Almost 7yo dd bad attitude toward me - what to do?

[QueenMolotov]

My dd1 (first-born) is almost 7yo. She's bright and extremely articulate, although she has been having problems with reading and writing at school. These problems have been addressed and she's working very hard whilst being closely monitored. The good news is that she has been making good progress since September. There are no other issues at school and I am confident that she is happy there.

The problem I have is that I feel that she sometimes doesn't want me around, and doesn't seem to particularly even like me at times. It was building up before the summer holidays, but improved during the holidays: something I attributed to her being stressed at school, then us spending more time together. It has started to build up again over the last few weeks. Dd1 is often rude to me, will answer back and sometimes seems ungrateful for things I do for her and objects she is bought. Is this her age? I feel like I'm living with a teenager ATM.

I am a SAHP and do most of the mundane tasks, which she seems to take for granted - I don't expect or want any special recognition or thanks, but I sometimes just feel so unappreciated by her. She was disappointed when it was me collecting her from school today and refused to eat the snack I'd bought for her as some kind of protest at me being there instead of DH. She didn't kiss me hello, or hug me. The look of disappointment was written on her face. That hurt.

I've cried about it this evening. I explained to her just a few days ago how all of this was hurting my feelings, but today has been the worst. She knows she upset me. She has apologised and I think she means it for now. But I can't live in this loop. What can I do to get us out of this horrible rut?

I also have a 3yo.

I think you are coming across as far too needy. You need to lighten up, have a laugh and be silly. Be fun! Use humour.

Your neediness is making her very powerful at the moment. She's a young kid whose playing on your emotions because you're allowing her to. Try to feel more centred to stop her rocking your world. Also appreciate yourself and your role at home. Maybe your DH could regularly say thank you to you in passing and in ear shot of DD. Deep down she really loves you

At the same time get her to do some chores (for pocket money?) with you. Cooking tea at weekends for example.

Gosh, you are suffering.
IMO your 7 year old is too young to rationalise her feelings towards you. She is still very young. . I don't think she has the maturity to understand or cope with your feelings of disappointment about her reaction to you. She also won't be grateful for mundane tasks at 7. This is really quite normal.

I feel that you might be suffering from lack of self esteem. To cry because she doesn't appear to like you is very sad. I think you also may be suffering from slight depression. You also have a 3 yr old and are probably very tired. Things get out of proportion when we are dog tired.

I feel very sure that you are actually extremely important to her, but she is far to young to put her feelings about you into words.
What was your upbringing like?
I think all parents sometimes feel some feelings of slight jealousy towards their partner, in relation to the children liking one more than the other.

My DH has been a much calmer and easier going parent than me. However I know I am just as important to my children.
Try not to worry and relax as much as possible. Your DD is going to change so much over the years. She has hardly got going as yet.

Choose not to let her moods dictate your self worth or how accepted you feel. See yourself as the rock in the storm of her emotions. You know underneath the silly behaviour, she adores you completely!

I agree this sounds like low self esteem. However I do understand. If you rely on her whether sub consciously or not and you don't have many other people in your life and don't have much self esteem yourself (don't know if this is the case for you but I can see how this would happen). It's hard to seperate your feelings sometimes

She is acting up with you because she feels secure in her relationship with you. You can be assured she does love and need you very much.
I've never met a child who was grateful for the mundane things we do for them so this seems like normal behaviour. It is hurtful when your children are rude to you and I agree with other posters that you sound down and should consider going to your gp.
However it's not ok to be crying at your dd and telling her she has hurt your feelings. You can't put the responsibility for your happiness on her shoulders it's too much pressure. Stop working so hard with her and try to relax and be silly with her when she's being good and ignore her when she's misbehaving. She'll soon see she prefers the fun mum she gets when she isn't acting up.

Thank-you all for taking the time to give such thoughtful and genuinely helpful replies. On reflection, it wasn't fair to heap that weight of burden on my little dd. I do know she loves me I must be her anchor in life, and not give her more grief to deal with! I've been much more lighthearted over the past few days as I do have a tendency to be deadly serious. Being mindful of this has helped me to laugh more things off and actually be truer to the fun side of my character, which is something both dds are benefitting from.

I wouldn't say that I am depressed, but I do suffer from anxiety and I have always been very sensitive. This makes me empathetic and a good listener, but when I feel hurt or something, I really feel it. I had an eating disorder in the past which was triggered by low self-esteem: I was bullied throughout my school years and it left its scars well into adulthood. I think dd just touched a nerve that must still be raw at times. I will remember your wise words to guide me.

Thank-you again.

Well done OP. Small steps. Just try to find the humour in everyday things. It will inject some fun

That sounds good. I feel for you cos I can see a bit of myself in you

My mum had been a rock recently as I am clearly second favourite to my husband at that minute... Second munger be a bit generous actually, I come after grandma, grandad, nanny, any random person on the street. My son is 3.11 and I'm pregnant. I have had a tricky pregnancy and not be around as much. My dh is lovely so to be fair I can see why my son adores him at the minute.
But what is interesting is how much my mum can identify with me and how lovely she is being about it, made me realise I was obviously exactly the same to her when I was little. Maybe it's just what we do to our primary carers.
My sympathies!!! X