Worried about baby development

[scarednoob]

I posted recently about sleep and thanks to everyone we are finally getting a few hours most nights!

However I am getting really worried about my baby's development. She was born by c section at 37 weeks on 16 September at 7lbs4 and has put weight on well since then. She's been holding her head up well and tries to lift it during tummy time and is v strong at kicking and grunting/gurgling/yelling.

However, we're now at 7.5 weeks and I feel she doesn't really respond to me or much except the lights on the ceiling. She will make eye contact and track you when she feels like it, but I'm not sure we've had a smile yet, and she's not interested in toys or her play gym. She doesn't really like being cuddled unless she's asleep - although she will sit with daddy for longer than with me - and starts looking for milk as soon as I touch her.

Most days she is fine in the morning and will even gurgle back at me, but by lunchtime until bedtime she is v fussy, only catnaps for 10 mins at a time, and then screams and will only be soothed by the boob. I know some of it is tummy ache, as I can see when she is uncomfortable, but she sleeps on her back, only spits up once a day or so etc, so I don't think she can have reflux.

I am terrifying myself that there is something wrong, as the books say she should be grinning at me and reaching for toys etc by now. But all she wants to do is stare past me at the light and then feed. Should I be asking the dr for help? Or am I expecting too much?

Thanks all!

These are very early days and she was born a bit earlier. Definitely too early for toys/playgym. Some babies are interested in them that early, but that's more of the exception. And not smiling is still within a normal range - she may give you a smile any day coming, when you don't expect.
That said, has she had her 6-8 weeks check. You can take it as opportunity to talk through your worries with GP.
Not all babies are cuddly. I was so upset when my DS1 didn't like cuddles much at 8 weeks - thought all kind of things. He is extremely cuddly 2 year old now.
She may also be turning her head away because she is tired. To be honest, at that age is babies are mostly feed, sleep, burp and try to get their tummies functioning. It should get more interesting in a couple of weeks time!

Oh, and it is very reassuring that she makes eye contact sometimes. They get tired so quickly at that age, other times she may just find it overstimulating.

My baby was nowhere near smiling and reaching at that age. There's nothing abnormal about anything you've said!

I'm only going to comment on the 'not sure if we've had a smile yet' as that's the only bit I have any experience of... Everyone said my son was smiling and I was totally not convinced.. Baby smiles are not like proper smiles at all!!! It was more and open mouth thing. And this we had to be joyous about!

If you are concerned speak to your hv or gp.. My son missed all his physical milestones up to 2.5 and it was pretty stressful watching everyone else crawl and walk.. But we had loads of support from health professionals and it was fine.

Kx

Thanks everyone, that helps a lot. She's just been staring at me - when she should be asleep! - so I am sure she is making eye contact, but I'm just not sure that the little curls of her mouth count as a smile. At her 6 week check the GP said to come back if no smile by 8 weeks; DP thinks she has smiled but I don't.

At the moment, even if there is a smile, her best friend the lamp is likely to be the recipient!

The internet is a bad place when you are worrying

V similar stage to you. DS born 17th Sept, 2 weeks, 5 days early. Also shows NO interest in toys/gym. Think they are only really starting to see properly/be able to focus so wouldn't be doing that yet anyway. He does stare into my eyes and tracks a little but not much. We have had a couple of smiles but seriously blink and you'd miss them at this stage (this is my third so much more chilled out than before!). Don't panic. Sure she's doing fine. They really don't do much at this stage x

Wow 8 weeks is really early to go the doctors if she's not smiling I think.

Most of the milestones are from due date not birthdate.

Although 37 is technically term it is early term and I was told to think in "adjusted" age for first few months. DS2 was born three weeks early and didn't smile till 9 weeks - but that was 6 weeks adjusted.

He is four months now and I still worry about development but trying to relax about it!

My first two DCs were born at 41 weeks but DC3 was born at 37 weeks. The way he was in those first 8 weeks was so different to the other two. For starters he barely woke to do anything other than feed. In fact I often had to wake him to feed him. Smiling and interaction were definitely later than they had been with the elder two, ditto reaching for things. I really worried. But at 11 months he's nearly walking, crawling all round, laughing, singing, babbling etc. He's totally normal.

I think the early delivery makes a big difference to how they behave in the early weeks, even though 37 weeks is classed as term.

I'm just not sure that the little curls of her mouth count as a smile

They do. At DD2's 6 week check I said she wasn't smiling, and the GP (the surgery's paediatric lead) said - "she is - there's one there!" I was like this

Leading on from what Sue says above... you wouldn't normally "correct" a baby's age from being born at 37 weeks but let's just give it a whirl... that would take her to 4.5 weeks. Teeny. And yet she's starting to smile and is maintaining eye contact. Looking at the lamp all the time is utterly normal.

I know sleep deprivation and hormones can take their toll, but you do sound anxious. Are you chatting to your health visitor? Is there a weekly drop in? You need to roll with it for the next month and trust me when I say it really does sound to me that all the things you are worrying about are in train - she is looking at you, she is starting to smile. And arching her back and getting agitated is over-stimulation, which can happen terribly easily in the early days. Try sitting in the total dark making a very loud "shushhhhh"-ing noise (think making white noise with your shush, not a nice calming one)

Tbh your newborn baby sounds normal, but your level of worrying does not - please get checked for PND / anxiety, talk to your HV and or GP as it's better to get seen now than leave it to get worse.

