Can we talk about how you find time and fun for yourself?

[Thurlow]

I am struggling with this one at the moment. DP and I both work f/t, and have a 3yo. I feel like everything I do is either work, commuting, looking after DC, housework or telly. It's all got on top of me at the moment as it's been a long time since I managed to go for something as simple as a night out.

The real problem is the logistics, as DP's shifts are on a 10 day pattern rather than a 7 day one, so I can't book an evening class or book group or anything like that, and very rarely have weekends off together.

I know this is all very normal and par for the course when you have children, but for some reason I'm having a real downer about this at the moment.

Can I ask what other people do?

I tend to go out once a month for a meal with friends. It's always mid week and takes a lot of organising to make sure everyone can come. (I'm the only one with a DC but the others all have lots of other commitments).

DP and I NEVER go out of an evening together. Not ever. But we do enjoy nights in with a takeaway and a bottle of wine and we've always been home bodies, even before we had DS.

We do make the most of the time we have together as a family though. We will always make plans, on a weekend, or a day we are both off work and do something like visit a farm or a museum with DS. I don't really feel like it's "looking after" DS, I think of it as us spending time together.

DH is on an 18 day shift pattern! Mornings, evenings and nights. So I feel your pain. I also work FT. We have full weekends together once in a blue moon! We don't have any family nearby.

I have a tap and ballet class I go to on a Tuesday, I can normally make 3 out of 4 in a month. I just pick it up as I go along, noone minds me dropping in and out! It doesn't start until 7, but I don't go home first, I normally go and have a mooch about the local shopping centre, or go for a coffee, so I make the most of the full evening.

I'm a member of a Ladies Circle, so try and organise things for the evenings when DH is at home as part of that.

There are things you can do that you don't have to commit to every week - any exercise classes you fancy? I used to go to British Military Fitness in a local park, they had up to 4 sessions a week so always one to go to.

DD has a ballet class for an hour on a Saturday morning, so I use that to go shopping, run errands etc. My close friends have a DD the same age, so some weekends we take turns in hosting playdates for a few hours.

And my lovely new next door neighbours have 3 teenage girls dying to earn some money babysitting! Is there any babysitting options for you, even if it just meant a couple of hours for you here and there?

Our situations are different as I'm a SAHM and DH works Mon-Fri, but even I find it hard making time for myself so I sympathise!

We rely on each other of an evening, DH has football or driving class 2-3 times a week, I go to exercise classes twice a week, although I bring 15mo DD with me to one as it clashes. An excellent way to make friends too I think.

In terms of nights out, I think you need to make a concerted effort to organise something. Either with your friends or DH and get a sitter. Put the organising in, even if its just a few drinks at the pub. Its easy to fall into a rut and say you never do anything, but don't actually actively try to sort something.

You're right, it is very easy to get into a rut and not organise anything

We do have a lovely babysitter, but at the moment the problem is all my local friends - so ones that are relatively easy to see with just a few hours babysitting - have babies and so either aren't able, or don't seem that keen, to go on a night out.

Exercise classes aren't entirely my thing, but would probably be better than nothing. I guess I struggle thinking about them as I don't get back from work until 6.15 and I'm not filled with enthusiasm for going straight out to do a class without dinner!

It's probably just a mentality thing. I have moments where I get royally irritated with DP's job and its inability to allow me to do anything much for myself (I'm sure you get that, Dale!) As DD is only 3 I still can't leave her at classes or reliably use the babysitter to do bedtime, which limits things too.

I'll look at book groups and the Ladies Circle too, I hadn't heard of that one.

I have a member ship for a local spa and go for a treatment once a month which really helps.

I'm on Mat leave at moment but no idea how I'm going to manage when I go back argh.

It drives me nuts Thurlow, as soon as anyone suggests doing anything my first reaction is let me check DH's shifts! Oh to be married to a 9-5-er!