. She was fab when I struggled breastfeeding, she helped me get a referral to the feeding clinic. She gave advice (& didn't judge) when we asked about starting solids at 4 months as DD was a massively hungry baby & I wasn't producing enough (I was too tired & stressed). Recently she's been fab again when we asked for help with dealing with DD's behaviour, which I'm finding challenging due to my health issues.

You don't have to see your HV. But they can be really helpful. It's good that you have your family near as well, to help if needed.

Ive had two. One was a bit useless but nice enough, the other was quite helpful. Both professional and courteous and both made me feel like I knew best which was nice but a bit unhelpful when I had questions! No interrogating, no snooping and very short visits. You have nothing to fear.

I have had good ones and bad ones.

With my first I was homeless. I had them come unannounced and were quite rude. DH told them to go away and phone to make an appointment. When another HV did come I found their questioning quite instrusive but they did help me get dd1 feeding better as she couldn't turn her head to feed properly on the right breast. Once they realised I had a lot of support from DH and family they were less concerned. Didn't bother with weighing after 8 week check as dd1 was fine.

With my second I let very good HV come and weigh dd2 at first visit, then visited clinic when I wanted to know her weight.

I let my last one come and do initial visit for weight and then went a couple of times to get ds weighed at clinic as he was prem, that was it.

They provide an optional service, you can engage as much as you want, but don't write them off initially until you have tried them as even if nothing else the reassurance of knowing your baby is gaining weight is helpful. Also if one HV isn't your cup of tea for whatever reason, you can request a different HV.

Try not to worry too much if you can this is not a massive deal

As someone said babies do not get randomly taken away and a hv certainly doesn't have that power, grrr it sounds like you mw has scared you

With ds1 I had a brilliant midwife and rubbish hv, not interrogating but just a bit useless , made vague mention to old mh issues but left it alone when I was clearly fine

This time my community mw has been atrocious and the pre visit from the hv was great so it's like anything ..... Some crap and some good

Just do what you know is right take the sensible advice and attempt to relax you'll be fine

All the 'bad' hv stories I know of are of the 'useless/poorly informed' variety not taking babies away.

Fwiw I had a full on nervous breakdown ss involvement lone parent and they still didn't take dd as I was a loving practical parent and dd was fine and would have been more distressed if removed!

My first hv was totally useless her only knowledge of children based on textbooks and what little experience she had via her training, had never even been a babysitter! I refused to see her again after she told me dummies were 'evil'! Next hv was fantastic! Came from a large family herself and had 4 of her own! Loads of experience and common sense. When I was worried because dd was only eating fromage frais chocolate and wotsits she reassured me dd was happy, gaining weight, 'at least eating something' and that even chocolate at least had iron in! Plus reminded me that babies/children tend to go through phases. Right enough within a month (probably cos I'd stopped stressing) dd was happily stealing veggies etc off mine and her dads plates! Then a few weeks later eating 'properly'.

They are there to help, advise and support. Not to criticise or condemn.

As you're under snip their focus will be on avoiding you becoming unwell at a time when you're particularly vulnerable.