Not a great parents evening!

[tornandhurt]

I have 2dds and 1ds. Both dds have always excelled at school and I've never had to worry about their development. The eldest very arty, good with business and languages (15). Second dd is 9 - incredibly sporty and has a passion for math. DS just started school this year. Only just 4. I'm now very concerned after talking with the teacher last night who seemed to have some concerns regarding his development.

I always knew he was far quieter than dds. more introvert and struggles a little to mix with large groups (despite being at nursery since he was 6 months). He struggles to write his name, drawings are a little all over the place - and he really seems to lack interest. Yet take the hoover apart, or put together a bit of furniture and he's all over it. You can take him somewhere once and he could direct you there the next time without fail!

To be honest I've always suspected we are a little ott with him a) because he's the youngest, b) cos hes a boy and c) because when born he did have a little growth on his head - 3 ops in 3 years, but all ok now.

I'm struggling as to whether this is something we've done as parents in not "bringing him on enough" to prepare him for school, or whether there's something more to it.

I've booked an appt with our GP for next week - am I over-reacting??

Did she actually say he is behind other children his age in the class, or is that what you're reading in to it? He just sounds like he has different strengths to your girls.

For what it's worth, a couple of weeks back I spent time with every class in DD's primary while they drew fundraising Christmas cards. The range of skills in Reception was enormous.

At the top end were children who could draw something recognisable, holding crayons correctly and firmly.
But there were also a large number of children who couldn't hold a crayon in any way confidently so as to be able to control their mark making on the paper. (And thus drew what looked like scribbles to all intents and purposes).

Thank you. Perhaps you're right. She did though specifically say she was concerned about some areas of his development. The chart we were given had four areas he was assessed on Maths, Communication/language, General readiness and total score. Its was the general readiness section that was worse.

I wouldn't worry too much about it as pp said the range between the children in reception class varies greatly. If the teacher has spotted areas your ds needs a bit of extra help or support then accept it happily, it's good that the teacher has picked up on it as sometimes it can get missed. Try not to see it as a negative thing if your ds needs some extra help it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Also is your ds 1 of the youngest in his class? My ds1 is a July baby he needed some extra support in reception especially with speech language and socialising and could barely read or write his name until y1 he's now in y4 and is in the middle and top groups. You'll be amazed how common extra support in reception is I bet your not the only parent the teacher had a similar conversation with

It's hard, but try not to base your expectations of DS on your two DDs.

If I had had DD before DS, I would have worried much more about him: DD was talking well before age one, could confidently hold a crayon by age 2, draw recognisable people at age 3, had neat, legible handwriting at age 5 etc.

DS hardly had two words at 18 months, and was incomprehensible to anyone outside the family until he was three, could only scribble not draw anything at age 4 and had no interest in writing, handwriting was still totally illegible at age 6 etc (but he loved anything to do with numbers and was a very advanced reader). Luckily we lived somewhere where he didn't have to start school at age 4 - he just would not have been ready. Also probably luckily, he was the older one, so I didn't have DD to compare him to.

They are both now teenagers, both highly able academically (DS got all As/A*s at GCSE), just developed at very different speeds and with different strengths (DS would probably have been diagnosed with dyspraxia if I had heard of it at the time and had been living somewhere with access to assessments).

He's only four, he's been at school like 2.5 months at most. I wouldn't be concerned about not being able to write his names or his drawings being a bit all over the place.

My eldest started when she was four and her bday was January. My second started at four and her bday was October. There was a massive difference in how quickly they picked things up. I don't think it's a major cause for concern yet.

Did she give you guidance on how to help him at home and what she will be doing to help him. I don't think I'd be going to the doctors yet id be asking her for monthly updates on his progress.

From what you've said, the teacher has said that she's concerned about his development in terms of 'general readiness'. Did she actually clarify what that means, and what 'goals' you and the school should be working towards?

Did you have concerns about his development before? What were they?

I think it's find to take him to the GP, but what are you going to say you're worried about?

There's nothing that you've described in your OP that sounds concerning, other than the teacher's comments tbh.

Thanks all so much. The advice is great and very much appreciated. You're right he is the youngest and I know I shouldn't compare him to the girls.

I just worry in case I've failed him in some way.

The teacher said she will continue monitoring him and report back to us. In the meantime, we're going to try doing a little more at home, but in a "fun" way as much as possible to help him.

Thanks guys xx

He sounds like a very normal, just 4 year old boy to me. My nephew spent his reception year mainly sitting underneath the table. He's fine now and has a good job at the age of 22. My triplets learned to read aged 6 1/2 and caught up with their peers within a year.

My DS is 4 and can't write his name yet. His teacher hasn't expressed any concerns to me. He's a summer baby so only just 4. He's just about drawing something recognisable too.

We have a home learning pack that I haven't even looked at yet TBH, as we've just broken up after the first term and up to now I've been more concerned with how he's adjusting to school life. He's my PFB though so I don't have anything to compare him to!

It's easy to forget that they are very little still. Most of his learning will still be through play. Introducing some letter practice is a great idea, but only if he enjoys it if he's like my DS he'll just resist anything shaped like a lesson

I've not read everyone's comments, but I'd make another appointment and talk to the teacher properly about it and maybe ask for a SEN referral.