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Parenting

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Original poster

What is a good father?

21 replies

thinkingaloud · 07/12/2006 01:54

After a long conversation tonight, I can't stop wondering...

What is it that men do that make them good fathers?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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wetweekend · 07/12/2006 02:18

IMO, a good father:

Puts their kids before everything else
Makes up silly games to play with them
Teaches them tricks (in our house, how to climb up a wall )

and generally spends time with them because he wants to.

heavenlyghosty · 07/12/2006 02:44

Unconditional love
Pride in his kids
Time for his kids
Love/respect for their mother (you can still respect your childrens' mother if you are not together anymore IMO)

Same things that make a good mother also, really.

Quootiepie · 07/12/2006 02:49

DH says

Do anything in your power for them...
Be there for them...
Teach them right from wrong

Thats all he can think of... hes busy playing his PS2

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BaileysMilkshake · 07/12/2006 02:57

My DH is IMO a good dad because:

Despite working a reallye early shift- forgoes a nap to play with DD instead of the easy route of giving her a quiet time DVD so he can catch up on sleep.
Puts his family first always
Is alway playing with her be it puzzles or horsey etc
Doesnt shy away from the business end of children and family life, ie baths, nappies, cooking, cleaning
Tells me off for spoiling her - then when I am not around sneaks off and does exactley the same

mamama · 07/12/2006 03:56

Someone who makes plans with their kids, carries them out & actually enjoys spending time with them.

glitterfairy · 07/12/2006 06:07

Agree mamama! Also somoeone who supports the whole family in both spirit and in practical terms such as being there to help with things when needed and financially. SOmeone who manages to be patient and kind and loving all at the same time.

happystory · 07/12/2006 07:12

An interesting one to ponder.
As my own wasn't a particularly good father, I feel qualified to give my opinion. Oh and I have a lovely dh who is the total opposite!

Agree- teach children 'stuff', useful stuff both practical and emotional to help you in life.
Turn up to school things, be supportive in good and bad times.
Provide for your family, doesn't need to be mega-bucks but to make them feel secure and safe from day to day.
Actually I could go on and on but that's off the toop of my head.

mrsSnoah · 07/12/2006 07:47

Those who love their children -that covers everything really doesnt it?

izzybiz · 07/12/2006 08:34

A daddy who does all the stuff that mummy does, as well as all the fun stuff!

kittyschristmascrackers · 07/12/2006 09:35

One who loves his children and lets them feel loved and secure.
One who does what he says he will and keeps his promises.

Isn't it the same as what makes a good mother?

snig · 07/12/2006 09:44

IMO my dp is a good dad because he gets up 4.30am every morning and goes to a job he hates so we have money, he comes home knackered and plays with ds, takes him to swings etc so that i can have a break before i go to work. When i come home from work the kitchen is tidy and ds sleeping soundly in bed. So i guess is about love and respect and a little bit more love!

ChristmasCaroligula · 07/12/2006 09:53

In that awful but descriptive phrase, one who walks the walk. Those who show their children by example how to love, be happy, confident, secure, respectful etc. Children learn not by what we say, but by what we do. Them as talk the talk but don't do it in practice are fairly rubbish, them as do it on a day to day basis whether they talk about it or not, are the ones who are showing their children how to live.

hatwoman · 07/12/2006 09:56

good post Caligula. sadly it's why dh beats me hands down at this parenting lark. I know the kids love us both but I think they look up to and respect dh more, precisely for the reasons you describe

hatwoman · 07/12/2006 09:57

It's this that's spot on: "Those who show their children by example how to love, be happy, confident, secure, respectful"

elliepmummy · 07/12/2006 10:29

My dad was and is a fantastic dad because he has given time to listen to me, always had time for cuddles (even now!!) and disciplined/raised me and my brother (and my mum did this too obviously!) so we knew what was right and wrong but it was always done so we understood why we had been disciplined and the consequences of our actiobs. He worked 7 days a week when we were little so my mum could be at home with us and no matter how tired he was when he was home he was with us.

My dh is a fab dad because he has tons more patience than me (although my theory is after havind dd all day and being 8 months pg gives me an excuse at the mo!!) he does all the messy play ie painting, play doh etc and never minds what she does, he gets in from work after a 12 hour shift and dd becomes his shadow and they do everything together and he never asks for 'me' time until after she is in bed then he goes and pays footie twice a week which is fine with me. Generally a fab dad because he spends his time with her and makes her feel so special that she idolises him they way I used to my dad and as far as I am concerned I know she loves both of us but she is and always will be a daddys girl

HoHoHorsewoman · 07/12/2006 10:50

My Dad has never been the cuddly, praise-giving type. But he has always given credit where it's due, sound advice (whether asked for or not) and taught me to be totally self-reliant and realistic (but still to reach for the stars - if you want it badly enough, you will get it). He is my rock and the first person I would go to for advice. Even my friends have commented on him ('If your dad said cat shit tasted good, I'd eat it'). He is sensible, reliable and always there for anyone who needs him. DH, on the otherhand, had a crap father and needs guidance. He tries, but often falls pretty wide of the mark

Judy1234 · 07/12/2006 11:54

Interesting. Loves his children and spends time with them (... thinking about my absent ex husband here of course...). Talks to them. Mmy father drove us to school every day so lots of time to talk. He also came home to lunch until I was 10 so we saw him at lunch time too, took us out at weekends. (He did the night feeds once breastfeeding me ceased, despite working full time in the 1960s which I think is amazing.) I think him being a psychiatrist meant his knowledge of human relationships and interaction was good and that emotional intelligence helped.

In more general terms good fathers listen, counterbalance and provide a different perspective from the mother - children need lots of different influences.

poppynic · 07/12/2006 12:06

A good father is someone who demonstrates love and support to his children's mother;
who gives unreservedly of his talents, time and positive attributes to his family; and
acknowledges and actively works to improve on his failings.

My Dad was far from perfect but I always knew he put his family first and loved us. I always appreciated that and think that's all anyone can really do.

abgirl · 07/12/2006 15:05

I think my DH is a great father - he is a SAHD and braves the mother and toddler groups as he knows they're good for DS. He plays with DS like a trooper and has my tea on the table every night when I get home!!

MsPedantic · 07/12/2006 19:32

Unconditional love & present in his children's lives. Sticks to commitments and always puts the kids first.

SHHHHsantaiscoming · 07/12/2006 19:38

IMO a good father is someone who wants to spend time with his children and is there for the good and bad times that being a father and a husband brings.

DH is a brilliant father. Yeah sure he works a lot atm BUT thats only so he can take quite a while off when our 2nd baby arrives in Jan. BUT the working hours are forgotten when dh helps to put dd to bed (if home in time) or helps out at the weekend. Like all families and relationships we have our ups and downs BUT whe I watch him with our dd it melts my heart.

He's a brill daddy as well becuase he thinks nothing of getting up in the night either without/without me and does his fair share at w/e's of feeds/dirty nappies etc.

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