Parent and toddler groups - a living hell on earth

[Baysmum]

Right, rant time. Can I just beg of all you lucky MNers who attend a P&T group and who have a nice group of friends around you just to have a look around you next time and if you spot a poor unfortunate person with a small child or two who is ABSOLUTELY friendless and alone and verging on tears, talking in a fake bright cheerful voice to her LO - to PLEASE at least smile at her? Hell, you could even strike up a conversation or even, gasp, introduce allow her to join in your conversation and intorduce her to some other people. No...it'd never happen

Oh Baysmum. Sounds like you've had a horrid experience. I promise you that not all groups are like that.

Oh Baysmum, I know that feeling!

Am I right in thinking you're in the south-west, or have I imagined it?

Oh dear Baysmum I've been to a couple like that. It took me weeks to get a conversation out of the one I go to now. Oddly it was more isolating that just staying at home. I'm in Exeter - whereabouts are you?

Hey, CarolSheetTurner, fancy seeing you here!!!

Watch her, Baysmum, she's... a drinker!!!

have also posted on the other thread

Dam, obv didnt mean to start 2 threads - sorry! I need to be more secretive and rant under a made up name dont I?? Yes, I am in SW (Exeter) and have been spotted by 2 of you SW MNers now - sorry. Ive been so good about being positive about this move to a new area but have ruined it by getting in a mardy today. Nothing against the SW, obv it cd happen anywhere. I thought I was hardened to the whole P&T thing but it jst still gets me (feeling sorry for yself - ignore me)!

yes i've been there. i just had to bite the bullet and do the introducing myself. yes felt like a plonker at first but hey ho. now i do look out for new mums.

No, you haven't ruined anything - we all know how hard it is to "crack" a new place socially, especially with little children in tow. P&T groups are notoriously cliquey and personally I think the ones in Exeter take the biscuit - so many people know one another already it's very daunting trying to break into conversation. In fact I had a whole thread a few weeks ago whingeing about how difficult I was finding it to make friends here - and I have lived in Exeter for 6 years now

I'm in St Thomas - I have 2 boys aged 2 and 4. I have met fennel, essbee and pageturner several times and can confirm that they are all lovely I'm just getting over another revolting flu bug at the moment, but I'd be happy to meet up any time from next week onwards, if you'd like to...

Aha! Thought you were round my way-ish. Those Exeter mums - hmmm - they don't drink! Or they can't take it! Shocking! (Always feel slightly naughty typing fwink...)

How old is/are your dc? I'd come and meet you, I'm nice, me. I don't actually live in Exeter but am not far away.

That wd be great, thank you Greensleaves. Wanted to come and meet you all at xmas meal last fri but was away for weekend. I'll start a (calmer) thread next week in the meet ups section so can sort something out if youre feeling better. I promise not to rant (am actually quite normal)!

Ha, she says I'm lovely now!

I am pageturner by the way: this is my Christmas disguise courtesy of the lovely Greensleeves!

have you tried net mums? netmums.com or something like that. you can post a message saying a bit about yourself and mums near you can email you, or you can look for messages to respond to. i've met quite a few mums near me that way. none of my friends have babies so net mums was a bit of a life line for me. then you can go to toddler groups with them.

Soory CST missed your post there- thank you too- am feeling a bit better now. Will def post on meet up thread next week. I have a ds aged 17 mnths. Also am partial to the odd beverage but am unable at the mo as just found out am pg - so no getting in the festive spirit for me. May also explain my hormonal mood swings!x

You've made a good point Baysmum - I hope none of the mums who attend my mother and baby group feel that way! If you are part of a 'clique' (and I hate that word as it usually excludes me), then it is very easy to forget how a newcomer might feel, and very easy not to make an effort to include them.

ah, well a toddler and new baby will help break the ice at toddler groups. people come to coo at new babies and you'll get the sympathy vote. often I think people just don't quite know how to approach people and need an opportunity - such as cute newborn.

last time I went to a toddler group noone talked to me either (that was in St Thomas) and I left and never went back. It happens, used to happen in my old home too it's not particular to Exeter.

Baysmum, congratulation on the BFP ! No alcoholic Christmas cheer for you then! Maybe a coffee sometime soon when Greensleeves is feeling better? I'm just getting over a stinking cold myself, and wouldn't want to infect anyone. It's always nice to meet new people.

Hello1 This is my first message and I just want to say that anyone who lives near wembley in brent north west london area should go to daniel's den its the best m&b group going and I have been to many in fact I live in a different part of london but make the effort to travel there they have website too!

Now you've all been nice and supportive I feel a bit silly being all grumpy! Will hopefully see (some of) you next week for a coffee, am going to slink off now and stop feeling angry/sorry for myself!

maybe next Fri (15th) - seeing as this has turned into an Exeter chin-wag thread.

am sort of free tomorrow but logistically challenged by combination of dentist, extra baby added on, and volunteering to help at school christmas fair (to make friends and please people

But Baysmum, that's because all the nice mums are here! See you soon.

Mitchell, that's a nice recommendation. It'll probably get lost here though, why not start a new thread with the place in the title, maybe in the meet-ups category? I think fennel's right and this cliquey-ness of p&t groups is everywhere, so it's good to shout about somewhere that's a bit more welcoming: there's bound to be someone here who would like the info!

Oh go on with you, you will love the Christmas fair

I could do next Friday, in fact I will be dying for some intelligent company by then (have been marooned in here with disgusting ailments and disgusting children all week)

Oooh, I can do the 15th! In fact, I could do coffee tomorrow as I'm in Exeter braving the shops for the forthcoming consumer-fest for which I am, as yet, completely unprepared!

I was hoping to do a bit of shopping tomorrow morning too. perhaps Range (hamster tubes) and TKmaxx (ongoing hunt for Sylvanian family bargains). we could meet somewhere river-ish perhaps? not sure I can make it into the city centre as will have baby dnephew as well as dd3, and we have to go to the dentist in Cowick st at 8.45 am (grrr) and then back to school and then back into St Thomas again for the shopping.

feel tired at the thought but a morning coffee might be reviving.

I could come out and spray you all with phlegm tomorrow, if you're going to be in the St Thomas vicinity, I dont think I am infectious any more

we are not scared by a bit of phlegm in the fennel household. the fennel genes are tough