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Parenting

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Original poster

Does Big baby equal big child/adult?

42 replies

3xamum · 06/12/2006 11:10

Just wanted some advice or opinion.

My dd who was my second child was my heaviest baby at 9lb 7oz. She is now 7 and very worried about her weight.

She eats healthily and far less than her older brother. Her dad (my ex) was very heavy as a child right into his teenage years when the weight dropped off of him.

I'm really worried for her and try to reassure her that she has plenty of developing time ahead of her and that in the new year we will go to the doctor and discuss healthy eating (i have NOT mentioned the word diet although she keeps mentioning it)

What are the stats on big babies becoming big adults?

HELP!!

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Original poster

3xamum · 10/12/2006 09:23

Thanks Pitchounette, she is at her dads this weekend but I will weigh & measure her when she gets back and we can look on the chart together.

In answer to some of the questions about how active she is. She is a great little dancer & does 2 dance classes a week and practises all the time at home (getting me to bend into positions my body gave up long ago )

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Chandra · 10/12/2006 09:43

I don't think the weight is going to fall by itself and the fact that your DH's did may be due to many other factors (exercised more at that age, change of diet habits, etc) not only to genetics.

BTW There was a study released a few weeks ago saying that children seem to inherit their "height" from the father and the "width" from the mother.

In the case of my family, I'm almost as high as my father and not so wide as my mother (although she was a twigglet before motherhood), my older sister is not that tall and has spent her life in one diet or another and exercising all the time with not very tangible results. My younger sister was the biggest baby of us by far, she is the shorter one of us (by far) and although she has a tendency to put weight on, it's not as severe as my other sister's.

I agree about not doing anything about her eating, but about the bullying which you are already working on, and about measuring her and taking her weight, please don't unless you are sure she has the correct weight for her age and you want to reasure her (have a look at the tables first). It would be very sad (and dangerous) for her to get too atached to what the scales say. Maybe I have a raw never about this after seeing my older sister obsession with them since she was very young

merrylissiemas · 10/12/2006 09:56

reading these post's make me so sad. i'm 28 now but have struggled with anorexia since i was 6. my biggest problem was my mum constantly telling me that i was fat and ugly and cumbersome. it sounds like your dd is very lucky to have you. my ds was 9lb 2. and i'm 5"2 and a size 8. pre-ds i was a size 6. i have suffered with my health since i was a child. i was admitted into hospital aged 12 and again at 14 weighing just over 3 stone, my body had basically started eating itself. the problem with eating disorders is that you don't notice it until it's too late. i have thousands of ways to make it look like i'm eating without actually eating a thing.
i would say don't make a big deal about making her eat, just do some reading and watch her very carefully.

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Pitchounette · 10/12/2006 11:05

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busybusymum · 10/12/2006 11:12

interesting question that I can answer in about 20 years!!

my DD was an 1oz away from 10 lbs and was a chubby toddler but since taking up dancing she has lost her chunkyness! This could have course been just due to her age (now 7)
My DS was just over 11lb born but is now 6 and one of the smallest in the class, he is so skinny his trousers fall down!!

Chandra · 10/12/2006 11:21

But if you want to do all that, it is important that your child doesn't realise why you are doing it or that you are doing it.

I agree very much with merrylissiemum. When I was at uni, I had a friend who was much into exercise, healthy eating, diets etc although her appearance didn't suggest that in the least. We always told her that she should accept her body as it was, but dear... her mother!!! she was the main bully and couldn't realise that her DD body was not going to be modellike ever, she was just not built like that. At some points her body looked almost anorexic, her mother paid for her to have a breast reduction surgery and still, at first glance she looked chubby.

jeangenie · 10/12/2006 14:05

merrielissiemiss - are you getting help now? you can get over this stuff you know. I did. It sound slike your message that you are still going through it, please get some help...life is so much better without the obsessions that anorexia brings

sorry for hijack, 3Xamum. I think you've got some good advice here, and I think the fact that you are being sensible and supportive about this, and seem to have picked up any potential issues early will hopefully mean your DD doesn't suffer adversely. You sound like a great mum.

poppynic · 10/12/2006 14:33

I imagine it is probably her genes from her Dad's side. I knew a family who had two adopted children - the family had the fittest, healthiest lifestyle of any family I knew. Mum, Dad and boy were all slim but the daughter was stubbornly "chubby" at least until her teens when I knew her.

