DD struggling with house move.

[sugarplumfairy28]

OK, long story short, last year we moved abroad, DD was 3 and is now 4, before moving she had my father wrapped round her little finger and they were incredibly close and was her main carer while I was at work, my parents have moved out with us, we now live technically under one roof (they live downstairs, own kitchen, living room etc, and us upstairs own living room, kitchen etc). Since moving, routines have changed a few times with starting Kindergarten, DH starting his new job, then me, and now we are both out of work again.

DD has struggled with getting used to Kindergarten, and displays a lot of the signs of separation anxiety, her bedroom (and ours) is sort of separate to the main part of the house (living room etc), she openly says she doesn't like playing in there, or being alone.

My parents, frankly have disappointed me, they undermine me, openly admit they hate the kids being so close (despite all this being discussed at length prior to moving) and want very little to do with the children.

We recently acquired two new kittens (we already have 9 cats) and DD simply will not leave one of the kittens alone, she picks him up, runs off with him, tries to hide him so no-one can get to him. She tells us she wants to have 'a cat' to be hers, she looks so happy if he will just sit with her, and gets extremely distraught if he gets down or we have to intervene and take him off her. Every 5 minutes I have to drop everything to answer the little meows. She is used to living with cats, and I'm trying to be calm show her it's OK for him to leave her side, how to hold him, how to play nicely, but it's not sinking in. With everything else that has happened with her, I really really don't want to re-home him, any tips or ideas welcome.

For what it's worth, both mine had difficult phases aged 4, so this could be normal development rather than something going wrong with your dd

Are both of yours girls? We have an older son and I can't remember him being this way at 4, although I do remember us being relieved at him starting school but that was due to him and his huge brain box. Maybe a girl thing?

Mine are both girls I also took mine abroad for some time, living with my parents - this is why your post resonated with me. Dd2 also struggled to adjust to Kindergarten, but in her case mainly because I cheated her out of Reception in the UK and the Kindergarten did not teach anything. We returned to the UK for a number of reasons, mainly to do with me not being able to get a job.

Our son has done super well, he has learned the language and is top of his class at school now, he did reception in the UK, a year at Kindy and then into school, took him a little while to get his confidence but is well away now.

DD though does take time to adjust to change but it's been more than a year. She seems desperate to have a constant comfort, she has been super clingy with me, which has eased a little bit, going to kindergarten was a nightmare, more than once, 45 minutes after I was able to leave, I've had to go and collect her as they couldn't calm her down, she is OK now providing she has a teddy of some sort. Now it's all about one of the kittens, she wants him to follow her around basically, she screams the house down every time we have to take him off of her, this evening she slammed DH's arm in the door in an attempt to run off with the kitten. My Dad has tried to talk to her when he saw her manhandling the kitten, but even he can't get through to her. I hope it's phase!

Oh bless her, it does sound like a phase and down to feeling insecure generally
My dd1 also had a ball (and hasn't forgiven me for coming back to the UK) and it was the younger one struggling. It may be her age but if it's been a year it seems a shame she hasn't settled more. Would it work to tell her that if she doesn't give the kitten some space it will have to go because she is upsetting it?

We have tried that and it doesn't seem to be having any effect. She wants to 'have a cat' like how out of the 11 we have, I have 'my cat' and our relationship is much stronger. Am going to have to try and use my cat some how to ween her off the kitten I think