Neurotic mum alert : Wonder weeks

[Penguin13]

Ftm of DD 10.5 months. DD recently went though leap 7 according to the wonder weeks app. I know she wouldn't be expected to suddenly acquire all the new skills or abilities at once but according to the list of what she 'should' be able to do after this leap she can't do ANY of the things in the list and for many of them it seems a quantum leap from where she is now. Unfortunately I can't seem to copy and paste from the list but it includes things like :-

Answer simple questions - if you ask 'how big are you?' For example they may raise their hands.

Attempting to put on a sock but not succeeding.

Putting stacking rings together.

Etc.

Am I worrying needlessly? I know all babies are different it just seems like my baby is nowhere near doing any of that stuff and I'm worried I haven't talked or played with her enough or taken her to enough groups or something

DS is almost 11 months. He is very good at taking his socks off and losing them . He has never tried to put them on, not even close.

Read the app with a MASSIVE pinch of salt and don't worry about ticking things off. But do get out and about - have fun. She'll suddenly surprise you with things she can do.

People lie so much about sleeping through the night. If you shine a bright light into their eyes, they will admit to lying, or define "sleeping through" as 12-5.30- or "in the case of one friend of mine admit that she just stopped going in to her baby at about 9 months and put ear plugs in............

Bertrand's totally right. People lie or they can't remember. DD is only three. I can't remember when she slept through. I can't remember many of her milestones tbh.

Gosh, an app for development?

I have an 8, 7, 5 and 3 yo. They would never have been able to put their socks on at 10 mths (really, socks on at 10 months). Trust me, even mine now would not put on socks if they thought they could get away with it!

Also, not one of them slept through before a year. Until I night weaned. And none of them night weaned of their own volition. They all generally sleep well now save for the occasional wet bed, bad dream....

I think I should have 'comparison is the thief of joy' tattooed somewhere about my person as despite the fact I know it I do seem to need reminding quite a lot!

My mother used to say that babies should all wear t shirts with "This Grows Up Automatically" on them!

OP, as others have said the Wonder Weeks seems to be too optimistic with the milestones they talk about.

The main thing that struck me, as someone else said, is that you are not managing to get out and about much because of trying to sort the sleep. I wonder if she would sleep better if you did get out more and she got fresh air and a change of scene?

Don't compare notes about sleeping. She will eventually sleep through and you will forget when it started before too long. Try to enjoy this time as it's a lovely age (before toddlerhood hits which is a whole different type of fun!!). If you think you are anxious or depressed do talk to your health visitor or GP.

I could be wrong but I have the same app and the leap is when they acquire the potential but actually demonstrating it can be many months away.... If you read the detailed summary of the leap I think it says this....

I have no idea what this app is but my 8, almost 9 yr old is RUBBISH at putting socks on!! He is also above average at pretty much eveything at school. Even my daughter who was always better at stuff like eating dressed than him doesn't exactly fling her socks on and she's 5! There's a lot of comparing in. The world of parenting!!

Never heard of this app, but 'How big are you?' is really quite a sophisticated question relying on quite abstract concepts which my older two - bright kids the both of them - would never have 'got' at just 10 months. (And they were both well into their second year, and one of them had nearly completed it, before they did anything resembling sleeping through). (I don't mention no. 3 here because she is a month old. But I don't expect things to be much different with her)

I've just thought of a picture I have of my eldest, aged nearly two, attempting to put on one of those leather slippers. I don't recall whether or not he was successful, but for me to have taken a picture of it this must have been a new or unusual endeavour at that stage. And I can assure you he is a perfectly typical child and indeed, at 10, doing rather well at school.

Please do get out and about - for your own sanity as well as for some variety and change of scene for your baby. And honestly, other parents' accounts of baby sleep are like statistics - 8 out of 10 of them are made up

Lack of sleep is really, really awful, and completely messes with your mind

My DD was a bad sleeper too, and I remember being very close to a breakdown at 9-10 months - there's a bad sleep regression at that time, which you are presumably just coming out of.

We did very gentle sleep training when DD was just over a year, and finally cracked sleeping through the night.

There's a book called 'Bed timing' which talks about how development stage relates to success in sleep training. 8-11 months is a particularly awful time for sleep and they recommend NOT sleep training at this age.

You'll get a window from 12-16 months - when your baby discovers the joys of walking - which is a great time for sleep training, and if it works for you it's genuinely life changing.

It doesn't need to be harsh: we started with 1 minute waits, going up in 30 second intervals up to a max of 3 minutes. There are a few important things to get right - particularly always increasing the interval (up to the maximum, then sticking to that), and using your voice rather than touch when you go in. The millpond book is very good - worth reading to make sure you get the technique right.

Oh, and don't worry about your baby's development - the wonder weeks app is bonkers.

Also, don't worry about driving your daughter away - there's a big difference between anxiety during the early months and making your child feel you're disappointed in them throughout their childhood.

