3yrs old pushed 2yr old down stairs

[Appleicecream]

My friend dropped off her 2 yr old for me to babysit for the morning and they were perfectly happy.
My son has been quite badly behaved recently. He has been hitting myself and nursery staff when tired. Trying to hit other children at nursery... when he gets tired or frustrated he just becomes very physical.
My friend and I were sitting on the sofa and she put her head round to watch my son and her 2yr old walk up the stairs. My son had previously shown signs of being a bit hitty/pushy he kept saying he wanted the 2yr old to play. They got to the top of the stairs and my son looked at my friend before purposefully pushing her 2 yr old down the entire flight of stairs. Thankfully she was fine apart from a little bit upset.
I was shocked and calmly put him in his room and shut the door as I had no idea what else to do and was too angry to react. He came downstairs after 5 minutes and apologised to his friend and they were fine together afterward.

What on earth do I do?
Is this normal? Should I be worried?

I pushed my little brother down the stairs at that age (I am female). I don't remember it, that's just what my mum tells me. I am now 42, he is 41. So we are still alive and I never made another attempt on his life I have never done anything remotely like it since! Unless there are other issues I really don't think it's a sign your son has a problem other than being a 3 year old with the usual impulse issues that implies.

Thank you so much!

I would say the one incident alone is not the worry but the general aggression yes. I am not suggesting he is going to be a serial killer but I think you need to look at the triggers..

How is his speech... If it is conntecting with been tired.. Suggest what he can do when he is tired. Put in chill out time whether TV book, or whatever helps him rest.

Be aware at this age they do not understand the difference between positive and negative attention.

This is something to deal with but doesn't mean he is going to turn into a delinquent.

You need to ensure though if friends are round he is supervised

I'm sorry, but I don't think this is normal at all. In fact, it's quite horrendous. Neither of my children would have ever done something this (they are grown now). And at age 3, children DO have a sense of right and wrong. He must have some clue, that what he was doing was spiteful and could hurt the 2 year old. If he doesn't, how come? You say that you put him in his room for 5 mins. Is that all the punishment he got? If so, you are not being strict enough. He should have been told off and given a smacked bottom. And had a much longer time out. He needs to know, in no uncertain terms, that this kind of bullying behaviour will not be tolerated and will have consequences.

They might know right from wrong (some) but at 3, I think they don't understand consequences. So he wouldn't think 'if I push her she might break her leg' he would probably be thinking 'I don't want her near me' so pushed her.

Hmmm iliveatthebeach so you teach a child to not hit and push...by smacking. That's pretty hard to decipher if you're three. And time out - if you even do that, is not meant to be only one minute per year of age??

Has your son witnessed aggression or domestic abuse within the family home? My DC would definitely not have behaved in that way towards another child, so in my view it's unusual.

If it were my child involved I would just put it down to my lack of appropriate supervision on my part . If I were your friend I wouldn't be asking you to babysit again any time soon . Is your son only just 3 or is he 3 nearly 4 as I think that would be significant .

For Christ's sake finally. Kids are perfectly capable of doing stupid things without some awful back story. High spirits and lack of thinking. They do grow out of it.

Ilive - you smacked your children when they hit others? Right like that's a good message to send

It was a reasonable question, Meg. I wasn't being unkind, I was trying to support OP to explore what (if any) underlying factors may be causing his challenging behaviour.

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/domestic-abuse/signs-symptoms-effects/

Apple , l feel you were far too soft on your son and if he has been hitting previously you have lacked discipline for some time.

It is never acceptable for a 3 year old to hit anyone, if one of mine hit l would take them away sharply to a quiet spot and very sharply explain why it is wrong, then a punishment, eg staying in room with no fun things for 10 mins or so, and then a warning that if it ever happens again, x or y will be the punishment ( something that matters to be taken away or missed)

I would be very cross if l were you and take a firm line.....he could grow out of it or he could seriously hurt another child ....also what will happen if he gets away with agressive behaviour now, when he is 16 and taller than you?

My daughter is 3.5. She’s a very strong child. Pleasant, funny, can be bossy. And get frustrated when things don’t go her way.
Yesterday at the babysitter’s she pushed a 2 year old down the stairs. I just found out about it today. So, I asked my Li if she did it and she didn’t say no. I explained to her how she can’t be doing that. I didn’t want to get mad at her because she was honest with me and plus she shouldn’t have been left unattended at the top of the stairs.
How should I approach this? My bf thinks I should punish her, but how can I... she was honest with me.

It's precisely the kind of thing my dd might have done at that age if not closely supervised. And, for the nursery teacher earlier on the thread, it had absolutely diddly squat to do with how she behaved at nursery, where butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Not because of some kind of maturity, but because the setting was different. And because these stupid impulsive things weren't happening the whole time: they happened now and again.

She also had never witnessed violence and has not grown up violent or lacking in empathy.