Thanks again, this is really helping. She looked up at me this morning and did what looked like a close-lipped smile - I think I have definitely been expecting the massive gummy grins you see in pictures and perhaps this has confused me.

I couldn't agree more that I am way too anxious; it's weird as I am normally very chilled out personally and have no problems coping with a v demanding job - but this little baby has got me totally irrational and terrified of everything! I think it's because I love her too much. I did raise it with the dr at the 6 week appointment and she just said that it would be weird for a new mummy not to worry. But it's starting to get to the point where my OH is (rightly) cross with me as he says it's horrible hearing me wonder if the baby is ok all the time and it is affecting my ability to relax and enjoy her, so I think i will ask again when I take her for her shots next week.

I think what your are seeing is within normal limits. Ds3 was born 1st September atv37+5. At his 8 week check I flagged him rarely making eye contact or smiling, in fact he's lost his reflex smile and I'd only seen him smile once (not for me) and he almost never made eye contact with anyone. My GP (who had previously been a paediatrician) said it was too early to get concerned, but to review in around a month. He's now 9 weeks and starting to smile and make eye contact, and is very interested in bright lights, his mobile and the cat. Ds2 was born at 35+5. Didn't smile till 11 weeks.

Otoh there will be come babies who do not reach specific milestones, or do so late enough for it to be a concern. And I think it is fair enough to be worried if you believe your baby might be one of them. I was very worried about ds3 as he was strictly speaking full term. Ds1 was full term and smiled at exactly 6 weeks , and ds2 smiled at his corrected 6 weeks. I would give yourself an end point, maybe his 16 week jabs (which will be your last scheduled contact with a professional till 12 months for jabs and development check) and voice your concerns again then.

The rest if what you describe sounds very normal. Newborn babies are really very boring and hard work.

You can't possibly love her too much

But when you say you normally aren't this anxious that raises alarm bells with me as well.

I really would go to see your health visitor for a chat. They will be very busy at the shots clinic, you're in and out with five mums and babies behind you. Are you in the UK?

Sounds totally normal for a baby of that age. Mine wasn't fussed on cuddles really - only when being fed - and was obsessed with lights.

I agree it might be worth a chat with your GP or perhaps HV would be better if your GP was a bit dismissive as you do sound very anxious. One thing to bear in mind is that if you are a bit concerned and worrying a lot, are you smiling at her much? My HV made an interesting point that sometimes babies who smile later than others are an indicator of a mum who is struggling a bit. Sorry to phrase this a bit clumsily but maybe it's worth just keeping an eye on yourself a little bit. New babies are very full on, particularly if you haven't been having a lot of sleep.

It sounds like you are on the verge of loads of gummy smiles very soon if she's doing a closed lipped smile so enjoy!

Nothing in your post that indicates anything worrying with your baby, but I agree your anxiety is really concerning :(

Getting help for this might mean showing your HV what you have written here - otherwise you might have a tendency to minimise it.

All mothers are anxious, true enough - but def not to the extent you are, and there is really good help for it.

Don't drift on hoping things will get better by themselves.

Thanks again everyone, again v helpful indeed. I did this to myself during pregnancy too, so it's been a long and exhausting few months, and I agree that I should ask for help when I go in next week.

My inexperience seems to be another major thing here - I'm really only used to spending time with older babies of 3-6 months and upwards, so I think I just didn't appreciate that at this age, they aren't supposed to do much yet, and was comparing her to my nieces/nephew at a much older stage. She is a very alert and noisy little thing, always looking around her and gurgling or yelling in excitement at yet another light, so i will go and give her a cuddle and keep beaming at her until my cheeks hurt!

Managed to take these just now - would these be wide enough to answer the dr, "yes she has smiled now?"

She is lovely! Her development sounds normal. That does look like a wee smile. Good eye contact too. You could always take the photos to the doc next time you are in. If you keep being bothered by this level of worry please take the advice about about getting support from your health visitor or GP.

That is a lovely, happy, social baby who is smiling.....:) :)

She is very sweet

DD was born just under 37 weeks and didnt smile recognisably till 8 weeks. Didn't reach for toys till well after that. Totally normal.

By the way, the afternoon fussiness/catnapping could be overtiredness. Maybe she's not sleeping enough in the morning? At this age they need to sleep ridiculous amounts - ie more asleep than awake...

Op, I don't even have children and that certainly looks like a smiling baby to me! Very alert and aware too. I think you can relax a bit and just enjoy her.

Might the being uncomfortable be silent reflux?

Happy you don't all think I was imagining the smile! Bit of a grumpy puss with a farty bum today but I'll keep beaming and singing at her and see where we get to...

I don't know if she could have reflux - as she sleeps happily on her back when she does go down, I thought not. She spits up and vomits sometimes but only a tiny bit, I just assumed it was a normal amount for a baby. But again will raise it with the dr.