Just keep going - it will get easier.

Ditch the app. I used it for DD1, have deleted it for DD2 (16 weeks). No way mine could put socks on at 10 months, and I never did the 'how big are you' thing so don't think she would do that now!
Ps DD1 doesn't sleep through the night at 23 months. It never stopped me going to groups etc though. In fact I needed to get out of the house as the exhaustion felt less crippling then!

Totally agree with grotbag that getting out of the house helps when you're exhausted: somehow, having a schedule to follow keeps you going.

Getting out of house every day fresh air will help your baby sleep better far more than any wonder app.
Unless your baby has a díagnosed special need eg needs physio for a wonky arm then she will pick up everything she needs in her own time. The more you take her out snd just talk to her. Take ten minutes to Sit on floor and play. The better. She will copy ypur mood and attitude so if you happy and enjoying the falling leaves she will pick up on that. Does she care what baby app says ? No.

Grotbag is dead right - getting out of the house makes you less tired. Just pack your bag the night before, allow time for baby to have a dirty nappy and clothes change as you leave the house.
Fresh air and sole company will do you both the world of good.

I meant "some" company, not "sole" company - that is an oxymoron!!

Thanks all for taking the time to reply so thoughtfully. I'm feeling a bit better with some perspective.

I'm not sure if I gave the wrong impression about being 'stuck at home'. I do actually get out of the house every single day but not far and mainly to the same old places ie the local shops, the library and the park. I tend to avoid anywhere I will have to drive to which makes it tricky to meet up with antenatal group friends as we are over a relatively scattered area and I don't easily make friends anyway so I do a lot with just DD and me. I worry that as an introvert I naturally spend a lot of time 'in my head' especially when I am tired and I have to make a conscious effort to chat away to DD and feel that I sound ridiculous when I do. I have tried the whole 'describe what you are doing' tack which works to an extent but can feel quite forced and recently led to the conversational gem 'look at that big fence, it has lots of ivy on it'

Now that I think about it it seems like all of my varying more specific anxieties lead me back to my fundamental worry of not being a good mum and not having a strong bond with my DD. I am working on this worry and for anyone with similar issues I can highly recommend 'Becoming Mum' which is a mindfulness book for mums which I am finding very useful in confronting my 'I must be the perfect mother' monster but it's a slow and ongoing process and I find specific things can still knock me off balance fairly easily.

Penguin, sounds like you have great insight into your own feelings and impulses, and self awareness like this is a huge asset in life and in parenting and in relationships.

'Look at that big fence it's got ivy on it' is absolutely spot on as something to say to a baby. You are modelling and actively teaching loads of things that over time, and yes, it should start from birth as you are doing, helps with development. The sentence does this:

• it shows the baby she is worth your attention
• it shows her there is a world beyond her immediate body space that has interesting things in it
• your speech patterns, intonation and shape of what you say are English and help her become familiar with her own language
• your facial expression as you show interest and awareness teaches her that certain feelings go with certain speech patterns
• over time it teaches her the actual words

Don't stop! Don't be self conscious. Don't feel ridiculous. You are doing it RIGHT! :)

That list sounds unrealistic, delete the app as it is stressing you.

My DS does not sleep through at 14mo and my DD did not sleep through till 2yo, they are all different.

While environmental input makes a difference in development this does not mean that a playgroup makes the difference between average and genius development. Normal stimulation from an everyday environment is sufficient for development, the problem cases are cases of extreme abuse where children are locked away in worlds with no sights or sounds. Go to whatever playgroups you want, they are more for you than the DCs.

So glad I'm such a technophobe I don't have apps! And don't read the books as I hate being told how to do things...
Just enjoy your baby. You'd know if he seemed far behind the others.
And don't worry about the driving. It'll come. I've only been driving for 2 years and now am just getting confident to do 'long' journeys (1 hour plus). But I use the car most days as we also live rurally, and it's good for our social life. Crap at parking too, but I figure that each time I try I'm getting better!

Also, don't worry about the baby not sleeping through yet. Mine started at 11 months. I know many who were later.

IF I HADN'T READ ALL THIS I WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED IT!

I don't have a phone (except for a £4 Argos BT line) so didn't know about WonderWeeks, but just Googled it and . . . Oh God, there's 93 MILLION hits on it!

And it's not WEEKS you need to worry about, but YEARS. I hate to scare you, but babies GROW UP. They go to school, college, university, even go out to work eventually!!

Just ENJOY your baby, laugh and cry together, READ to her, SING to her. Try and have FUN together!

Having read the wonder weeks books (although a while ago) I don't think those lists are really meant to be taken that way). It's more about the possibilities that your babies new cognitive skills open up.
Ie the the sorting leap allows them to categorise things into groups like animals, shapes etc. But it doesn't mean they will be doing it immediately, just that their brains can now process things in that way. So it's more that it's theoretically possible for them to do the things on the list rather than suggesting they should be doing them.