Leaving

[Iamanon0]

My husband is controlling and abusive, (not physically). He does tick a lot of the emotional abuse boxes. He relishes in being our children's BFF, while mum is the 'nagger and disciplinary one'. I'm losing the children's respect, obviously, since he rarely shows any for me, he just mocks me and other people. None of it is good for the children- us arguing, his attitude, his immaturity and lies, and my low mood. He agreed he could do with anger management, but when I suggested a marriage counselling organisation he said they are a big con to get your money.
After a chat about all of this, he hasn't done the things he said he'd do to help improve us. Why am I waiting around?! I'm such a mug.
I wonder if divorce is even an option. Maybe it's best if I left. (Although I don't know what he'd do without his reliable babysitter). While I'm confident that he'll be fine with the children, I know one day they would understand because they've seen him at his worst. We are not working well together. I can't carry on watching the destruction of our lovely children.

Do you mean leaving the children with him? That sounds a bit drastic. Do you want to live apart from your children or do you just feel so undermined and marginalised and that it's them against you, that you've ceased to have any confidence that you could cope alone with them?

Yes very drastic. When mum and dad are no good together and it's effecting the children something's got to change, but the problem is my husband won't accept a smooth break up. He won't even accept counselling. He will never accept another man in their life, even years down the line. Sometimes I feel like the only answer is for me to disappear.
The children often behave worse when he's around and he's in one of them moods.
I can look after them on my own and we have some great times together, but I couldn't keep the house by myself (if he were to leave) so that would be another huge upheaval for them.
I am stuck in a rut in a no-win situation.
Sometimes it's nice when we're talking like friends, like it used to be, but it gives me false hope, and that's not healthy, it does your head in. The bullying has increasingly got worse in the last couple of years.

IamManon I really think you need more support on this than I can give you, ieally from people who have been through the same thing. Having put your post in Parenting it really isn't getting enough traffic. Why don't you report the post and ask it to be moved to the Relationships topic, it will get a better airing there.

Good luck, you are in a very difficult position