I read somewhere that for girls it's really important that their Dad tells them they are beautiful. Could you have a chat about it with him? Maybe he could (concidentally) go through some of his old photos with her - no mention of weight but she might pick up on the change herself, and apply it to herself?

I think the dancing/exercise thing is great as a confidence thing.

Good luck.

Original poster

3xamum · 10/12/2006 14:40

I think I will measure both her & big brother and look at the charts myself just in case as you said Pitchounette that it might me something that makes her worry more.

It saddens me so much that any mum would make there child believe that their appearance is something to be ashamed of

Some of the replies here have been so moving and a really big help x

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merrylissiemas · 10/12/2006 14:58

i see a counsellor twice a week now, but had v severe pnd. having an eating disorder's like being an alcoholic, you never get over it and you don't see what it does to your body and your loved ones

JennyLeevesmilkandcookiesforSa · 10/12/2006 15:07

kama · 10/12/2006 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jeangenie · 10/12/2006 20:13

I'm with Kama, and I really hope you do get over this. I see where you are coming from with the alcoholic analogy, when in the throes of severe anorexia you can't see (or care tbh) what it is doing to your loved ones. But honestly, I am over it now. I have a regular, healthy relationship with food. Someimes I eat a bit too much, sometimes (rarely) I forget or don't get a chance to eat a meal. If my weight goes more than about 7lbs over what I feel comfortable with I cut back a bit but I very rarely weigh myself anymore tbh.

Merry, it'll be hard, you've had it a long time, and the PND won't have helped.But you are doing a good thing facing up to it with a counsellor. I wish you all the best of luck with the battle ahead, but don't give up hope. It really is possible to come out the other end.

Original poster

3xamum · 15/12/2006 01:28

Just had to update on this. I had weighed and measured both my dd & ds1 a few days ago and plotted the weights on a childrens bmi calculator which put my dd in the healthy weight bracket.

DD's teacher yesterday did a class weigh in and left my dd til last. Upon weighing her she said 'When I plot it on the chart I will drop it by 2kgs so that no one else calls you fat' OMG!!! I was so horrified, I was speechless. These were dd's words so not quite sure if it was put across like that. Since then she has been drawing and writing notes with her name & underneath putting IS FAT.

I am back to square one and really don't know what on earth to say to the teacher!

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Original poster

3xamum · 15/12/2006 18:15

bump

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pollypots2 · 16/01/2007 17:42

Oh 3xamum I feel for you so much and must be so frustrating. Cant believe that's what the teacher said to your dd - I would definitely go and speak to the teacher personally and discuss this sensitive issue.
I was induced early so only 7ibs but by the time I was a toddler I was called the wrestler apparently and reminded of this when we'd look at family photos. Also think my parents showed alot of love thru feeding us and with an Italian chef father and growing up in a hotel, didn't help. luckily I was only about a stone overweight in general but I did go onto struggle with starving myself and vomiting but this is much more to do with emotional issues and not wanting to face things. Although practical things will help like healthy eating and finding sports/activities that dd will enjoy as you know, I think one of the most important things is that she has a mum who loves her and cares and that you can spend good time talking together and discussing these things. My eldest will tell me everything whereas my middle dd needs more time and more gentle prodding to get things out. I wish I could have talked to my parents the way I feel mine can talk to me. Hope that helps a bit. Thinking of you

goblinqueen · 16/01/2007 18:19

I haven't read all the replies, but the situation makes me so sad. My sis was "chubby" from being a child and it's had such a negative impact on her. Same with hubs. Both with parents who became obsessed about the weight. Hubs was on this or that diet from age 9. All their self-esteem was tied to weight and it's horrible and the effects are still there.

I was skinny till puberty then got "chubby" and thanks to weight comments, the ones from family cut the deepest, I became bulimic, and oooh the PRAISE when you lose weight, like you're the most successful person in the world. Then I more or less had that under control when I became depressed and hit 20 stone... and you know what, that was horribly and perversly satisfying because I was finally as fat as I always thought I was. I look back at pictures of myself as a teen and feel so sad that I couldn't enjoy being slim even if I wasn't very thin.

One of my regrets is my parents allowing my sis and I to give up karate, the exercise and self-esteem boost was great.

I am doing my best to make sure DS has a healthy attitude towards food and being active isn't something you have to do, but something that's part of life.

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